Are you high right now?
My longing to re-embrace you
seem to want you more when
I’m coming down.
Thought so highly of me because,
I was the one who kept your head up.
When you were at your lowest, I was
Someone and my love was something to look forward to,
Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.
Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,
but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.
Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,
That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.
A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew
because only he knows what he has in store for you.
You talk the talk,
often read his words,
still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.
You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.
One of them is not me,
See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,
and figured…it’s no longer about me.
Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be
It never really has been,
I mean..considering all you’ve been through;
I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.
….we’ve seen how that ended.
Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?
So high off the pedestal, I fell low.
A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so
I am screaming
Blowing big O’s…
Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.
I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.
Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…
Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.
And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.
Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.
Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.
Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..
I am an emotional slave to myself.
Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.
A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,
I look in the mirror and call mine,
Except when I look through these eyes,
I see an optical illusion
Its me telling myself I am fine, but
If you lived a day with my Soul,
You would understand why this song bird cries.
So I ask..
How high were your thoughts of me?
Did your head make it in the clouds?
Because my thoughts of you..
I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.
The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,
across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.
When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.
It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.
From coast to coast I’d travel,
Except as of late
I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.
With saying all this,
I still don’t think you understand…
I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but
We’re both writers?
I thought we were both riders [?]
I’ve been finding out words do have power,
I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,
That is except for you
Maybe not even you.
I am probably just writing this for me…
So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.
Even though I don’t think its good enough.
Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,
because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands
just so it can be comforted.
I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.
Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking…
Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…
You haven’t been showing up….