Tag: Life

deLIBERATION

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Sitting —Scratch that. Laying here thinking. Thinking…Thinking….laying here. Funny how things work out.
Some people believe everything happens for a reason;on the other hand, one action is result of another action. Don’t be fooled by “destiny” or “fate“, people make decisions. They have questions, and often seek answers. I don’t want the answers to those questions anymore.
I’ve made peace with my past, in which a new story unveils….barely setting pen to paper, pages turn themselves.
Laying in awe, in confusion, in….unsurprising disbelief.
I’ve learned not to continue writing the new material in an old book though I may be continuing stories; instead to start a new book. One in which many characters aren’t included, and there is more depth in the questions asked, more wisdom and enlightenment in answers we choose to seek., and the plot thickens.

Science Fiction or Fictionalized Faith.

My First KIss

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I released the anger and re-embraced forgiveness.
I thought I had regrets, but it was only my spite poisoning my feelings.
Lies left me feigning…
I feed off emotions and reactions, it’s hard to leave the hand that feeds you.
Dessert for thought,
But the truth was too bitter for my tasting.
Maybe because I’ve never been served on a dish so cold.
It froze my throat and numbed my tongue.
It burned my eyes and pierced my ears.
But with this food for thought, I had no tears to quench my thirst.
I had been refreshed by the satisfaction of my own growth.

To think back I thought:

I would have rather my sheets bleed ink, than to be drenched from my eyes leaking.

I would have rather a cat caught my tongue, than to stand out as obvious as the elephant in the room, and bring the truth to my own attention.

I would have rather been loved under controlled conditions than to be loved unconditionally.

See.

My heart was blind.
Walking a narrow path of broken promises and missing bricks from the foundation.
But
My mind has grown weary from trying to chase the thoughts of love constantly off that path.

So Finally,
My mind convinced my heart to focus on myself.
And the heart I thought was nonexistent started pumping warm blood again.
My white blood cells were no longer white lies, and I could smile again.

It told my stomach it was okay to eat,
because it’ll no longer have to ingest that bullshit.

My conscience came from the back to the front, and then I realized..
Well maybe that’s why my foreheads so big.
Because my conscience is always present, and it’s impossible to hide it.

In conclusion:

Love is Blind & Ignorance is Bliss.

Finally, I have experienced my first kiss…

Life begins when you realize your mistakes and not only learn from them, but apply the knowledge, maturation, courage and strength that you’ve learned and use that become a better person. Not for anyone, but for yourself because if your not happy with yourself, you can shouldn’t ever expect to be happy with someone else.

Forgive, Love, Live, and Laugh..

Yes pain maybe Intimidating and love may seem ruthless, but pain from love is only temporary, and the love for life brings infinite happiness. That happiness will feel even better than you thought it’d be, because of that pain you have endured.

Word.

–Leighrick

Killer Instinct

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Love letter from the pen

This is self imprisonment

Murder she wrote

She was given life sentences.

The sentence of her life,

She was in a search for words,

Definitely changing the definition of a…

Poets Ambition.

She said

“Fuck It“

Plead Guilty

And

Executed Her Feelings.

This is Murder She Wrote.

Her Autobiography printed along the walls of

Death Row.

Kill.the.illumination.

Darkness her twisted fantasy.

Phantoms of her Poetic Bloodline

Graced her Nightmares.

Reliving the replacement of her virginity

The first time she held the lead in her palms,

And burned pages pages and pages,

Until

all that shown in the dim light of the burning paper

Were Psalms.

‘Murder She Wrote‘

She longed to relive that moment.

Because if nostalgia granted time travel,

She wouldn’t have put the steel down.

She would allow herself to get blasted,

With all hope of becoming impregnated.

So that she could give birth to an Iron Man,

Because Sheroes are seldom.

Unable to rewrite her-story, nor his

instead she put her life into

scripting the future of another.

The child inside of her.

Whom when born,

Was put on the scale of justice

Which ego made an imbalance

and was soon pronounced

Still Born,

because nobody took the time to listen.

Murder They Wrote.

Now,

She roams the hollow halls of Death Row,

Imprisoned.

She herself is prison.

Handcuffed, Paper cut, and Influenced.

Little light shines in these 4 chambers.

Her soul has lost mates and cells.

There is only room for one,

One Mad Poet.

Loneliness left to tease her muses,

Amused by the thought of Freedom,

She executes laughter and embellished insanity.

With her silver bladed tongue,

She belittled the value of silence,

Pain to her was now a penny,

Worthless.

Murder She Spoke

She rose,

Looked in her fragmented mirror,

Into her pupils and asked,

‘Who Taught You to Hate Yourself?‘

….

Revived.

-Leighrick

Half Asleep With a Full Mind

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No Sleep makes me feel anxious.

Am I anticipating life, is this dangerous?

Certain thoughts keep replaying.

Falling asleep in 30min increments.

I now understand why sleep is the cousin of death.

Maybe that’s why I’m afraid? T

he explanation of so many nights spent wide wake?

Regret must be the kin as well.

I attempt to adopt Confidence.

Never think your too good for your past it shaped you?

[ Fuck That ! ]

Trying to ignore these sleepless nights,

every thing is fake; like that one day of the year in April.

That’s it !

My minds playing tricks on me again, and has the seasons confused.

This is winter, hibernate…?

Retracing steps back, to clean up tarnished dreams.

Instead my mind is freezing; because the blood I’m pumping is really cold,

I’d say about below 0°.

My eyes open wide shut, paralyzed…

Stuck — trying to define my own destiny.

Trying — to convince myself its not my baggage?

Its not my fault?

—

I didn’t deserve it?

Visions pretty foggy; the sun stopped shining.

I know a change is gone come,

I just don’t know if I can wait for it.

I gotta find a peace of mind;

How do I do that when I’ve lost a piece of my mind?

People talk about a race against time?

I am in a race to get mine —

Forget the paper chase, I fucked around and lost my mind.

Sometimes I feel like grabbing a piece, throwing the peace, then disappearing.

Lost in time, lost in feelings, it seems I’ve lost my touch.

I cant feel the peace within me, just pressed against me.

Shoot all thoughts of negativity that associates itself with me.

But —

I sit back and cool down.

Shaded in the background.

Summer will make its way around eventually.

No sleep makes me feel anxious…

Maybe I’m asking too much?

Maybe just a nap will do.

If only I had one wish…..

Unfortunately, Life is repetitive.

I’m no longer giving a “Fuck”, but I was generous enough to give you this poem to reflect on.

-Leighrick

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Wings Under Tailored Suits

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I broke free from my chain last night. I was afraid I was going to be sad or upset, but I was more enthralled. I guess it was a sign to let go, wholeheartedly. There was little to no pain, and quiet honestly – there’s belief I snatched it off my neck unknowingly conscious.

It’s funny, I thought this one piece of jewelry defined me. I used to feel so naked and absent without it. Now, I feel released.

Interesting how that happens. Maybe because through these last two years, that was the only thing I had left. A constant reminder of how I remembered myself then. The happiness. —

I guess…I guess I finally felt the weight it had on my heart and held over my head. No longer chained, I am in search of a new piece. No longer one that tries to define me, but inspire me.

Ha!

Maybe that’s just it. I’ve been inspired. I’ve been drinking more water; in result, I have developed an astounding sense of clarity. There is something about water, the moons strength to keep pushing the waves and breeze of the beach. The Life living inside of these bodies of water, and the life it replenishes inside myself.

My mind no longer rattles thoughts but caresses them. My heart no longer beats me, but thumps to melodies of new endeavors. I no longer feel the need to chase after the truth, because I’ve realized the truth I was chasing after were lies.

Which ultimately brought me to the light. When I look in the mirror; no longer in my eyes do I see you – I see my smile wide and bright.

Tonight this caged bird is free. I ripped off the sleeves burden with my heart. I unveil my wings and fly! I’ll even sing!

Until some one grabs hold of me by a limb,

I Am FREE.

-Leighrick

Real Life, Still Life

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Do you ever feel like your art is a person?

Every time I write a piece, I’m painting a self portrait. In the present tense or even as the third person. On the outside looking in — the pain your emerged in.

Hearing a song you never wrote like the artist is someone you grew up with. The happiness you told all your secrets to, but the sadness is holding you hostage.

I always wonder why people try to bargain with death. Its wins eventually, until there’s no one left. Selling dreams of living in clouds, Eternal luxury with no evidence; living for a better tomorrow. That promise isn’t kept.

I live like today is my last, often that’s why it seems I only care about my self.

Who am I kidding?!

I care for everyone else. My heart is a clinic, get in if you fit in, no matter the health. Sympathies nursing sorrows. Empathy injecting psychedelic morrows. Where do I go when I need love? I pull out a cool J and fill my chest like I’m getting lung transplants tomorrow.

When I’m chasing my breath, the loneliness is easier to swallow. Why does everyone want to be understood? Judgment is the mass a murderer. How could you even point your finger at my chest when you’ve never felt my soles?

Non-believers. For whom I hope on Christmas all get coal. I pack pens like heat, cause this world gets cold. Equipped qith a paper machete. Just because you scream “F– The World!” Doesn’t make you bold.

Dark minds, I meditate inhaling white lights to shine upon the spirits journey through my mind. Trying to apprehend my thoughts from the graps of confusion. There’s a hole in my mind, I guess that’s where all the memories go.

A missing piece. Trying to find a peace of mind, so if I don’t remember you, don’t be offended. That’s just called letting go…

—

I’m feeling more attached by a cord an some earphones. I’ve know you all my life and look how far we’ve grown, Apart.

This may be the start to a natural disaster. I put the yield sign up, and you chose to keep going. I put up some emotional roadblocks across, but you ignored the caution stories and crossed the lines. Now we’ve come to a complete stop. Feel our foundation shaking beneath us. Is this my fault because I didn’t stunt my growth? I didn’t stop the towing? I came to a fork in the road, it said “You Left ” & “Life Right”.

What else was I suppose to do besides keep going?

This piece can keep going. I’ve only finished the eyes. Those are the windows to peek through if you really want to know me.

But — I’ll finish this Self portrait later. I just wanted to paint the picture, so you could get the point of view as to why I’m struggling growing. And I bet by the time I finish this masterpiece, you still won’t be able to recognize the Real Me.

–Leighrick

The Empress Wears No Clothes

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You’ve settled for this reality, slaving for the fallacies of the beings. In this world I cant relate. The state I’m in isn’t slumber. My spit is like the roar from the queen of the jungle.

Sure, I use to feel a bit of pressure. That was before I cleaned out all my dressers, and took the posters off the wall. Went through a couple growth spurts. I began feeling like a giant, but I’m only six inches past 5 feet tall.

No tall tales – I keep it real with my people. What if Johnny grew peaches instead of apples? That story would have changed us all. See the complexity of a Human is the downfall.

Could it ever be simple? I mean I see it through my eyes, but I keep it sacred in my temples. That’s why my head aches like hearts after heavy meals.

Peacefully I ease the pain with the bass from the instrumentals. I orchestrate this pen like a flute to my lips, gently kissing the paper. Love notes mix with music notes, making babies which are my quotes.

Little me’s you read

Then notice they have my insight and real authentic steez. I watch them grow into stanzas. Rebels with cause. Spreading my words as gifts as if I’m Saint Nicolas.

Only if, only if…

I always wished I had a twin. If I did, in an instant my art work would form physical ability. Now not only would you hear me and see me. Now you can feel what I’m saying and be smitten. My words might touch you with the befitting name ‘Wordsmith’.

Have you gotten a better inner-standing of what separate worlds we live in? You over see the understanding of dethroning. A term mentioned in history, but never stopped to explain instead managed to keep going.

Responsible for building your home, yet we barely have places to live. Anything to keep us in cages is the reimbursement for our Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

Currently enslaved by the ole mighty dollar, who nowadays I’m not surprised isn’t worth my 2 cents.

Kings and Queens who roam streets and rule blocks. Jay-Z was chasing his dreams rapping about running his city. I wonder tho; what did he have to do? What’s left to be done? I refuse to believe it was that easy.

Respect to Ms. Lauryn Hill – They might have won over some souls, but they lost one and a good amount of other special ones.

I’ve been chasing down my dreams since I could think. Trying to keep and steady the pace since I’ve almost caught up with them. I went on a couple paper chases; which only lead me to non-prophets.

Which left me on my knees. Letting God know my promises not to fall for it again. Forgiving isn’t a sin, but I treat it like one. However, I’m quick to forget, [voluntary amnesia].

Reoccurring thoughts. If I make it big I feel like all my secrets would be on Wikipedia. Written by the dudes I told “I’m leaving ya”. Friendships I jumped ship and told, “this boat isn’t gonna fit your ego and my well being bruh”. Some family that secretly never believed in ya.

The life of living in a deteriorating tree. Strong roots, couple weak branches, some fallen leaves, and plenty promising seeds.

Saying I’m closed minded, when really Im always open to be free, like the beach. My favorite place to be. Where the water never ends, and the waves always listen. The sand remembers the power in your stance, the moon’s glow is always singing, and the sun forever smiles.

I can be me. You remind me of so many. My words are my bond like James and his heat.

This is it.

I think that quote was the puzzle that just made this piece complete.

-Leighrick