You left the door open.
I’m not sure if you know;
I’m peeping through windows,
Seeing if your alone.
I’m one foot in and one foot out
The closer you approach,
My heart starts beating faster.
Do I have time to run away?
Should I stay and tough it out?
I can’t forget what it’s like to be in the same room as you…
We don’t have to speak,
Because we make conversation through our eyes.
Let me know, who knows how to Love you like I do?
Who’s one touch can change your mood?
What kind of bullshit have you gotten use to?
If this was 21 questions, would you be truthful?
No matter if it hurt my feelings,
If I step foot in the house…
Should I be prepared to lose you?
A house is not a home,
When I left,
Where you did you find shelter?
Is it in some other womans lap – I mean shack.
I sneak down to the basement;
I can see the emotional wreckage.
The foundation’s penetrated deep with inquisitions and incisions.
Concrete cannot be plastered over
This needs to be rebuilt.
The living room is empty,
is there some irony in that?
Long halls decorated with picture perfect memories.
It’s dark back here.
Spider webs and memories collecting dust.
Do you ever roam these feelings, just to reminisce?
I guess you just stay in the front…
I see a names and numbers, but
I wont bothering hurting myself and look.
Composition books spread across the floor,
Balled up papers adorn the table.
In the refrigerator, no more selfish left to make meals?
Cups half empty, very few half full.
Dishes and dirty laundry piled up like secrets.
I saw your notebook,
Willingly with restraint to look in it.
Wondering what lays next to it.
What I mistook for empty syringes, were just empty pens,
With my picture underneath.
It’s time to leave,
Rekindling feelings of vulnerable.
In this crib,
Where once my baby and I slept.
And I packed,
And it. . . .rained.
Crying silently, I creep out.
Trying my best not to leave traces
Showing that I revisited this house…
Just as my body is half way out the door,
My hand is snatched
…and it’s yours.
You ask me to stay a while,
I can’t even look you in your face.
Instead I look down, because my eyes give me away.
Identical with my heart, my voice cracks.
You found me, but I am at a loss for words.
Uncertainty about how I should feel.
Should I smile or should I slap you?
We both felt the pain, that our mistakes could never amount to.
But forgiveness is a drug,
I can’t help to self prescribe.
Nevertheless I leave..
My hand slipping out of yours slowly,
I try to look back but I refuse,
Is this Deja Vu?
Everything’s moving so fast,
In an instance I’m nowhere near you, but with time —
With time I’m your next door neighbor.
I’m sitting in my living room, half past dead
Watching other people live their realities in shallow misery, just to have intuition left to comfort me
And you call me..
And then you talk for hours.
I got the flowers you’d leave on my doorstep.
You offer me dinner,
I’m not sure if my heart can afford yet..
A sacrifice, I am not sure I’m willing to take
Instead – I say, “maybe“.
I ask you over my place for lunch.
This isn’t a happy ending,
I am hardly satisfied.
I would like to know,
Who loves you like I do?
Honestly…Did I even know how to?