Tag: Heal the Pain

deLIBERATION

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Sitting —Scratch that. Laying here thinking. Thinking…Thinking….laying here. Funny how things work out.
Some people believe everything happens for a reason;on the other hand, one action is result of another action. Don’t be fooled by “destiny” or “fate“, people make decisions. They have questions, and often seek answers. I don’t want the answers to those questions anymore.
I’ve made peace with my past, in which a new story unveils….barely setting pen to paper, pages turn themselves.
Laying in awe, in confusion, in….unsurprising disbelief.
I’ve learned not to continue writing the new material in an old book though I may be continuing stories; instead to start a new book. One in which many characters aren’t included, and there is more depth in the questions asked, more wisdom and enlightenment in answers we choose to seek., and the plot thickens.

Science Fiction or Fictionalized Faith.

Good Bye to the Marvins

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Knock, Knock

 “Who goes there?”

 Marvin!

I ask, “Marvin who?“, and then the knocking stops…

 I ask, “Is this the same Marvin, who spent his days locked up in that room where everything happened?”

 [Yes]

He’s calling me:

Intoxicated with Regret and High off Pride?

Dressed head to toe in the suit of persuasion with selfish fragrance.

A man sick, because of his cold heart.

A man who lacks guidance, empty, because he lacks soul..

[Yes]

The one who intrudes up my phone, begging and pleading me?

Disrespecting, the man I maybe with, someone I had hoped for him to be.

Now longing to be reacquainted, because I shortened our relationship and ceased all communication.

[Yes]

The one who blinded me?

The reason I am no longer able to look into his eyes, and realize potential.

I only see who you are now.

The true intentions in the eyes of this individual.

I am peeping through this peephole, with the eyes of the people.

Everyone who claims to have known “Love“, heard the bells ringing,

they saw the white fences, gowns, and pictured bands around their fingers.

Until they heard the church bells, and instead knocking on the door, God knocked the walls down.

Reminding you, that you can answer the call and respond to his messages,

but keep in mind he has the wrong message in the texts he’s sent —

You know you accidentally ignore the call, knowing he’s to prideful to apologize,

but the silence of his emotions will leave that voicemail.

And it continues…

[Marvin’s at the door yelling]

“Fuck that new dude that you love so bad!”

 [I’m yelling back]

“Fuck you too, for not realizing what you had!“

 [Marvin Yells]

“I know you still think about the times we had!”

 [I open the door]

Exactly baby that’s the point, had as in the past.

You are now just a memory…

I’ve put you behind the glass, reminding myself to cherish the experience, but never relive the misery.

I’ve relieved myself of thoughts that you could ever change & will never be honest with yourself nor I.

[Slams the door]

“Now go back to those females, that play your game.“

 [Knock, Knock]

“Who is it?”

[Marvin]: “I’m just saying you could do better — tell me have you heard that lately?“

[Me]: To answer your question, yes people have BEEN telling, I can do better…

And I know you’ve been hearing that from other females regularly.

You fell into it.

I haven’t tried —

I’m not able end something I once put my all in, and move onto something new, rejuvenated.

And although I haven’t decided to do better,

the door of opportunity is locked.

So now you can sit and continue your addiction of looking at random broads naked pictures, and talking about how you almost had me fooled.

But I’m glad you came knocking on my door; I finally peeped my head through the hole you were digging me.

Otherwise I would never be able to climb out and brush the dirt from those feelings off my chest,

And the saying: “The grass is greener on the other side“….

Might mean a lot more to you.

You can keep my heart and that tag around your neck as a memorandum of the things you’ve sacrificed for less.

With that said,

Let us have a toast for the Marvins,

and I say

GoodBYE to the Marvins.

-Leighrick

When It Hurts So Bad

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Instill your strength in me.

 

Retell your history through your eyes.

 

Whisper your power of forgiveness.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

Holding your hand I feel your vibrant soul.

 

Your minds working against time —

 

And my words are fighting the same battle.

 

Allow me to be your shield in this imaginary war.

 

Share with me the freedom of releasing our pains through tears.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

Lauryn said it the best, “what you want might make you cry”

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad.

 

It feels so good.

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

Why does it feel so good, when it hurts so bad?

 

 

 

Your smile numbs my thoughts.

 

Your laughter hinders any regrets.

 

 

 

Instill your strength in me and I’ll stand strong.

 

Your eyes tell stories non-revealed.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

As much as I’m not there beside you.

 

I place my hand upon your heart and remember the warmth.

 

History speaks although your words remain silent.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

You are my everything,

 

my heart beats differently,

 

thoughts of you replace my animosity.

 

 

 

When it hurts,

 

Who will I embrace?

 

When your not here ?

 

 

 

I Love You.

 

 

 

-Leighrick

Seeing Sinking Ships

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Seeing Sinking Ships

I see you rowing the boat I was once stuck in.

I was looking for an island or somewhere to rest my head,

Cause I was stressing from the questions.

I was hurt from the guilt of winds that kept blowing in my direction.

I know it hurts and even with a life vest on, it still feels as tho you’re drowning.

That relation-ship’s anchor broke loose and left a hole.

You’re sinking in your melancholy, yet you find yourself floating in the right direction.

Peep the radars, even in extreme stealth they’ll still manage to find you.

Hearts ain’t no joke, so what’s suppose to be punchlines are more like knockouts.

Some how this all defines you —

What do you do when the person you love defies you?

All this time staring love in the face, but it was made up…

They threw your heart back in your face, you were being lied to.

What should you do?

Your heart cant think, but your mind is the reason you feel the way you do.

All the broken promises and fuzzy memories.

I remember — you don’t need to keep reminding me of what we use to be!

How could this even be?

How was I not able to see?

Falling for another, yet you always seem to catch me.

I had grown complacent with it being a thought,  maybe even a reoccurring dream, but I refuse to make this pain my reality.

–Leighrick

Open Door Policy

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You left the door open.

I’m not sure if you know;

I’m peeping through windows,

Seeing if your alone.

I’m one foot in and one foot out

The closer you approach,

My heart starts beating faster.

Do I have time to run away?

Should I stay and tough it out?

I can’t forget what it’s like to be in the same room as you…

We don’t have to speak,

Because we make conversation through our eyes.

Let me know, who knows how to Love you like I do?

Who’s one touch can change your mood?

What kind of bullshit have you gotten use to?

If this was 21 questions, would you be truthful?

No matter if it hurt my feelings,

If I step foot in the house…

Should I be prepared to lose you?

A house is not a home,

When I left,

Where you did you find shelter?

Is it in some other womans lap – I mean shack.

I sneak down to the basement;

It’s flooding.

I can see the emotional wreckage.

The foundation’s penetrated deep with inquisitions and incisions.

Concrete cannot be plastered over

This needs to be rebuilt.

The living room is empty,

is there some irony in that?

Long halls decorated with picture perfect memories.

It’s dark back here.

Spider webs and memories collecting dust.

Do you ever roam these feelings, just to reminisce?

I guess you just stay in the front…

I see a names and numbers, but

I wont bothering hurting myself and look.

Composition books spread across the floor,

Balled up papers adorn the table.

In the refrigerator, no more selfish left to make meals?

Cups half empty, very few half full.

Dishes and dirty laundry piled up like secrets.

I saw your notebook,

Willingly with restraint to look in it.

Wondering what lays next to it.

What I mistook for empty syringes, were just empty pens,

With my picture underneath.

It’s time to leave,

Rekindling feelings of vulnerable.

In this crib,

Where once my baby and I slept.

And overslept,

And sexed,

And cried,

And laughed,

And ate,

And wrestled,

And argued,

And I packed,

And it. . . .rained.

Crying silently, I creep out.

Trying my best not to leave traces

Showing that I revisited this house…

Just as my body is half way out the door,

My hand is snatched

…and it’s yours.

You ask me to stay a while,

I can’t even look you in your face.

Instead I look down, because my eyes give me away.

Identical with my heart, my voice cracks.

You found me, but I am at a loss for words.

Uncertainty about  how I should feel.

Should I smile or should I slap you?

We both felt the pain, that our mistakes could never amount to.

But forgiveness is a drug,

I can’t help to self prescribe.

Nevertheless I leave..

My hand slipping out of yours slowly,

I try to look back but I refuse,

Is this Deja Vu?

Everything’s moving so fast,

In an instance I’m nowhere near you, but with time —

With time I’m your next door neighbor.

I’m sitting in my living room, half past dead

Watching other people live their realities in shallow misery, just to have intuition left to comfort me

And you call me..

We talk

And then you talk for hours.

I got the flowers you’d leave on my doorstep.

You offer me dinner,

I’m not sure if my heart can afford yet..

A sacrifice, I am not sure I’m willing to take

Instead – I say, “maybe“.

Eventually,

I ask you over my place for lunch.

You agree…

This isn’t a happy ending,

I am hardly satisfied.

I would like to know,

Who loves you like I do?

Or should’ve

Or would’ve

Or could’ve

Or doesn’t?

Honestly…Did I even know how to?

–Leighrick

Give a Little Light

Posted in Life, Pieces of Poetry, Thoughtful Blurbs, Transitional PiecesTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

      Can you shine a little light on me? When my days are rainy, and my hearts feeling cold. Would you shine a little light one me? You may not know me, but when we’re strangers on the streets could you smile at me instead of scolding.

      I need your soul to glow when my eyes get low, and my head drops down. Your laugh would heal the pain of not having someone to hold. Be Bold.

      When my tears fall through the pillow, would you catch them with your ears? Hear my agonies silent echoes sulking in the dim hallway. Please just ring the doorbell and say “Hi” to me.

—

       Should I beg now? Please shine a little light one me! When I cant see past the smoke, I need a bit of guidance. You haven’t met me at my finest, but God isn’t finished with me yet.

—

      So are you going to shine a little bit light on me? Because my light is kind of faint. Just fill my cup halfway, and I’ll take it from there. You’ll see that this little light of mine, I’m gone let it shine. You’ll see millions of souls will radiate when they hear me, because I hear them.

      I was them. I am them? Please, would you shine a little light one me; because I want to help heal the pain…

Thanks,

–Leighrick

Wings Under Tailored Suits