My Crossroad

n the Salvation Army.

I have come to my crossroad

I’m standing here alone.

It’s like I know what’s right,

But I still keep going left.

If I reach my hand out,

would you reach back..

and embrace me?

I know I gave you the cold shoulder,

But the hand that I’m extending,

Has my heart on its sleeve.

Tonight’s the first time I’ve cried in a couple months,

Lately I ain’t been having time to grieve.

It usually doesn’t rain in Southern California.

But, That was just self greed,

My pride is too rich and My heart is broke.

Middle class mind,

Living diagonal

I walk a thin line

Between Ups n Downs

Doesn’t help the DJ keeps playing my love song, in the background.

Elevator music.

I get lifted,

Too high to see my lows.

But,

When I come down,

I hit rock bottom,

Too low to see the skies.

I’m diggin’ my hole deeper

Consumed by the darkness.

 —

Look what we’ve done.

I would blame you, it takes two.

I stand before my crossroads.

It’s not much surrounding.

Suddenly this sand turned to sea,

And now I’m staring into the horizon

drowning in the ocean.

Still,

My most sacred place

is the beach.

I’m leaning towards the right.

 —

Fear is mocking me,

Honesty is trynna bargain with me,

Lust is taunting,

Memories are interrupting,

Why is Love testing me?

I lift my hand to pick you up when you were down,

I never cheated.

I did my homework, tried learning everything about you that I didn’t know,

When the questions were proposed, there was no research needed.

The pieces about you, are the notes that fill in many of my notebooks.

I was a student in this lesson of love.

I guess we’ve failed the final.

I’m more upset, because I thought it was just a midterm,

Until you said,

” Fuck it, I Never Actually Loved”, anyways…

and that was FINAL.

—-

Sitting at this crossroad.

I’ve been thinking about you.

That’s how I know things changed,

Because I use to always think about Us…

I’ve stopped crying now.

The sun will come out tomorrow,

My conscience has quieted down.

I’ll just listen to my thoughts

until I fade into temporary unconsciousness,

Waking up tomorrow with a smile full of pain,

but shinning bright with denial.

Leighrick

Where Do Lost Angels Go?

Flowing water open portals.
whether closed or open, they become free.

Free of feeling, thinking, oblivious to knowledge.
Why am I crying?

Drops of glee, grief, enmity, even when drowsy.

Bottled water preserving them over years.
The pit fall, the pitiful — cork high and bottle deep.

There is so much in the rush, but slow to accumulate.

I am not weak, I am strong !

There has been weeks in years, I’ve held on
When I listen to this song, when I see that face, when I smell the fear, when I taste the salt —I stand tall.

Bursting out into tears like a fire-hydrant.
I’m my own river, cliche, denial.

For crying out loud, don’t be so quiet!!
Say something, at least the most you can say is ‘nothing’..

What’s wrong?
Nothing.

Flowing water opens portals.
whether closed or open, you become free.

-Leighrick