Half Asleep With a Full Mind

No Sleep makes me feel anxious.

Am I anticipating life, is this dangerous?

Certain thoughts keep replaying.

Falling asleep in 30min increments.

I now understand why sleep is the cousin of death.

Maybe that’s why I’m afraid? T

he explanation of so many nights spent wide wake?

Regret must be the kin as well.

I attempt to adopt Confidence.

Never think your too good for your past it shaped you?

[ Fuck That ! ]

Trying to ignore these sleepless nights,

every thing is fake; like that one day of the year in April.

That’s it !

My minds playing tricks on me again, and has the seasons confused.

This is winter, hibernate…?

Retracing steps back, to clean up tarnished dreams.

Instead my mind is freezing; because the blood I’m pumping is really cold,

I’d say about below 0°.

My eyes open wide shut, paralyzed…

Stuck — trying to define my own destiny.

Trying — to convince myself its not my baggage?

Its not my fault?

I didn’t deserve it?

Visions pretty foggy; the sun stopped shining.

I know a change is gone come,

I just don’t know if I can wait for it.

I gotta find a peace of mind;

How do I do that when I’ve lost a piece of my mind?

People talk about a race against time?

I am in a race to get mine —

Forget the paper chase, I fucked around and lost my mind.

Sometimes I feel like grabbing a piece, throwing the peace, then disappearing.

Lost in time, lost in feelings, it seems I’ve lost my touch.

I cant feel the peace within me, just pressed against me.

Shoot all thoughts of negativity that associates itself with me.

But —

I sit back and cool down.

Shaded in the background.

Summer will make its way around eventually.

No sleep makes me feel anxious…

Maybe I’m asking too much?

Maybe just a nap will do.

If only I had one wish…..

Unfortunately, Life is repetitive.

I’m no longer giving a “Fuck”, but I was generous enough to give you this poem to reflect on.



When Dreams Become Reality

When Dreams Become Reality


This evening

I found my imagination in the back of my mind.

I’m feeling remorse;  I should have listened to my conscience.

My creativity was knocking on my temple.

Tylenol, shut it up…

Now my hearts paying for it.

I closed my eyes, covered my ears, and listened to my soul cry.


I traveled my  medulla oblongata.

I flinch. My dreams turned into nightmares.

I see my imagination lay wasted thin like water.


Paralyzed mind.

My conscience has become the new Cesar.


I look left and my creativity has overdosed on refer.

I look right at the nightmares beating my dreams.

I look behind me, and my conscience shaking.

I can no longer witness this.

I look ahead and my imagination is dead.


Insanity has sunk in.


This is absent Schizophrenia.

I don’t know who I am.

Because of this is Bipolarity;

I can’t choose a feeling!


Living poison.

My words are tainted.

My tongue is numb.

My heart is ignorant.

Have I gone blind?


Am I jeopardizing my own purity?!


Pen to my head.

Placing notebook paper down to surround myself.

I’m making my bed.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; I’m terrified by making a mess.


Leighrick is whispering in my ear,” Chaotic just go through with it“.


How did she know that about me?

Who told her my first name?


I can’t do this anymore!”

I don’t know what I’m saying.


My history is spilling out my closet.

My conscience turned the lights on.

I look left and right forgetting I’m blind.

I stop and listen..


I hear myself dying!


Jumping out the bed; I vomit.

I feel around for my inspiration; turns out that’s what filled the sink!

I vomit again.

Except when I flushed the toilet, along with the rejection went my dreams.


I leave the red lit room.

Trying to feel my way back;

The walls disintegrate around me.


I collapse on my bed.

Place the pen in my hand.

If I’m already dying inside, who’ll appreciate  what’s left?

Beauty is within, but so is deception.


Chaotic is talking to me, “Don’t do it Leighrick“.

Leighrick is yelling at me, “Wait, I thought I was Candace?!

Candace is screaming to both of them, “I’m going through with this. I don’t know who I am!!


Leighrick says, “You’re Chaotic

Chaotic says, “You’re Candace

Candace says, “Shut the fuck up! Fuck! I’m losing it!!


I lay upon my bed of paper.

With a red pillow behind my head.

I want to disguise the blood; for whomever may find me.

They won’t be freaked out when realizing I’m dead.


I put the pen to my head.


Goes the trigger.


Ink consumes my body.

My soul is released.


The next morning there’s knockin’ on my door.

The knocks go unanswered…their whispers fade,

shhh, we should just let her sleep.”


The poet lays at peace.


Just in case you didn’t notice, I committed homicide with the piece.


Next time you’ll know not to judge, but

Instead to stop to let the poet speak.



That Chaotic, Leighrickal, Young Lady C.


When dreams become reality
When dreams become reality

Misty Eyes

Lust will set a trap

Don’t fall for it

or else you’ll fall

in the dusts of love

trying to catch it.

While the memories slowly

collect dust.

You cleanse your body

of the mud that the tears created.

You washed the clothes you wore that day

so much they faded.

They see you and

act like they don’t know you.

As if you didn’t share a past

when you’re in each others presence.

I guess that love scheme was just a blessing,

in disguise of genius.

Who knew

not to mix emotions in with their lovemaking.

I would ask about values,

But how much Self-worth

is Self-pity?

You dotted your i’s and crossed your t’s,

still the P’s and Q’s leave you questioning.

Ain’t that peculiar?

You use to be gay with eyes filled with glee,

Singing the songs of others

that once experienced the same love.


The rainbow that came into sight

when it rained

on your parade

is now

a new shade of grey.


Confession No.17 : The Only One I’d Pick

Damn —


This kind of hard for me to admit. —


Well I’m only doing this, because I love you..


So let me start.


Hello Reader,

My name is Leighrick…and I’m an asshole.


Ugh, There I said it !


But I have the best intentions.


I’m sorry, cause I know I got a problem,

but I cant help the fact that I fall in love with you all over again, every time you scream.

So I ruffle your feather a little more because it sound so angelic when you moan.

But I just want to caress you.

I cant tell if you’re annoyed, or if you like the attention

but I Don’t Give A F–k, because its impossible to leave you alone.



Whew, there’s more…


Hello Reader,

My name Leighrick…and…and…I AM JEALOUS.

Fuck that, I’m envious, I’m frustrated, and I’m in love.

I hate loving seeing you with other people, it drives me insane !

Even if I tried I couldnt escape you!

Its like you’ve put some kind of spell on me.


To be honest,

You make me work harder each day, I mean…

You do get around a lot, but I wouldn’t call that promiscuous just extremely social.

Your beauty is so distinguished yet exotic.

I bet if I kidnap you (which is a dream of mine)

That I could take you to any place in the world,

gather a group of people…

And wrap my hand around your throat, and rub your stomach in unison with each other,

and Every single person there would immediately fall in love with your laugh.



Because you see ironically, you have me wrapped around your finger.

I’ve never felt so understood until you laid in my arms…

Gave me support when I felt as though no one had my back, and fell asleep in my lap

You have allowed me to beat the living hell out of you, mistaking your cry for happiness..

I fell in love with you, and you didn’t even half to talk back…

As I wrapped my hands from behind you,

with your back pressed against my chest,

allowing my love for you to seep into the hole in the middle of your soul,

and allowed me to give you Fulfillment.




I don’t think I can go any further, but until I’ve made you fall in love with me

over and over and over and over and over again, countless number of times and you realize

I wont stop.

and love me back.





Hello Reader,

My name is Leighrick, and…I am..I AM A STALKER!

Dammit !

I mean, what do you expect me to do??

Your voice has permanently made its self a home in my ears,

We fit perfectly into each other arms.

You are the missing piece of the my imagination’s creative puzzle (huh?)

I mean, You cant blame me really, because you ARE everywhere…


I’d create a Twitter just follow YOU.

and that says a lot because…well okay I don’t really have a reason,

but I want to be the little birdie on your shoulder, while your telling me as long as Im with you,

Everything going to be alright.



You are Mine.



And I know I could be a little rough at times, but your grunts are very clear and thorough,

Which is why i give you your space,

and when you go to be with someone else…

I am doing what twitters doing, only…instead of just cyber stalking you,

I’m following you around spying on you,

Right there listening to ya’ll conversations,

Because I already know I can relate, because they’re in love with you too…



Variations of peace exist solely because of you.

I love all your personalities, but I admire the simple you.







You See,


I know I am not the first,

I know I am not the last,


but baby, if you just sing for me —


You’ll be everything I never had but always wanted, finally in my grasp.

The high that keeps me grounded,

and the love I’ve worked so hard to receive,

that every time I look at you, I smile because

You’ve healed my pain, harmonized my soul, and cleansed my brain,

A new found love with depth of centuries of history…


Hello Reader,

My name is Leighrick,

and I am in Love.