My Crossroad

n the Salvation Army.

I have come to my crossroad

I’m standing here alone.

It’s like I know what’s right,

But I still keep going left.

If I reach my hand out,

would you reach back..

and embrace me?

I know I gave you the cold shoulder,

But the hand that I’m extending,

Has my heart on its sleeve.

Tonight’s the first time I’ve cried in a couple months,

Lately I ain’t been having time to grieve.

It usually doesn’t rain in Southern California.

But, That was just self greed,

My pride is too rich and My heart is broke.

Middle class mind,

Living diagonal

I walk a thin line

Between Ups n Downs

Doesn’t help the DJ keeps playing my love song, in the background.

Elevator music.

I get lifted,

Too high to see my lows.

But,

When I come down,

I hit rock bottom,

Too low to see the skies.

I’m diggin’ my hole deeper

Consumed by the darkness.

 —

Look what we’ve done.

I would blame you, it takes two.

I stand before my crossroads.

It’s not much surrounding.

Suddenly this sand turned to sea,

And now I’m staring into the horizon

drowning in the ocean.

Still,

My most sacred place

is the beach.

I’m leaning towards the right.

 —

Fear is mocking me,

Honesty is trynna bargain with me,

Lust is taunting,

Memories are interrupting,

Why is Love testing me?

I lift my hand to pick you up when you were down,

I never cheated.

I did my homework, tried learning everything about you that I didn’t know,

When the questions were proposed, there was no research needed.

The pieces about you, are the notes that fill in many of my notebooks.

I was a student in this lesson of love.

I guess we’ve failed the final.

I’m more upset, because I thought it was just a midterm,

Until you said,

” Fuck it, I Never Actually Loved”, anyways…

and that was FINAL.

—-

Sitting at this crossroad.

I’ve been thinking about you.

That’s how I know things changed,

Because I use to always think about Us…

I’ve stopped crying now.

The sun will come out tomorrow,

My conscience has quieted down.

I’ll just listen to my thoughts

until I fade into temporary unconsciousness,

Waking up tomorrow with a smile full of pain,

but shinning bright with denial.

Leighrick

The Grand Exit

The last time I remember you; I saw your body sideways leaving out the door.

Last night still had my mind in a daze; I’m sitting up this morning in my bed remembering the days you remembered me.

When the nights went into the mornings; it was clear to me that this love was Satan’s miracle.

I loved the hell out of you, now Ive met my pinnacle.

Those lips smiled, those pearly gates parted, and out crept the blues

You missed me didn’t you?”

Feeling like the drum getting played in this solo.

Meaning you were never present for today’s, but I could always count on you for “couldn’t waits”.

Waiting for your call; do you really wonder why I am up so late? I contemplate.

Why must these trees and these lakes of liquor complicate things?

Standing in the shower wishing it’d bring the heat, and rain harder.

That the radio and the water would some how create thunder, and electrify my spirit –

Free Me.

From this being I love to be in me, but cant stand being apart of.

That’s not love. That’s not lust. Was there really never any trust?

This relationship has rusted. Quickly we are sinking.

Me deeply and you wallow in the shallow end.

But I still pretend that we’re just friends, with the benefits of exercising passion.

So as I am laying here watching you walk out;

Like damn Y? X is the reason.

Seasons change. Feelings stay the same, except this time…

I am the one leaving.

Peace,

Leighrick