Writers Block

I understand the meaning behind writers block.

Personally, I’ve discovered my definition.

 I wrote many poems about you, I don’t have much more to say.

My feelings grew deeper for you, but I feel there’s just more I have to say.

I can no longer write these feelings down, not because they’ve gone away…

This writers block is sending me signs, that it’s there more to what I’m trying to relay.

I have eyes that scream affection, and

Ears that hear your love.

My hearts beating my Soul, because it’s just about ready to erupt.

Instead my mind has captured my tongue.

Still I continually try to write and write; my words get lost in thoughts.

Coincidentally my pens run out of ink, and the led ends in my pencils.

You have filled my notebook.

So I’m left with thinking…

With out the creativity to express it, and a place to write it, the only thing left is for you to hear it.

But I’m scared that feelings are to deep, and my words to weak, but I never done this before…

My writers block has temporarily become a block in front of expressing my feelings.

Because I know I Love You.

-Leighrick

Visual Letter : To Whom It May Concern

Dear Reader,

Shut your eyes to the world, but open them wide for my thoughts.
Stop allowing the background noise to interfere.
Channel my voice.
Read this poem alone.

          I’ve been echoing the same message. I’ve been screaming for someone to catch me as I am falling, and it still hasn’t happened. It’s true what they say, “you are your own worse enemy“. If you feel like your alright now….you’re not.

          I am the best at mental hide-n-go-seek, because I’ve been lost inside my mind for years now. No one has found me and I wonder sometimes if anyone is even looking. Would they know what or who to look for? — I’ve tricked myself, I set a trap and I fell for it. I fell forward into a sea of misunderstandings, and now I’m drowning.
No wonder I Love the beach

          I have convinced myself I was happy, because Love had found me. Now I feel as though it is a facade and I am witnessing it deteriorating…right-in-front-of-my-face.

          Everyone is acting as enemies, but to their convince they shape up and play for the same team. They yell, curse, presuade, manipulate, downsize, lack faith…What they don’t know is I’ve already beaten them to it. I’ve been doing this to myself all these years, no wonder the real me is hiding.

 

Don’t stop reading yet…

I need someone to vent to.

 

          Writing is all I got, even though people have the ability to read they still don’t understand my lingo. I wonder do you understand my message? When you read this do you see a motion picture taking place in your head? Can you see me stressing, running out of ways to keep my sanity?!

Picture this: Imagine me in a room, locked door, and sealed windows. Laying on an air-mattress, floating in a pool of ink. Forever laying in a bed without the ability to sleep. IM SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY. Supposedly that’s what everyone wants for me. I don’t see that shit though, their double standards are about as consistent as when the wind blows. I suppose some of a little bit is true.

          I’ll just remain being happy under everyone’s conditions; I dont know how they didnt pick up on it. All my poems are little clues. At least one person picked up on em, but he pushes me away too. Then again I am he, and he is me…so I guess in an essence it’s just me hiding from myself again. I don’t know when he’ll realize that he is my reflection, or that whenever any type of stress is present, we’re both in pain.

          I’ve learned this Love is serious, and every time an obstacle presented its self we got through it. We celebrated, after the 5min party, we retreat back into the darkness. Day light savings, we fall back, so the light doesnt remain long.

          Basically, what the fuck I am trying to say is, my mind is a Jail. I am stuck, no bail. Handcuffed to the bars of my cell, so i turned my phone off. I dont want any visitors.

 

…That’s all I guess, this piece was pretty pointless. I hope my words provided pictures. So when you see me smile, you know its not genuine. These poems are all tears from when I cry..A cry for help, to find myself inside my mind.

          Hopefully when you took this glance throughout my thought process. You got a little glimpse of the lost Candace, and you can tell me where to look next.

Leighrick

Seeing Sinking Ships

Seeing Sinking Ships

I see you rowing the boat I was once stuck in.

I was looking for an island or somewhere to rest my head,

Cause I was stressing from the questions.

I was hurt from the guilt of winds that kept blowing in my direction.

I know it hurts and even with a life vest on, it still feels as tho you’re drowning.

That relation-ship’s anchor broke loose and left a hole.

You’re sinking in your melancholy, yet you find yourself floating in the right direction.

Peep the radars, even in extreme stealth they’ll still manage to find you.

Hearts ain’t no joke, so what’s suppose to be punchlines are more like knockouts.

Some how this all defines you —

What do you do when the person you love defies you?

All this time staring love in the face, but it was made up…

They threw your heart back in your face, you were being lied to.

What should you do?

Your heart cant think, but your mind is the reason you feel the way you do.

All the broken promises and fuzzy memories.

I remember — you don’t need to keep reminding me of what we use to be!

How could this even be?

How was I not able to see?

Falling for another, yet you always seem to catch me.

I had grown complacent with it being a thought,  maybe even a reoccurring dream, but I refuse to make this pain my reality.

Leighrick

Questioned Answered by Questions

July 07, 2008

 

Dear “Friend”,

I had to write a poem dedicated to you.

In return for the way you make me feel,

 the emotion you brought upon me is indescribable.

When we talk I do more than just vibe with you.

Following talking to you each night —

I dream the same dream.

A dream of us laying on cloud 9, looking down on the beach.

And from the eruptions we cause the earth, our names appear in the sand.

As we’re floating our cloud becomes overly condensed with intellect, passion, and innocence.

Precipitation falls as letters, spelling “Insuperable“,

because that’s how our relationship can be defined.

I couldn’t think of me without you, because you are the cure.

The cure for all my needs, wants, and problems.

I have to let this pen express my emotions because in reality…

we’re just friends?

You leave me speechless.

I am traveling over a thousand miles for this journey of me & you.

When I am in my room my mattress speaks to me;

somehow I’m no longer feeling as lonely…

As we vibe,

we exult in our victory of scripting our own history, or maybe her-story; how about ourstory?

But

When we pass through those uncanny gates of

dreams, hopes, and wishes,

I roll over to the other side of my bed and wake up to my phone…

it reads one missed call.

 

Stop answering my questions with questions and maybe then, I’ll answer yours…

 

Leighrick

Jezebel

My Sleeping Beauty.

 

Black as Night

The sun ignites you in the daylight.

 

I tell you I’d be right back,

only to hide away from a distance,

to see passer-byes acknowledge your symmetry.

 

I always smile,

Always proud tho.

 

I feel like when I’m inside you,

I’m in the presence of a Queen.

 

I love hearing you sing that song,

when I turn you on…

and how you take control when I hit that sweet spot,

but always allow me time to recuperate if I lose control.

 

You are my first

I’ve studied you inside and out.

and I know sometimes you can get a little dirty, but your aroma is the sweetest

Lady you are Gorgeous.

I wasn’t sure if my First Love was ever gonna find me,

because I was searching for some days, weeks, months, damn near years.

 

But although your a lil older, 

I love it when you teach me new things,

I need to get those papers ASAP, because now that I got the key to your heart;

I know how start loving you unconditionally.

With frequent dates to take you Wining and Dining,

Forever I’ll remember You, My First.

 

So lets turn up the bass,

and glide with the vibe.

Let the windows down,

and let the haze crawl out

 

You my number 1 baby,

there is no You without I

 

Dear Jezebel.

 

-Leighrick

Chain Music

Chain so big I c’aint pop my collar,

wouldn’t dare to sell yourself short,

but you’d sell you soul for a dollar.

 

Its all good tho, cause when they see you,

you gone have a chain so big you c’aint pop yo collar.

 

However, You see diamonds and I see blood.

You see chains, and I see rope,

so if you can’t hang with the message within the words,

you might want to cut loose, while your ahead.

 

You see grills, and I see a jaw wired shut,

another American idle, idle of a voice…

 

See the weight of that chain is not only allowing you to display your foolishness,

but it is weighing you down from what you’ve been destined to be..

Royalty.

 

See,

 

They’ve stripped us of all crowns, culture, and language.

 

Our ancestors have lived with the chains around their neck, wrists, and ankles

for hundreds of years, and sat in a lifetime full of tears,

just for them rust and break free.

Striving to regain our Royalty, but you refuse to be Loyal.

 

While you see Whips and Chains,

I’m only seeing Whips and Chains,

 

While I record our Mother’s cries of help, replaying them in my mind,

memorizing every note, reminding myself that this is the fuel to the ambition in my Soul.

 

You rerecord these songs, and reiterate to the world that your ignorant.

 

Think Free.

 

They gather you in groups, and now you’ve become the groupie.

They have that chain around your neck so tight, your unable to pop your collar,

As your trying to signify your dominance, your spiritually dying.

Yet you have fallen like a Domino, according to the set-up.

 

Chain so big you cant pop your collar.

Now the shades have come off, you’ve turned to me

Looking me in the eye, as they glorify the illumination of the hatred for your brethren.

Upset at me, because I’m free from the chains.

 

You’ll never be free from behind those bars, until you stop investing in cribs.

You’ll never be rid the scars, if you keep investing in whips.

You keep bragging bout your chain being so big, you c’aint pop your collar,

but you’ll always be at their finger tips…

 

-Leighrick

Meet Me at Our Special Place

Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

And —

Maybe…

Just Maybe…

One of them is not me,

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick