Picture ya life on the subway –
Labeled a runaway.
Always taught to chase dreams, but catching them was never imagined.
On the train til infinity, where every malfunction exceeds a boundary.
The sky ain’t the limit, its the ticket.
What’s the difference?
I can see beyond the colors of the prism.
I have touched many moons.
Floating – weightless –
Healing myself, still doctoring the wounds from when they severed the ties to my portal.
The only home I’ve known, now it just seems as if love don’t live here no more…
So I roam.
Telling the streets my secrets.
Leaving tattoos when I spit the words penetrate the skin.
The concrete cracks.
A Rose emerges.
The train door closes before I even look back…
I pricked myself on the thorns, I wail as the horn sounds…I realize
My overstanding reality is under attack.
Still in a room,
A broken mirror reflects flawless smiles of all those that once stared before it.
Gleaming eyes looking for themselves in fragments of light.
I can’t yet see through.
My tears and the street lights create stained glass.
Looking at memories abandoned in pictures, and the pain that is sheltered, buried, and concealed in temples.
Shattered and now broken open.
I pick up the pieces with the roughest edges first.
I cut myself — countless times.
It hurts not to scream!
As a child you are taught that silence is comforting,
Explicitly a fools gold, a dastardly violence.
The blood has been contaminated with secrecy.
Life’s own mystery;
What good is the knowledge of hystori if the truth never gets told?
I see myself in rare form….beautiful….
This bigger picture envisioned is actually a puzzle;
we are each others pieces.
There are no borders, filters, nor frames….
Regardless not everyone fits, still you are..
To forget is to remember, because you’re always going to make sure you don’t bring up the forbidden. Then it haunts and taunts you, but it’s not really there; though its ever present. On the other hand, you don’t remember, remember you forgot, about that one time you wished was never made a memory.
Now it’s history, playing the leading roll as the extra that shouts during a silent film. Bothersome, a smile is usually a cure, these thoughts are even more minuscule when I laugh.
What’s on my mind? I’ve told you this story a thousand times, or maybe that was the one about when I was 11. I forgot I promised myself I wouldn’t tell anyone, except the first person I see if I ever made it to Heaven.
I was thinking all of this when I was 7. 13 years later, wait…..what was I just writing about? I realize I’m looking in the mirror — wait….what am I crying about?
This isn’t really considered lying, if no one ever knows the truth. It’s not your apologue to pick and choose a heroine! I do what I feel is best, and from experiences we grow and come to gain knowledge.
At a young age wisdom pierced through my gums trying to break the silence, and instead of removing the pain, I embraced it.
I’ve been a victim of violence, I’ve been a master of persuasion. I’ve sacrificed my self for love and repeatedly been heartbroken by patience.
No medication, only Meditation.
On occasions I sit and reminisce about the memories I forget, write about them, and then burn the pages…..
I sit —
damn, what was I going to say again?
Man sometimes I get so frustrated with myself and the mistakes I make, but I realize I will keep making them until I learn my lesson. I have to also take into consideration that I am young, but no matter what age I am these life comes with its set of challenges. I am grateful to have the set of eyes to realize this. I wont be able to spell satisfaction with the action. I will be better.
July 1, 2013
Barely a week has passed since I’ve turned 21, and Saturday I lost my ID…..sigh.
I’m really too bummed about it, because I took it as a sign. For some days I had been feeling “disconnected”. In which case, I ventured off to my place of peace, the Beach. During my admiration of I being a witness of the sunset, I guess, somehow my ID and bus card slipped out my pocket. I was so in awe, I stood and watched as it was carried away in the swallow of waves.
The Pacific Ocean, Mother Nature had embraced me. With this overwhelming feeling of comfort.Still grasping the reality; now more than ever I am connected with the world.
Yes, we all leave footprints that get washed away as if we were never there, but I stood and thought with excitement where will I end up?! Who will find me?! Better who will I find?
I am at peace.
(Don’t confuse with passion with pure happiness. In reality it really sucks that it happened lol)
However I try to envision silver lines in clouds. More than ever I can be whoever I want to be! I can be a kid again, having aged wisdom.
I mean I wanted a new ID anyways, maybe in this new one I won’t look like a Hobbit.
[Below are pictures I took in the moment]