Unfinished Eulogy

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart hurting.

 

I find no condolences in loneliness.

 

My bed is comforting, but there’s too much space.

 

As my pillows lend their shoulders to me, I plead my case.

 

I plead the 5th.

Well…this 5th I got in my hand.

Minus about 3 oz,

so you can add whatever left

of this 8th..

 

 

I just want something to draw a smile from me, without misery being written all over my face.

 

His name permanently engraved,

We’re hangin’ on a thread,

I guess symbolically this chain, and I tend to notice its

been lingering to left side,

where the melancholy is the strongest..

 

With these words, Ive built sentences

and with these sentences, Ive filled notebooks.

A literary chest to store these memories

being ready to be put at rest, but

within these notebooks,

I have written a thousand drafts of Eulogies,

but have never finished one.

 

Its like being 3 1/2 feet deep

negotiating with Satan,

because Ive already been to Hell and back

trying to attain some truth and knowledge behind, Real Love.

 

But

the other half of me

is being cradled by God,

In a dream, but it seems nothing less than real.

 

 

I’m not gonna lie some nights I contemplate it.

 

Life without him has been a Broadway play, without the music.

So much potential yet so much pressure, enough to make someone lose it.

And I did,

within the “it”

I lost “I”

So really…

I’m still looking for the two of us.

 

Phantoms of you appear seldom,

only because I know you’ll never be here,

but its my Guilty Pleasure.

 

 

Still —

 

I am here…

 

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart yearning, but Mind careful.

 

I am Sorry tho,

I had to get that off my chest,

My whole thing is, I am afraid.

There’s no other place my heart would be,

than on my sleeve, for all to see, cause….

there’s no doubt

 

I still love him.

 

-Leighrick

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