Tag: Emotions

Journey of a Gemini

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The Journey of a Gemini

I’ve been on this journey seeking the other half of me.

My eyes have grown weary & my heart weak.

My head hung low in disappointment.

To the point I’m trying to reach, each step seems as though I’m getting further in distance.

I sit in isolation, sand storms caressing my mind, blizzards comforting my heart, and the great flood drowning my soul.

Heat stroke seemed only to be the only thing comforting me.

Until he came and sat beside me.

I felt his ear to my soul…

His thoughts beating to the rhythm of my heart.

I smile because he’s found me.

The Journey of a Gemini

I’ve sought to find the other half of me.

I am his sun.

He is my moon.

I wonder if knows he’s found me in my worst storm.

That the rain just isn’t nature’s cry for help, but my own spirits.

I want him,

I want him to understand, his smile is my sunset and his eyes are my ocean.

Understand he is my place of peace,

Someone who hears my screams and yells back to comfort me.

I run my hands through the sand, his trails and tribulations.

His breaths kindred to the night waves.

He is my reach past the stars, and the sky…with him I feel no limits.

And

If I am to him Queen, He is my King..

Pour out our thoughts.

Mix our Love.

And build a barricade around our sandcastle.

This is the Journey of a Gemini.

I realize what lies beyond his eyes

&

The difference between what lies hes been told, and what lies in his heart.

As I lie in his arms

He embraces my anticipation.

This journey reflects on my rebuilding of trust.

Does he know he is the foundation?

Everyday will be Summer time, because I will be his sun shining light on his journey as well.

This is the story of a Gemini.

I’ve found the other half of me.

He knows the other half, nobody has ever known,

He is the half of me, I’m always been afraid of showing

but

Somehow through this poem, my feelings for him just flow.

Massaging his doubts..

Our fingers interlock, and we’ll begin our journey together.

The only dream I look forward to, he seems to be better than reality its self.

I wonder…

Is this journey of a Gemini only a dream, because if so fuck that…I want him inside of me.

Not only thoughts, but in feelings,

not only by touch is he healing

but he comforts me, when it feels as though I am emotionless

Incapable of affection…

I feel so Emotional that I am Emotionless

I often wonder if he’s testing me…teasing me?

Love has no boundaries, I stopped to take a break…I gave up on that shit!

I look ahead, and loves found me.

Now I wonder…should I further this journey?

Mother these problems?

Become acquainted with long lost feelings?

Curse the father of my thoughts?

Pet the idea of falling in love again?

Love hurt me before, my chambers turned ice cold

&

My rib cage turned into jail bars.

I feel myself unable to escape.

I wonder if he knows this is me?

Am I accepted?

All I ask for is my love to be respected — and if wants to

He can grab my hand, and join me.

This is the journey of a Gemini.

I am half asleep with my eyes wide open.

I cant see him, but I hear him, and I feel our love growing closer.

He yells, “Love Stinks!“

Well that love stench is me, because I’ve been traveling for to long on this damn journey.

But

What can I say?...It’s the Gemini in Me.

-Leighrick

The Coldest War

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Everyone said life was going to be this hard

However, everyone failed to mention the scars would remain, less obvious than outer appearance.

Daily wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Scabs and keloids protrude from untold her-stories,

 

Belly swollen full of manipulation.

Brain dead,

Unconscious,

Self-conscious —

 

Afraid of self.

 

PAIN

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Her tongue remedial compared to cat like reflexes.

Her own two sense, something she cant afford.

 

She Wrote.

and so

She Spoke.

 

She becomes family with led and ink.

In-laws of different colors

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,

as is her pain,

She Wrote.

 

This lonely child found the comfort in the instruments, the silence, and the trees.

 

All she wrote repeatedly:

 

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!“…

 

Peers read, what appears?

What is perceived?

 

The agony brought a smile upon her face, because shes discovered one of her many talents

Acting.

 

Just Leave Me.

Leave Her Alone.

 

MEANING

Comfort Me.

 

This little girl is on a scavenger hunt.

She tries to abandon the labels, they hold her back.

She searches for someone to foster her creativity.

She longs for someone to adopt her perception.

Her conscience is an Orphan.

 

This lonely child is lost in all the love.

 

Mouth dry as wood.

Eyes shinning bright like dim lights.

These Pinocchio’s snout would grow

if they deny being puppets too.

 

She just wants to be a real woman.

They hear her speak, but no one

LISTENS.

Judgments are passed along,

accompanied by unconditional love.

Under the conditions of seeing thoroughly, only when they chose not to be

BLIND.

 

so confused.

 

Life is hard, for that she was prepared.

They keeping telling her to explain herself.

But no one understands her language.

She tries to translate it, but motha fuckas are impatient.

 

Feeling like a patient, she nursing her thoughts.

Remember, this poor girl is brain dead.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

 

So.

The shadow unexpectedly appeared

placed the pen to her temple.

imprinted a hand against her heart,

and pressed her mouth onto hers.

 

She inhaled comprehension and took her first gasp of LIFE.

Tasteless.

 

Nervous.

Excited.

She understands her language, she wrote back to her through thoughts, emotions, and intuition.

She spoke.

The first words for a young adult.

“I Love You”

She grew inside her,wisdom, her tears the waters that bloomed this gracious flower.

 

Everyone told her life was going to be this hard.

She thought her shit would come out softer after the bullshit they fed her,

another fallacy sugar coated.

 

She’s screaming at her

Lullabies sweet and low.

Her honesty

Bittersweet.

 

This Woman is a Solider.

The series of this Coldest War.

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Hurricane Emotion

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She turned her back on everything

Yet

The world is still revolving around her.

Time is non-directional, yet it always moves forward

She’s living in the past;

“the has been“s and “the had“s.

 

Her eyes embodying the oceans…

A sea of tears.

She tried to swim through Hurricane Emotion

But

Her life’s guard was off duty.

 

She drowned in the lies, because she let her guard down.

Heart broken like a levy

Only left to wallow in her own agony.

 

Everyone saw, but no one cloud help.

Many predicted the storm, but she denied the forecast.

 

That’s when the spiraling down came,

A tornado came ripping off her security blanket.

Now she sits as she arrived in this world…naked.

 

Cold.

The storm is no where near over,

The eye of the storm still precipitating mis-beliefs.

 

Unable to sleep through the pain.

She tries to maintain body heat, but in her most sacred place the lights are out.

 

Where she lies awaiting predetermined rescue..

The foundation cracks.

She’s falling threw the hole shes dug herself…Relapse.

 

She looked to the cross, but found no answers within all the red.

If FEMA couldn’t save Katrina,

What kind of hope should she have left?

 

Numb.

Living physically, but mentally paralyzed.

She looked into the eye of the storm, but she was only showered with more dishonesty.

 

She can’t detach herself from what she built.

Blood, Trust, and Love went into what she built.

Even when they threw dirt on her, she continued to build.

 

Covered in Filth,

But showered in Faith.

She’s now,

Fed up and stagnant.

Confused cause she’s living in days of darkness,

When just across the fence the grass is greener on the other side.

 

But

She keeps faith.

Faith that one day this Monster House

Will become a Master House,

When she’s no longer enslaved by her emotions.

 

The contract contradicts the blue prints.

The feelings filled up to the ceiling,

She doesn’t have insurance to cover that.

Feeling like, she just wants her parents to get that life insurance check.

 

She asks for reassurance, and that triggers a land slide.

She was sliding down the land she once  stood strong, and tall on.

Everything she’s sacrificed is now tumbling with her.

Now she’s falling to the depths of the emotional wreckage.

 

How can she ever fathom trust again.

Her hearts gone bankrupt,

Mind said fuck it,

She is about to give up, and settle for that single bedroom apartment.

 

Whose to say she’s going to survive the other storms to come.

Whose to say she won’t.

 

She could be dead because she’s stupid, or living because she fell in love with a joke.

 

-Leighrick

 

Psalms 91

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This Morning…

This Morning I awoke from a Dream, petrified.

I was sitting in a pew, and was whisked away blindfolded.

This Morning…

This Morning I awoke from that Dream, petrified.

I rose from my slumber, exhausted, confused, and intimidated.

Trying to leave my bed, but it has turned into a swamp.

Drenched in emotions and adrenaline, I drown.

This Afternoon…

This Afternoon I awoke, and gave truth to the meaning :

“Sleep is the cousin of Death”

I took the leap of faith out of my bed, praying that these wooden floors wouldn’t turn to quick sand.

I calm myself.

I make myself breakfast for the first time in weeks,

because my brain was suffering from malnutrition.

Not your cliche Food for thought,

but more like the last taste of food before an execution.

I ate.

Today I woke up with a foreign feeling.

It seemed as though God was making a Long Distance phone call to me,

and some how it got intercepted and misinterpreted,

I disconnected myself for all communication, and left the phone off the hook.

Figuring if I silence all my problems, these alien feelings will go back to their homeland of seclusion,

and leave me the hell alone.

Only,

My dream became real.

This feelings blinded me with the mirror of my reflection, and like a stork,

they carried me in their mouths and delivered me to the doorsteps of my conflict.

The issues that birthed this misguided monstrosity,

looked down on me,

but like a baby I couldn’t comprehend why I have been apprehended from my tranquility,

a place in which I call home.

While present in physicality, yet idle in mind —

The television was no longer poising my mind, but replenishing my conscience.

On this journey to meet the problems that created me,

I discover understanding.

Something so simple as washing the dishes,

gave knowledge that the things most overlooked consume the biggest life lessons.

I stand up and stop kneeling down to these mistakes.

I need to regain balance; as the stork was delivering me back to my dormant mind,

it dropped in me a body of water.

This afternoon….

I awoke leaning up against a wall,

drenched in water, I was cleansing myself of low self-esteem.

As I cleansed my self with a black soaped dove, I felt purity again,

as regret stormed down the drain.

Finished,

The towel, like my love ones soaked up any disbelief of their love for me.

I am clean.

I rest.

For tonight…

Tonight,

The sun is my kiss goodnight.

The birds are my lullaby.

I thought I shut all doors and windows,

but stealthier than the I air breathe,

Insomnia crept up on me and suffocated my pillow with my thoughts.

Wrapped with a blanket of restlessness,

The birds continually ease my soul in to slumber,

and as I fade, the Sun gently kisses my forehead,

My deprivation tucks me in, and I sleep…like a baby,

Until a couple of hours pass, and I wake up again

I look out the window, and the Sun has been screaming —

I am trying to restore the balance in my life; however right now,

Sleep is not Kin to me; therefore, we’ve become unfamiliar faces.

I just wish these thought clouds of anticipation would precipitate patience.

But,

I cannot just sit around under this umbrella, and wait for dreams to come true.

So,

I will reacquaint myself with sleep,

extract love from my dreams,

and deliver myself success

Beautiful Struggle.

Because the truth is, it doesn’t really matter who I used to be.

Its all about who Ive become. 

Next time I will be sure to put my phone on vibrate.

-Leighrick

Misty Eyes

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Lust will set a trap

Don’t fall for it

or else you’ll fall

in the dusts of love

trying to catch it.

While the memories slowly

collect dust.

You cleanse your body

of the mud that the tears created.

You washed the clothes you wore that day

so much they faded.

They see you and

act like they don’t know you.

As if you didn’t share a past

when you’re in each others presence.

I guess that love scheme was just a blessing,

in disguise of genius.

Who knew

not to mix emotions in with their lovemaking.

I would ask about values,

But how much Self-worth

is Self-pity?

You dotted your i’s and crossed your t’s,

still the P’s and Q’s leave you questioning.

Ain’t that peculiar?

You use to be gay with eyes filled with glee,

Singing the songs of others

that once experienced the same love.

Unfortunately,

The rainbow that came into sight

when it rained

on your parade

is now

a new shade of grey.

–Leighrick

Subliminal Trenches

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You dig, I trip.

You keep diggin’, I’ll fall.

You dig deeper, I might evolve  into someone greater than the woman before the fall.

Will you catch me?

If not, I hope there’s cushioning.

I’m not comfortable falling under the conditions of second guessing.

I don’t think I’m ready. I swear, I turned my head and you pushed me.

Or was it when I bent down to tie my shoe, is that the reason you offered to do it for me?

You put a lot of work into that digging, was it all for me?

Or is there another falling after me, Is there someone before me?

Am I the only one trying to grasp it?

 

I know that some times happens, but I’m not too fond of traffic.

Is this a two way street?

Red is Stop. Yellow is Yield. Green is Go.

So should I go now, slow down, and stop completely at a stand-still?

Or should I stop now, start slow, then go through with the motions.

At the rate I’m falling now…I may hit the bottom of the ocean.

I’m running out of metaphors, I think I have hit the bottom line.

Like basically, I like you. I can see Love if we both try.

 

I’m not sure if you know this poem is about you. I’d be disappointed if you couldn’t decipher

if your right from what I write.

Sometimes I feel like you know me so well, but there’s a lot of stuff I hide.

Like my smile behind my pride. The pain behind my eyes. The fear behind my laugh. These feelings behind these lines.

 

Truthfully, I had to write this to get you off my mind.

Unfortunately, right now I don’t have time.

 

I have tunnel vision. Right now I’m at that red light.

I’ma take my time tho, until that light mellows out to yellow.

When I have my goals straight, my thoughts in place, and my dreams at the finish line.

If you’re still there waiting, I’ll come pick you up on the way.

 

All I ask of you is not to feel obligated to wait on me.

I’m still waiting on myself.

I’d rather put development into myself, instead of you accompanying me on the trail and errors.

I want to be ready. I have yet to discover my full self.

I guess I wrote this piece to express these feelings subliminally.

I’ll laugh when you think this poem is about you, but

Who else could it be?

 

Peace,

 

–Leighrick