Tag: Love

Be OPEN.

Meet Me at Our Special Place

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Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

And —

Maybe…

Just Maybe…

One of them is not me,

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

—

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

“Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me…

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking…

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick

My Crossroad

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n the Salvation Army.

I have come to my crossroad

—

I’m standing here alone.

It’s like I know what’s right,

But I still keep going left.

If I reach my hand out,

would you reach back..

and embrace me?

I know I gave you the cold shoulder,

But the hand that I’m extending,

Has my heart on its sleeve.

—

Tonight’s the first time I’ve cried in a couple months,

Lately I ain’t been having time to grieve.

It usually doesn’t rain in Southern California.

But, That was just self greed,

My pride is too rich and My heart is broke.

Middle class mind,

Living diagonal

I walk a thin line

Between Ups n Downs

—

Doesn’t help the DJ keeps playing my love song, in the background.

Elevator music.

—

I get lifted,

Too high to see my lows.

But,

When I come down,

I hit rock bottom,

Too low to see the skies.

I’m diggin’ my hole deeper

Consumed by the darkness.

 —

Look what we’ve done.

I would blame you, it takes two.

—

I stand before my crossroads.

It’s not much surrounding.

Suddenly this sand turned to sea,

And now I’m staring into the horizon

drowning in the ocean.

Still,

My most sacred place

is the beach.

—

I’m leaning towards the right.

 —

Fear is mocking me,

Honesty is trynna bargain with me,

Lust is taunting,

Memories are interrupting,

Why is Love testing me?

I lift my hand to pick you up when you were down,

I never cheated.

I did my homework, tried learning everything about you that I didn’t know,

When the questions were proposed, there was no research needed.

The pieces about you, are the notes that fill in many of my notebooks.

—

I was a student in this lesson of love.

I guess we’ve failed the final.

I’m more upset, because I thought it was just a midterm,

Until you said,

” Fuck it, I Never Actually Loved”, anyways…

and that was FINAL.

—-

Sitting at this crossroad.

I’ve been thinking about you.

That’s how I know things changed,

Because I use to always think about Us…

I’ve stopped crying now.

The sun will come out tomorrow,

My conscience has quieted down.

I’ll just listen to my thoughts

until I fade into temporary unconsciousness,

Waking up tomorrow with a smile full of pain,

but shinning bright with denial.

–Leighrick

Inaccurate Precision

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I’m always right sometimes…

I mean who else can find such greatness in depression?

He says I’m painfully beautiful; I hope smirks can calm nerves.

More times than less I appear invisible.
People are always looking at me, but they cant see me.
Is that why they stare so blankly?

He tells me I have a noticeable absence, but is never coming is better than being late?

I’m always right sometimes….

I can’t help that I am naturally strange !

I had a dream last night, I mean we all do….it’s no open secret

However,
You & I were in a room alone together.
Suddenly, we both began laughing hysterically, kind of like a sad joy.
We just sat, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed until this morning…I woke up dead.

Now this may sound wilde, but I can resist anything, except temptation!
I am a wolf in lambs clothes, an honest thief.
And unfortunate as this mastery is, I am great at smuggling hearts.
A little pain never hurt anyone, right?

I’m always right sometimes…

I mean these are modern relationships are so old fashion!
Let’s create our own love; it’s our only choice!
The start to this will be amazing!
Then we can end painfully beautiful.
A little pain never hurt anyone, right?

I’m always right sometimes…

Pain for Pleasure?
You seem awfully happy; why I am crying?
Just because this is almost exactly what I wanted.
Now, let’s not act like adult children about this.
We agree to disagree…

I’m always right sometimes…

I always write, sometimes in wordless books
This ones I named : Our Love-Hate Relationship.

Inaccurate Precision.

-Leighrick

Castles Made of Sand

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I hear my train comin’ as the hands on the clock get close to holding each other. 12 marks the spot. Midnight to be exact. When the darkness reveals its self in the beauty of the stars, and still hides in the light. There are too many stars to count; I wonder is it possible to run out of wishes? Well — I empty my pockets out into the pond. The change I’d pay the price to see. Within the ripples, [stop the music]….I’m not quite finished dreaming.

Listening to the winds singing, imagine we were dancing with stars. We can be the first to create life on Mars, and instead of counting sheep to fall asleep we sit and watch the cow measuring the circumference of the Moon.

Tonight it’s blue with a purple-ish tint,
I figured it’s been walked on, one too many times…

We are one of a kind, a love many couple wish they could explain — even better comprehend. So we pretend that our love doesn’t really exist. Like this is all just some fairy tale, because even those endings aren’t always happy. Secretly we’re happy. Publicly we’re ignorant and bliss is our shadows. And even from 2,000 miles I can hear my train coming. Midnight is leaving.

Questioning my sadness, why is love so deceiving? All board the train, I step foot on; then transforms into paper planes, and floats me back down onto my window seal.

Still.
I sit still.

I left for you, and you never came to get me. You’re guilty of stealing smiles. My innocence is steel, you can never penetrate the real me….I guess I am the one that’s guilty. That seems to be all I ever hear, judgements.

You never came to get me.

I heard my train coming, and I tried to wait patiently for you…you were never really here? I pushed you so far I thought you’d bounce back, instead you stayed in the clear. Far away from what I needed, but close to everything I wanted.

Power trips on bleeding hearts and exposes vulnerability. Now I am up all night counting how many sheep can idealistically equal a cow.

Memories take vacations, and some never bother to reappear. They become residents in complacency, neighboring fear. I AM NOT SCARED ANY MORE – only scarred.

How long does it take bruises to heal on broken hearts? ….

I guess this piece is just a start. We can still be a collage instead of a picture; there’s no such thing as perfect art! We haven’t practiced much anyways, but we can start. Take the best of you and best of me, embrace what we’ve become, actors call this role play.

THIS REAL, I feel it — at least I felt it. I mean I thought I had before.

The Pain — You keep digging holes trying to tunnel into my heart, but you’ve barely scratched the surface. You’ve been here before.

I choose to ignore the thoughts of you that rise like smoke when the train approaches.

Love. This is the shit that every one longs for?
That they wait so long for?
That they bend their backs and run laps trying to chase it, go through hurdles, and take long jumps for…. sacrifice.

That must be nice.

Being able to love the one you longed for….

I hear my train a coming. I see deep feelings rocking relationships. I smell the exhaust from the complaints.

Crash landing.

The one in a million we all mourn for.

No Love Lost,
-Leighrick

No FIlter

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A promising question.

Promiscuous Answers.

Aware that there’s life after me, but

Next life time, will I see you again?

Actions of selfishness,

Defy the suppression of nostalgic thoughts.

The hurt of remembering leaves emotional scars.

Two sleeves baring tattooed broken hearts.

This wardrobe neglected and dejected.

Hand-me-downs – Hand me down faded smiles.

Happiness hasn’t felt the same

Not even Sadness itself has felt this shame.

Conversations turn into confessions,

History’s left unwritten – the mysteries…

What is (y)OUR story?

I’ve revised mine.

This Fantasy has turned Non-Fiction.

Once believed in fairy tales until discovering,

Witches can be men too.

As minds wonder –

On those long walks are you searching for me?

Inside feeling empty, but how long will this last?

Hungry since birth, never tasting satisfaction.

How does one go about embracing the present

If they cannot fully comprehend their past?

Promising Questions.

Broken Answers.

Has Cupid cast a spell on us forever?

Cursed with loving you, never?

Instead I curse until I start feeling a little better.

Use to weather any story together,

Star gazing as the sky is falling,

Today feels more like Christmas in the Summer.

-Leighrick ♥

Unfinished Eulogy

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Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart hurting.

I find no condolences in loneliness.

My bed is comforting, but there’s too much space.

As my pillows lend their shoulders to me, I plead my case.

I plead the 5th.

Well…this 5th I got in my hand.

Minus about 3 oz,

so you can add whatever left

of this 8th..

I just want something to draw a smile from me, without misery being written all over my face.

His name permanently engraved,

We’re hangin’ on a thread,

I guess symbolically this chain, and I tend to notice its

been lingering to left side,

where the melancholy is the strongest..

With these words, Ive built sentences

and with these sentences, Ive filled notebooks.

A literary chest to store these memories

being ready to be put at rest, but

within these notebooks,

I have written a thousand drafts of Eulogies,

but have never finished one.

Its like being 3 1/2 feet deep

negotiating with Satan,

because Ive already been to Hell and back

trying to attain some truth and knowledge behind, Real Love.

But

the other half of me

is being cradled by God,

In a dream, but it seems nothing less than real.

I’m not gonna lie some nights I contemplate it.

Life without him has been a Broadway play, without the music.

So much potential yet so much pressure, enough to make someone lose it.

And I did,

within the “it”

I lost “I”

So really…

I’m still looking for the two of us.

Phantoms of you appear seldom,

only because I know you’ll never be here,

but its my Guilty Pleasure.

Still —

I am here…

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart yearning, but Mind careful.

I am Sorry tho,

I had to get that off my chest,

My whole thing is, I am afraid.

There’s no other place my heart would be,

than on my sleeve, for all to see, cause….

there’s no doubt

I still love him.

-Leighrick

Dragon Days

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My heart loves you more than my mind is allowing myself. The deeper I fall, the less fear.
My heart beats to a different rhythm; too excited it skips it’s beats. Overwhelmed with emotions, I hiccup on my thoughts. I am Hungry. Yearning to devour your heart, you so sweetly catered to me in the palms of your hand. A closed mouth won’t get fed. Sealed lips hold my words captive, bruised ribs protect my own heart, it’s tender. My full mind aches unspeakable curiosity.

King, defeat the dragon!

I feel – as though my hearts burning in the fury of my own fire. The desire, your optical liquidation quenches my thirst. My own tears drown me within the approaching tomorrow; I am impatient. Will your way into the ability to read my mind, when the cat has my tongue. Allow me to lounge in your clothes, and walk in my shoes –  dig your heel into the sole, and my reacquaint me with my own. This sleep deprivation has me writing too revealing. Can it be possible that my words need rest?

 -Leighrick