Tag: Self-Love

Loves Public Enemy

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Loves Public Enemy #1

My hearts pump is out of gas, I can’t burp up any more feelings.

I feel like I’m in a room with no ceilings,  surrounded by 4 walls , so it’s hard to escape.

All I can do is lay here and wait for someone to take my place, because I fell right into the outline of a players game.

Crazy of me to think that you’ve changed, and now sitting here handcuffed to your heart.

I guess it’s right what they say, “once a good cops gone bad they’re gone forever“.

Now you’re dragging me along, through the coldest of weather.

At one point I even had a cellmate, not even knowing we were living together.

Finally I see the ladder in the room with no ceiling, and now

I’m public enemy number one.

Like Eazy E says, “Fuck the police“.

Now who’s packing?

The Gangsta of Love, bye Cupid !
Shooting arrows into hearts
I possess the passion pistol.

Got the love gun on ma hip.

I escape through the hole I dug, thinking I’ve barely scratched the surface in the cell,

also known as your mind.

Now I’m cruising down these streets with your heart in my palm.

Sending death threats and love notes

These thieves trynna steal my heart, are really building their own casket.

Rolling around, this time I’m stronger so consider this a homicide.

Because my heart will blow yours in pieces, and leave the rest for the bitches….

 

Hug Life.

-Leighrick

Welcome Depression Addicts

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Welcome…

I do not have dreams. I have a large potraits of reality, everynight, and the next morning it all comes true. I am staring into a black screen, with nothing but frustration running through my mind. It’s begun to tire out my mind, and testing my feelings. Struggling to find the diamond in the rough, except diamonds are oh so cold, and I’m warm blooded. How would the ring fit around my heart? The beats steady pumping, my emotions are getting pimped, my thoughts are getting trampled, and the tears run down my lip.

Open Lab — let them operate on the chaos, putting together the pieces of Lady Chaot!c, and some touches of nuclear spit. The life I lead is unsafe. It’s true misery needs company. Only my company has gone bankrupt to the depths of life’s rotting anatomy. If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul take, so it may be that I am a legend in Gods eyes.

With stress as the monkey on my back, unconditional love is feeding it banana’s. A volcano of sorrow has erupted. Is this such a way for a young black female to live her life? The fight for getting a decent education, but its shadow of confusion and uncontrollable exoticism is the only light. I’ll follow that with my heart instead of my mind.

That is why they call me Lady Chaotic, lyrically spiritual, but my opinions are explicit.

–Leighrick also.known.as {Chaot!c}

The Coldest War

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Everyone said life was going to be this hard

However, everyone failed to mention the scars would remain, less obvious than outer appearance.

Daily wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Scabs and keloids protrude from untold her-stories,

 

Belly swollen full of manipulation.

Brain dead,

Unconscious,

Self-conscious —

 

Afraid of self.

 

PAIN

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Her tongue remedial compared to cat like reflexes.

Her own two sense, something she cant afford.

 

She Wrote.

and so

She Spoke.

 

She becomes family with led and ink.

In-laws of different colors

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,

as is her pain,

She Wrote.

 

This lonely child found the comfort in the instruments, the silence, and the trees.

 

All she wrote repeatedly:

 

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!“…

 

Peers read, what appears?

What is perceived?

 

The agony brought a smile upon her face, because shes discovered one of her many talents

Acting.

 

Just Leave Me.

Leave Her Alone.

 

MEANING

Comfort Me.

 

This little girl is on a scavenger hunt.

She tries to abandon the labels, they hold her back.

She searches for someone to foster her creativity.

She longs for someone to adopt her perception.

Her conscience is an Orphan.

 

This lonely child is lost in all the love.

 

Mouth dry as wood.

Eyes shinning bright like dim lights.

These Pinocchio’s snout would grow

if they deny being puppets too.

 

She just wants to be a real woman.

They hear her speak, but no one

LISTENS.

Judgments are passed along,

accompanied by unconditional love.

Under the conditions of seeing thoroughly, only when they chose not to be

BLIND.

 

so confused.

 

Life is hard, for that she was prepared.

They keeping telling her to explain herself.

But no one understands her language.

She tries to translate it, but motha fuckas are impatient.

 

Feeling like a patient, she nursing her thoughts.

Remember, this poor girl is brain dead.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

 

So.

The shadow unexpectedly appeared

placed the pen to her temple.

imprinted a hand against her heart,

and pressed her mouth onto hers.

 

She inhaled comprehension and took her first gasp of LIFE.

Tasteless.

 

Nervous.

Excited.

She understands her language, she wrote back to her through thoughts, emotions, and intuition.

She spoke.

The first words for a young adult.

“I Love You”

She grew inside her,wisdom, her tears the waters that bloomed this gracious flower.

 

Everyone told her life was going to be this hard.

She thought her shit would come out softer after the bullshit they fed her,

another fallacy sugar coated.

 

She’s screaming at her

Lullabies sweet and low.

Her honesty

Bittersweet.

 

This Woman is a Solider.

The series of this Coldest War.

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Mirrored Silouhettes [pt2]

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I’m falling back but I don’t feel anyone behind me. Im trying break my fall but I’m breaking every other bone in the process.

 

My mind is trying to process these thoughts, separate the good from the bad.

 

Trying to decipher the tears from the smiles. And the confusion from the laughter.

 

Life’s taking:

the Sweetness out my Satisfaction.

the Dreams out of my Sleep.

 

Its safe to say…

I’m lost. I’m misunderstood.

I don’t know what to do

for myself, but

I continuously do for others.

 

I know what I want.

I yearn for what I need.

I am thankful for what I have…maybe I am selfish,

because…THAT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH.

 

I wish people could just read my mind.

The good and the bad thoughts.

I wish people could just see what I see.

The potential and the fuck ups.

 

I just want to find me.

I am surround with people that adore me.

Yet

I haven’t found me and accepted myself for what I see, acknowledging what I want to be,

Go to sleep.

&&

GET THE FUCK OVER IT…..

because its KILLING ME.

 

-Leighrick

Harmonized Healing

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I laid, staring into the darkness.

Cramped between the shadows

created by the emptiness between the bars,

and coarseness of the walls.

 

I pick up a shard of broken glass,

glance into it,

and ask:

 

Where am I?

 

The deeper I enter into the darkness,

I recollect:

 

“Live with the heart, and the mind will follow?”

 

Mindless Behavior.

 

We had owned the night —

 

I was Love Drunk,

and was caught drinking and driving.

 

I pulled over,

The officer saw my brain in the back seat and asked,

“Why aren’t you in switched positions?”

 

I was imprisoned.

 

My heart was my cell mate, and unfortunately

my mind came up short on bail.

 

Within time,

My heart and I got off on good behavior,

we entered a halfway house.

 

Almost there, yet so far to go…

 

I turned my back on the present,

and headed back towards the past,

because it was what I felt closest to.

 

RELAPSE

 

I am on my 3rd strike.

 

I saw the not so distant futures, and headed back, except

my heart was so stubborn it decided to stay behind.

 

Reacquainted with my mind, we set out on a search for my lowly heart.

 

Roaming the streets of memory lane,

we found it —

It laid, left for dead,

beaten and cold.

Rapidly bleeding out hope, it cried for faithfulness.

 

“Forgive Me!”

 

Left in the state of panic, my body went vacant.

 

Nevertheless —

 

My mind blanketed that heart,

and eased the cries, replacing them with trustworthiness.

 

However,

My heart began to shake,

a seizure…caused by the cascade of emotions

 

—

 

—

 

But then —

 

The gentle mind kissed the heart,

and beyond the shadow of doubt,

the Soul ascended.

 

She brought diligence to the body,

ceased the misery of the mind,

and revived the heart.

 

For the broken reflection in the mirror had been repaired.

 

—

 

The Soul smiled brighter than the guidance of the Northern Star,

the Heart blushed warmer than the Sun,

the Mind journeyed out the darkest shadows of space,

and the body became ONE…

 

and it was Harmonized.

 

I am comfortable again,

laying in my own bed, lost in my smile…

 

-Leighrick

Her Stories Lock

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Her story’s Lock

They call it His-story, but what about her.

We only get a month, even though we were the first to walk this earth.

And ever since I could read, I’ve been blinded by their lies, and deaf to my truths.

How do they expect me to understand, if our story is put in disguise?

We’re still in this race for equality, and I’m damn sure gonna get mine.

And if they’re not giving it up, I’m damn sure gone take it. Before my time is up they will respect my natives.

We may only get a couple of pages towards the end of the book, but they know we were the beginning.

The majority of my education has been raped to keep me away from the knowledge of my ancestors.

We created history, but it’s all because of her.

And maybe him too, but you can’t have a race without two runners that make it.

So every time I put this pen to this paper or these fingers to these keys.

Another story is revealed about the past of these thieves!

-Leighrick

Hurricane Emotion

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She turned her back on everything

Yet

The world is still revolving around her.

Time is non-directional, yet it always moves forward

She’s living in the past;

“the has been“s and “the had“s.

 

Her eyes embodying the oceans…

A sea of tears.

She tried to swim through Hurricane Emotion

But

Her life’s guard was off duty.

 

She drowned in the lies, because she let her guard down.

Heart broken like a levy

Only left to wallow in her own agony.

 

Everyone saw, but no one cloud help.

Many predicted the storm, but she denied the forecast.

 

That’s when the spiraling down came,

A tornado came ripping off her security blanket.

Now she sits as she arrived in this world…naked.

 

Cold.

The storm is no where near over,

The eye of the storm still precipitating mis-beliefs.

 

Unable to sleep through the pain.

She tries to maintain body heat, but in her most sacred place the lights are out.

 

Where she lies awaiting predetermined rescue..

The foundation cracks.

She’s falling threw the hole shes dug herself…Relapse.

 

She looked to the cross, but found no answers within all the red.

If FEMA couldn’t save Katrina,

What kind of hope should she have left?

 

Numb.

Living physically, but mentally paralyzed.

She looked into the eye of the storm, but she was only showered with more dishonesty.

 

She can’t detach herself from what she built.

Blood, Trust, and Love went into what she built.

Even when they threw dirt on her, she continued to build.

 

Covered in Filth,

But showered in Faith.

She’s now,

Fed up and stagnant.

Confused cause she’s living in days of darkness,

When just across the fence the grass is greener on the other side.

 

But

She keeps faith.

Faith that one day this Monster House

Will become a Master House,

When she’s no longer enslaved by her emotions.

 

The contract contradicts the blue prints.

The feelings filled up to the ceiling,

She doesn’t have insurance to cover that.

Feeling like, she just wants her parents to get that life insurance check.

 

She asks for reassurance, and that triggers a land slide.

She was sliding down the land she once  stood strong, and tall on.

Everything she’s sacrificed is now tumbling with her.

Now she’s falling to the depths of the emotional wreckage.

 

How can she ever fathom trust again.

Her hearts gone bankrupt,

Mind said fuck it,

She is about to give up, and settle for that single bedroom apartment.

 

Whose to say she’s going to survive the other storms to come.

Whose to say she won’t.

 

She could be dead because she’s stupid, or living because she fell in love with a joke.

 

-Leighrick