Immaculate

People can’t smell their own shit, like they have something up their noses.
They don’t even bother to flush the toilet.
That stench could make this whole place a hazard zone.

Danger! Danger!
Read all about it.
There’s knives in backs, children slain, and money missing out of wallets.

These mask are impeccable,
Who are the cosmetologist?
Quite plastic you are, because you don’t feel a thing.
Your smile is misery’s company.

Am I your pain medicine?
When you’re in pain, you use me, and abuse me.
Leaving me clueless & empty.
Vacant like the lots that surround our inner cities.

In the shadows of the Hollywood lights –
Do the people who don’t have property own the streets?
Is this War?

I have the wounds of a warrior,
Inexperienced thoughts of being ready for the battle,
I fought back.
Revealing contusions deeper than war trenches
Gladly spirits cannot be paralyzed.

Surely they can be idle.

Fairytale endings don’t exist in this nightmare.
I told you I’d never leave you, and you abandoned me.

I guess along with misery, vanity is your companion, because
They are the only things that seem to last.
In this material world,
where wearing aura isn’t fashionable, but
Madonna’s doing something right.

Danger! Danger!
Read all about it
There’s parent-less children, starving countries, corruption in knowledge, and abuse of power!

Why should we pay to go to college?
I am the future – learn to invest in tomorrow.
Keep trying to drink from the fountain of youth,
When did it become so hard to swallow?
You’ve been marinating for some years,
Give thanks for the time borrowed.

Like napkins you can’t give it back, at least not the way you received it.
All these preconceived beliefs of what it means to be immaculate.

Days have elapsed.
Ive been pregnant with this piece.

I don’t know about you, but I came out the womb screaming!
Hanging by a thread, they cut, without my permission.
I was covered in blood, they could’ve gave me a few more minutes,
Before cutting off my oxygen, my food supply, and my mother & I’s connection.

So you see, you cant get clean, if you haven’t been dirty.
And just because your standing now, doesn’t mean that you are sturdy.
Unless you’re a palm tree?
Deceivingly slim surprisingly strong.

I use to think the dews on grass were tears from the trees, because they were lonely.

Danger! Danger!
Read all about it.
Don’t follow the shadows they can’t see where they’re headed.
The blind leading the blind is a misconception.

My pen is my weapon,
That only spreads love.
[t]HUG LIFE!
Every stranger could use one.

-Leighrick

Phenomenal Woman

For all that you have given me,

I can return but love.

On the days when the sun isn’t shining so bright,

Your smile brightens my world, and glistening in your smile is your heart of gold.

Your eyes caress my uneasiness, letting me know everything will be okay.

How can you know how much you mean to me?

After a number of heartaches, there unconditional love lays.

Blessed I am, for the woman you are, and the one I will become.

Since birth it’s been you & I.

I know I have a lot of siblings,

You share a separate yet special bond with each us.

But lately, I’ve been caught up in this growth between myself and my pride.

I know I haven’t been an easy child, however

I’m just trying to express to you my apologies.

 

I look into your eyes and see the wounds on your soul, your hurt.

I admire what you’ve provided me with.

I am grateful.

 

Anyone can see it in our lives,

The joy each one of us derives,

in just knowing that the other one is there –

To care and understand,

To lend an ear or hold a hand,

And celebrate in the memories and love we share.

 

Mommy,

You’ve passed onto me your elegant attributes.

Beauty,

&

Intelligence.

Your hugs are laced with tender, loving, care.

Your kisses calm down my heart, and give me reassurance that you’ll always be there.

Phenomenal Woman.

Your skin glows, radiant with triumph.

Legendary.

My inspiration to become everything, you know I can be.

You helped to build my mind.

And I want you to know –

The thought of you by me

Makes me smile and give thanks to God for having you in my life.

 

We will be close

Forever, not just for a while.

I appreciate my mother.

 

Gentle yet Strong.

You’ve been patient when I’m foolish;

You give me guidance even when I don’t ask.

Its evident you can do most anything;

A master of every task.

You’ve been my cushion when I fall.

Help in times of trouble.

I love you more than you know,

You have my entirety of respect.

And if God gave me my choice of mothers,

There would be no question,

You’d be the one I would select.

So

Although time is non-directional, it always moves forward.

We have memories to look back on, and I am able to bask in your love.

It’s said,

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness”

Well it doesn’t just take mother’s day to let you to understand,

That not only are you My Mother, but

A Phenomenal Woman.

 

Love Always,

Leighrick

Welcome Depression Addicts

Welcome…

I do not have dreams. I have a large potraits of reality, everynight, and the next morning it all comes true. I am staring into a black screen, with nothing but frustration running through my mind. It’s begun to tire out my mind, and testing my feelings. Struggling to find the diamond in the rough, except diamonds are oh so cold, and I’m warm blooded. How would the ring fit around my heart? The beats steady pumping, my emotions are getting pimped, my thoughts are getting trampled, and the tears run down my lip.

Open Lab — let them operate on the chaos, putting together the pieces of Lady Chaot!c, and some touches of nuclear spit. The life I lead is unsafe. It’s true misery needs company. Only my company has gone bankrupt to the depths of life’s rotting anatomy. If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul take, so it may be that I am a legend in Gods eyes.

With stress as the monkey on my back, unconditional love is feeding it banana’s. A volcano of sorrow has erupted. Is this such a way for a young black female to live her life? The fight for getting a decent education, but its shadow of confusion and uncontrollable exoticism is the only light. I’ll follow that with my heart instead of my mind.

That is why they call me Lady Chaotic, lyrically spiritual, but my opinions are explicit.

Leighrick also.known.as {Chaot!c}

The Coldest War

Everyone said life was going to be this hard

However, everyone failed to mention the scars would remain, less obvious than outer appearance.

Daily wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Scabs and keloids protrude from untold her-stories,

 

Belly swollen full of manipulation.

Brain dead,

Unconscious,

Self-conscious —

 

Afraid of self.

 

PAIN

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Her tongue remedial compared to cat like reflexes.

Her own two sense, something she cant afford.

 

She Wrote.

and so

She Spoke.

 

She becomes family with led and ink.

In-laws of different colors

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,

as is her pain,

She Wrote.

 

This lonely child found the comfort in the instruments, the silence, and the trees.

 

All she wrote repeatedly:

 

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!“…

 

Peers read, what appears?

What is perceived?

 

The agony brought a smile upon her face, because shes discovered one of her many talents

Acting.

 

Just Leave Me.

Leave Her Alone.

 

MEANING

Comfort Me.

 

This little girl is on a scavenger hunt.

She tries to abandon the labels, they hold her back.

She searches for someone to foster her creativity.

She longs for someone to adopt her perception.

Her conscience is an Orphan.

 

This lonely child is lost in all the love.

 

Mouth dry as wood.

Eyes shinning bright like dim lights.

These Pinocchio’s snout would grow

if they deny being puppets too.

 

She just wants to be a real woman.

They hear her speak, but no one

LISTENS.

Judgments are passed along,

accompanied by unconditional love.

Under the conditions of seeing thoroughly, only when they chose not to be

BLIND.

 

so confused.

 

Life is hard, for that she was prepared.

They keeping telling her to explain herself.

But no one understands her language.

She tries to translate it, but motha fuckas are impatient.

 

Feeling like a patient, she nursing her thoughts.

Remember, this poor girl is brain dead.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

 

So.

The shadow unexpectedly appeared

placed the pen to her temple.

imprinted a hand against her heart,

and pressed her mouth onto hers.

 

She inhaled comprehension and took her first gasp of LIFE.

Tasteless.

 

Nervous.

Excited.

She understands her language, she wrote back to her through thoughts, emotions, and intuition.

She spoke.

The first words for a young adult.

“I Love You”

She grew inside her,wisdom, her tears the waters that bloomed this gracious flower.

 

Everyone told her life was going to be this hard.

She thought her shit would come out softer after the bullshit they fed her,

another fallacy sugar coated.

 

She’s screaming at her

Lullabies sweet and low.

Her honesty

Bittersweet.

 

This Woman is a Solider.

The series of this Coldest War.

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Mirrored Silouhettes [pt2]

I’m falling back but I don’t feel anyone behind me. Im trying break my fall but I’m breaking every other bone in the process.

 

My mind is trying to process these thoughts, separate the good from the bad.

 

Trying to decipher the tears from the smiles. And the confusion from the laughter.

 

Life’s taking:

the Sweetness out my Satisfaction.

the Dreams out of my Sleep.

 

Its safe to say…

I’m lost. I’m misunderstood.

I don’t know what to do

for myself, but

I continuously do for others.

 

I know what I want.

I yearn for what I need.

I am thankful for what I have…maybe I am selfish,

because…THAT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH.

 

I wish people could just read my mind.

The good and the bad thoughts.

I wish people could just see what I see.

The potential and the fuck ups.

 

I just want to find me.

I am surround with people that adore me.

Yet

I haven’t found me and accepted myself for what I see, acknowledging what I want to be,

Go to sleep.

&&

GET THE FUCK OVER IT…..

because its KILLING ME.

 

-Leighrick

Personal Statement

c/o 2010

I sit at my computer. I allow my conscience to marinate some of my best qualities and passions into my fingers — I begin typing. I enable my mind to go through this vigorous hard-laboring pain of molding my love for basketball into words. It is a love compiled of harsh metaphors and unimaginable personifications. Basketball is my poetry; my words wrap the ball like Spalding. Anything I am able to write on is my canvas, and any court, concrete, wooden or rubber I am able to play on. Half a piece of paper cannot stop me from expressing myself, and half of a court will not stop me from playing to my maximum potential. An empty pen and a flat ball will not dictate my future.

One night I dreamed so close to reality, I almost did not wake up. The announcer was calling out my teammates. Maya Angelou was the point guard, because she threw the most creative behind-the-back passes that ignorance could never capture– a true definition of The Heart of a Woman. At shooting guard appeared Alice Walker because her explanation of living as a black woman in America is perfect. She continues to put up shots. Hatred’s hand tries to contest the shot, only to fail and become the reason her eye has turned The Color Purple. As I gazed toward our locker room door I had to blink twice, because through those doors shone The Beloved power forward, Toni Morrison. She was ready to box-out all who would try to annihilate our chance to score, and to restore our rights as a culture. Right after her came Gwendolyn Brooks, the center, helping rebound our “Black Love” when the direction of the love and respect is unpredictable. She is the backbone and the strength of our team’s pride. I stand integrity as the small forward the smallest punctuation being the biggest part of the sentence. I call a huddle at half-court, and we all place our hands in the middle. Five minds, five hearts, five different personalities defined as one team. We all cross-over to a new chapter in the same book of life. The scoreboard buzzes, and I go to grab a last drink before the game resumes; only the last time I blinked, I opened my eyes only to find I was staring blissfully at my ceiling.

Every poet/author in my dream has taught me to be culturally and self aware. In basketball they say “practice makes perfect”, and in writing perfect practice makes an incredible writer.  So in every practice I allow my writing utensil to dribble my emotions across each page with sentences like quick passes, and every stanza is another quarter I’ve given my all. Each time I step onto the court all troubles seem to cease. The ball is a symbol of life. I know that the ball gets passed around to people and sometimes even plagiarized and mistreated. I understand the players in my life may come and go, some people may pass a way, but the lessons they have taught me are still invaluable.

 

-The Graduate
-Leighrick

Harmonized Healing

I laid, staring into the darkness.

Cramped between the shadows

created by the emptiness between the bars,

and coarseness of the walls.

 

I pick up a shard of broken glass,

glance into it,

and ask:

 

Where am I?

 

The deeper I enter into the darkness,

I recollect:

 

Live with the heart, and the mind will follow?

 

Mindless Behavior.

 

We had owned the night —

 

I was Love Drunk,

and was caught drinking and driving.

 

I pulled over,

The officer saw my brain in the back seat and asked,

Why aren’t you in switched positions?

 

I was imprisoned.

 

My heart was my cell mate, and unfortunately

my mind came up short on bail.

 

Within time,

My heart and I got off on good behavior,

we entered a halfway house.

 

Almost there, yet so far to go…

 

I turned my back on the present,

and headed back towards the past,

because it was what I felt closest to.

 

RELAPSE

 

I am on my 3rd strike.

 

I saw the not so distant futures, and headed back, except

my heart was so stubborn it decided to stay behind.

 

Reacquainted with my mind, we set out on a search for my lowly heart.

 

Roaming the streets of memory lane,

we found it —

It laid, left for dead,

beaten and cold.

Rapidly bleeding out hope, it cried for faithfulness.

 

Forgive Me!

 

Left in the state of panic, my body went vacant.

 

Nevertheless

 

My mind blanketed that heart,

and eased the cries, replacing them with trustworthiness.

 

However,

My heart began to shake,

a seizure…caused by the cascade of emotions

 

 

 

But then —

 

The gentle mind kissed the heart,

and beyond the shadow of doubt,

the Soul ascended.

 

She brought diligence to the body,

ceased the misery of the mind,

and revived the heart.

 

For the broken reflection in the mirror had been repaired.

 

 

The Soul smiled brighter than the guidance of the Northern Star,

the Heart blushed warmer than the Sun,

the Mind journeyed out the darkest shadows of space,

and the body became ONE

 

and it was Harmonized.

 

I am comfortable again,

laying in my own bed, lost in my smile…

 

-Leighrick