Tag: Love

Be OPEN.

Conscious Dreamin’

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I’d be lying if I say I didn’t want to go back.

 

As I’m lying on my back,

An abundance of thoughts are racing through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

It’s December and I’m having dreams of Santa placing me in my fathers lap.

A stork delivering me between my mothers legs.

 

Flashbacks holding my Sisters hands, they’re teaching me how to dance.

 

Walk down stairs to sneak something to eat, and see my brothers red hands.

I’d be lying if I say I didn’t want to go back.

 

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

Numerous thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

I see me sitting on the table as my grandmother feeds me.

I wont bite the hand, rather admire the gentleness of them.

Now I’m running across the grass blowing bubbles with my cousins.

There’s an elephant in the room, but won’t nobody say nothing.

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

A plethora of thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

Hey ! I’m cruising; riding a bike that won’t take me anywhere.

I remember Grandmas red beans & rice, cabbage, and spaghetti nobody would want to share.

“There’s a hole in my stockings” I said, but she always had an extra pair.

I can still hear Wild Bill calling me the prettiest girl

Opening my eyes during the long prayer

Admiring my nephew as he plays in his mothers hair

Her stomach round my niece is in there.

 

And as I’m lying on my back

An overflow of thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to go back.

When we gathered together and laughed until we shed tears.

Every household had a secret that they didn’t want to share

I keep smiling sitting at the table with no one there.

So I fill in the empty seats with memories.

Now I’m remember this place, and never meant for it to come here.

The real estate I’m on is now a couch I call my home.

 

And as I’m lying on my back

Thoughts are shadowing memories, so it’s hard to place a bet

Who would win this war the guilt or  the hard head

In a room with 4 walls and no ceilings,

No doors, windows, or ladders,

How the fuck do I get out of here?

Everything around me happened so fast, why do I feel like I’m in slow motion?

 

As I’m lying on my back

I pack this bowl and drink this potion.

Who would’ve thought I’d be the sucker for love

I never showed emotion.

But I feel my heart skip a couple beats every time I hold my Grandmothers hand.

I tend to rethink everything I could have done different.

I’m trying to cherish time, but how am I suppose to do that if I cant even get a grasp of it?

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

I never thought it would have come to this.

A point where I can’t even finish this without

adding a couple “What Ifs“, a couple “Maybes”

Thinking — is it best to be myself, or what I am expected to be?

Then I think again

Should I have even wrote this?

Many will read into a misconstrued message.

 

Fuck it tho

 

As I’m lying on my back

I find no reason to lie.

I wish I could go back just to make more memories…..

 

-Leighrick

Honesty’s Amenity

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I’m sitting in my room

Reminiscing back to you

Images pass;

My head was pressed against your chest

partly on your shoulder, curving your neck

I try to clear my thoughts of fear

and let go of the day

How this began,

You whisper my name…

 

Dim red lights between us falling

filling in precious silhouettes, beryl

Beautiful and flowing down upon us

Sparks flying towards us dancing all around us

Evaporate in air

 

But I left before I knew

My future holding you.

All you saw of me-

My heart should speak for me,

But I should understand

that pushing you away-

It craves compassion and

strong arms to hold her.

 

You and me

Orbiting

Paper wings

Fluttering

Ink gold

Sunsets bold

Star filled nights

Deep as Atlantis.

 

Still

A glow surrounding you

The love notes blew

Our wishes to the wind

Come and bring him back again

 

Gentle coral lights between us falling

forming into precious memories, beryl

Beautiful and flowing down upon us

Rays gliding towards us dancing all around us

Vanish in air

 

And I wonder how you felt

-I was fading inside

Opened my eyes

-Felt so bright this whole time I was blind

The room we hadn’t left

You closed the door

behind

-And he wished he could take me away.

 

I left before you waved.

By then it was too late.

I wished on the moon

I’d always remember-

 

You and me

Revolving

Paper wings

Sulking

Amber gold

Heart bold

Star filled nights

Sweet as Fantasia

 

Calm black lights between us falling

forming into precious silhouettes, beryl

Beautiful and raining down on us

Ashes flying towards us dancing all around us

Dissolve in air

 

I look deep inside my eyes in the mirror

and your still there staring back.

I’ve tried, tried to out grow you

Savor just a part of you

and now..

Every thing has gone black…

 

-Leighrick

Writers Block

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I understand the meaning behind writers block.

Personally, I’ve discovered my definition.

 I wrote many poems about you, I don’t have much more to say.

My feelings grew deeper for you, but I feel there’s just more I have to say.

I can no longer write these feelings down, not because they’ve gone away…

This writers block is sending me signs, that it’s there more to what I’m trying to relay.

I have eyes that scream affection, and

Ears that hear your love.

My hearts beating my Soul, because it’s just about ready to erupt.

Instead my mind has captured my tongue.

Still I continually try to write and write; my words get lost in thoughts.

Coincidentally my pens run out of ink, and the led ends in my pencils.

You have filled my notebook.

So I’m left with thinking…

With out the creativity to express it, and a place to write it, the only thing left is for you to hear it.

But I’m scared that feelings are to deep, and my words to weak, but I never done this before…

My writers block has temporarily become a block in front of expressing my feelings.

Because I know I Love You.

-Leighrick

Visual Letter : To Whom It May Concern

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Dear Reader,

Shut your eyes to the world, but open them wide for my thoughts.
Stop allowing the background noise to interfere.
Channel my voice.
Read this poem alone.

          I’ve been echoing the same message. I’ve been screaming for someone to catch me as I am falling, and it still hasn’t happened. It’s true what they say, “you are your own worse enemy“. If you feel like your alright now….you’re not.

          I am the best at mental hide-n-go-seek, because I’ve been lost inside my mind for years now. No one has found me and I wonder sometimes if anyone is even looking. Would they know what or who to look for? — I’ve tricked myself, I set a trap and I fell for it. I fell forward into a sea of misunderstandings, and now I’m drowning.
No wonder I Love the beach…

          I have convinced myself I was happy, because Love had found me. Now I feel as though it is a facade and I am witnessing it deteriorating…right-in-front-of-my-face.

          Everyone is acting as enemies, but to their convince they shape up and play for the same team. They yell, curse, presuade, manipulate, downsize, lack faith…What they don’t know is I’ve already beaten them to it. I’ve been doing this to myself all these years, no wonder the real me is hiding.

 

Don’t stop reading yet…

I need someone to vent to.

 

          Writing is all I got, even though people have the ability to read they still don’t understand my lingo. I wonder do you understand my message? When you read this do you see a motion picture taking place in your head? Can you see me stressing, running out of ways to keep my sanity?!

Picture this: Imagine me in a room, locked door, and sealed windows. Laying on an air-mattress, floating in a pool of ink. Forever laying in a bed without the ability to sleep. IM SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY. Supposedly that’s what everyone wants for me. I don’t see that shit though, their double standards are about as consistent as when the wind blows. I suppose some of a little bit is true.

          I’ll just remain being happy under everyone’s conditions; I dont know how they didnt pick up on it. All my poems are little clues. At least one person picked up on em, but he pushes me away too. Then again I am he, and he is me…so I guess in an essence it’s just me hiding from myself again. I don’t know when he’ll realize that he is my reflection, or that whenever any type of stress is present, we’re both in pain.

          I’ve learned this Love is serious, and every time an obstacle presented its self we got through it. We celebrated, after the 5min party, we retreat back into the darkness. Day light savings, we fall back, so the light doesnt remain long.

          Basically, what the fuck I am trying to say is, my mind is a Jail. I am stuck, no bail. Handcuffed to the bars of my cell, so i turned my phone off. I dont want any visitors.

 

…That’s all I guess, this piece was pretty pointless. I hope my words provided pictures. So when you see me smile, you know its not genuine. These poems are all tears from when I cry..A cry for help, to find myself inside my mind.

          Hopefully when you took this glance throughout my thought process. You got a little glimpse of the lost Candace, and you can tell me where to look next.

–Leighrick

Seeing Sinking Ships

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Seeing Sinking Ships

I see you rowing the boat I was once stuck in.

I was looking for an island or somewhere to rest my head,

Cause I was stressing from the questions.

I was hurt from the guilt of winds that kept blowing in my direction.

I know it hurts and even with a life vest on, it still feels as tho you’re drowning.

That relation-ship’s anchor broke loose and left a hole.

You’re sinking in your melancholy, yet you find yourself floating in the right direction.

Peep the radars, even in extreme stealth they’ll still manage to find you.

Hearts ain’t no joke, so what’s suppose to be punchlines are more like knockouts.

Some how this all defines you —

What do you do when the person you love defies you?

All this time staring love in the face, but it was made up…

They threw your heart back in your face, you were being lied to.

What should you do?

Your heart cant think, but your mind is the reason you feel the way you do.

All the broken promises and fuzzy memories.

I remember — you don’t need to keep reminding me of what we use to be!

How could this even be?

How was I not able to see?

Falling for another, yet you always seem to catch me.

I had grown complacent with it being a thought,  maybe even a reoccurring dream, but I refuse to make this pain my reality.

–Leighrick

Questioned Answered by Questions

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July 07, 2008

 

Dear “Friend”,

I had to write a poem dedicated to you.

In return for the way you make me feel,

 the emotion you brought upon me is indescribable.

When we talk I do more than just vibe with you.

Following talking to you each night —

I dream the same dream.

A dream of us laying on cloud 9, looking down on the beach.

And from the eruptions we cause the earth, our names appear in the sand.

As we’re floating our cloud becomes overly condensed with intellect, passion, and innocence.

Precipitation falls as letters, spelling “Insuperable“,

because that’s how our relationship can be defined.

I couldn’t think of me without you, because you are the cure.

The cure for all my needs, wants, and problems.

I have to let this pen express my emotions because in reality…

we’re just friends?

You leave me speechless.

I am traveling over a thousand miles for this journey of me & you.

When I am in my room my mattress speaks to me;

somehow I’m no longer feeling as lonely…

As we vibe,

we exult in our victory of scripting our own history, or maybe her-story; how about ourstory?

But

When we pass through those uncanny gates of

dreams, hopes, and wishes,

I roll over to the other side of my bed and wake up to my phone…

it reads one missed call.

 

Stop answering my questions with questions and maybe then, I’ll answer yours…

 

–Leighrick

Jezebel

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My Sleeping Beauty.

 

Black as Night

The sun ignites you in the daylight.

 

I tell you I’d be right back,

only to hide away from a distance,

to see passer-byes acknowledge your symmetry.

 

I always smile,

Always proud tho.

 

I feel like when I’m inside you,

I’m in the presence of a Queen.

 

I love hearing you sing that song,

when I turn you on…

and how you take control when I hit that sweet spot,

but always allow me time to recuperate if I lose control.

 

You are my first

I’ve studied you inside and out.

and I know sometimes you can get a little dirty, but your aroma is the sweetest

Lady you are Gorgeous.

I wasn’t sure if my First Love was ever gonna find me,

because I was searching for some days, weeks, months, damn near years.

 

But although your a lil older, 

I love it when you teach me new things,

I need to get those papers ASAP, because now that I got the key to your heart;

I know how start loving you unconditionally.

With frequent dates to take you Wining and Dining,

Forever I’ll remember You, My First.

 

So lets turn up the bass,

and glide with the vibe.

Let the windows down,

and let the haze crawl out

 

You my number 1 baby,

there is no You without I

 

Dear Jezebel.

 

-Leighrick