Tag: Relationships

Questioned Answered by Questions

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July 07, 2008

 

Dear “Friend”,

I had to write a poem dedicated to you.

In return for the way you make me feel,

 the emotion you brought upon me is indescribable.

When we talk I do more than just vibe with you.

Following talking to you each night —

I dream the same dream.

A dream of us laying on cloud 9, looking down on the beach.

And from the eruptions we cause the earth, our names appear in the sand.

As we’re floating our cloud becomes overly condensed with intellect, passion, and innocence.

Precipitation falls as letters, spelling “Insuperable“,

because that’s how our relationship can be defined.

I couldn’t think of me without you, because you are the cure.

The cure for all my needs, wants, and problems.

I have to let this pen express my emotions because in reality…

we’re just friends?

You leave me speechless.

I am traveling over a thousand miles for this journey of me & you.

When I am in my room my mattress speaks to me;

somehow I’m no longer feeling as lonely…

As we vibe,

we exult in our victory of scripting our own history, or maybe her-story; how about ourstory?

But

When we pass through those uncanny gates of

dreams, hopes, and wishes,

I roll over to the other side of my bed and wake up to my phone…

it reads one missed call.

 

Stop answering my questions with questions and maybe then, I’ll answer yours…

 

–Leighrick

Meet Me at Our Special Place

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Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

And —

Maybe…

Just Maybe…

One of them is not me,

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

—

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

“Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me…

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking…

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick

My Crossroad

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n the Salvation Army.

I have come to my crossroad

—

I’m standing here alone.

It’s like I know what’s right,

But I still keep going left.

If I reach my hand out,

would you reach back..

and embrace me?

I know I gave you the cold shoulder,

But the hand that I’m extending,

Has my heart on its sleeve.

—

Tonight’s the first time I’ve cried in a couple months,

Lately I ain’t been having time to grieve.

It usually doesn’t rain in Southern California.

But, That was just self greed,

My pride is too rich and My heart is broke.

Middle class mind,

Living diagonal

I walk a thin line

Between Ups n Downs

—

Doesn’t help the DJ keeps playing my love song, in the background.

Elevator music.

—

I get lifted,

Too high to see my lows.

But,

When I come down,

I hit rock bottom,

Too low to see the skies.

I’m diggin’ my hole deeper

Consumed by the darkness.

 —

Look what we’ve done.

I would blame you, it takes two.

—

I stand before my crossroads.

It’s not much surrounding.

Suddenly this sand turned to sea,

And now I’m staring into the horizon

drowning in the ocean.

Still,

My most sacred place

is the beach.

—

I’m leaning towards the right.

 —

Fear is mocking me,

Honesty is trynna bargain with me,

Lust is taunting,

Memories are interrupting,

Why is Love testing me?

I lift my hand to pick you up when you were down,

I never cheated.

I did my homework, tried learning everything about you that I didn’t know,

When the questions were proposed, there was no research needed.

The pieces about you, are the notes that fill in many of my notebooks.

—

I was a student in this lesson of love.

I guess we’ve failed the final.

I’m more upset, because I thought it was just a midterm,

Until you said,

” Fuck it, I Never Actually Loved”, anyways…

and that was FINAL.

—-

Sitting at this crossroad.

I’ve been thinking about you.

That’s how I know things changed,

Because I use to always think about Us…

I’ve stopped crying now.

The sun will come out tomorrow,

My conscience has quieted down.

I’ll just listen to my thoughts

until I fade into temporary unconsciousness,

Waking up tomorrow with a smile full of pain,

but shinning bright with denial.

–Leighrick

Castles Made of Sand

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I hear my train comin’ as the hands on the clock get close to holding each other. 12 marks the spot. Midnight to be exact. When the darkness reveals its self in the beauty of the stars, and still hides in the light. There are too many stars to count; I wonder is it possible to run out of wishes? Well — I empty my pockets out into the pond. The change I’d pay the price to see. Within the ripples, [stop the music]….I’m not quite finished dreaming.

Listening to the winds singing, imagine we were dancing with stars. We can be the first to create life on Mars, and instead of counting sheep to fall asleep we sit and watch the cow measuring the circumference of the Moon.

Tonight it’s blue with a purple-ish tint,
I figured it’s been walked on, one too many times…

We are one of a kind, a love many couple wish they could explain — even better comprehend. So we pretend that our love doesn’t really exist. Like this is all just some fairy tale, because even those endings aren’t always happy. Secretly we’re happy. Publicly we’re ignorant and bliss is our shadows. And even from 2,000 miles I can hear my train coming. Midnight is leaving.

Questioning my sadness, why is love so deceiving? All board the train, I step foot on; then transforms into paper planes, and floats me back down onto my window seal.

Still.
I sit still.

I left for you, and you never came to get me. You’re guilty of stealing smiles. My innocence is steel, you can never penetrate the real me….I guess I am the one that’s guilty. That seems to be all I ever hear, judgements.

You never came to get me.

I heard my train coming, and I tried to wait patiently for you…you were never really here? I pushed you so far I thought you’d bounce back, instead you stayed in the clear. Far away from what I needed, but close to everything I wanted.

Power trips on bleeding hearts and exposes vulnerability. Now I am up all night counting how many sheep can idealistically equal a cow.

Memories take vacations, and some never bother to reappear. They become residents in complacency, neighboring fear. I AM NOT SCARED ANY MORE – only scarred.

How long does it take bruises to heal on broken hearts? ….

I guess this piece is just a start. We can still be a collage instead of a picture; there’s no such thing as perfect art! We haven’t practiced much anyways, but we can start. Take the best of you and best of me, embrace what we’ve become, actors call this role play.

THIS REAL, I feel it — at least I felt it. I mean I thought I had before.

The Pain — You keep digging holes trying to tunnel into my heart, but you’ve barely scratched the surface. You’ve been here before.

I choose to ignore the thoughts of you that rise like smoke when the train approaches.

Love. This is the shit that every one longs for?
That they wait so long for?
That they bend their backs and run laps trying to chase it, go through hurdles, and take long jumps for…. sacrifice.

That must be nice.

Being able to love the one you longed for….

I hear my train a coming. I see deep feelings rocking relationships. I smell the exhaust from the complaints.

Crash landing.

The one in a million we all mourn for.

No Love Lost,
-Leighrick

Unfinished Eulogy

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Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart hurting.

I find no condolences in loneliness.

My bed is comforting, but there’s too much space.

As my pillows lend their shoulders to me, I plead my case.

I plead the 5th.

Well…this 5th I got in my hand.

Minus about 3 oz,

so you can add whatever left

of this 8th..

I just want something to draw a smile from me, without misery being written all over my face.

His name permanently engraved,

We’re hangin’ on a thread,

I guess symbolically this chain, and I tend to notice its

been lingering to left side,

where the melancholy is the strongest..

With these words, Ive built sentences

and with these sentences, Ive filled notebooks.

A literary chest to store these memories

being ready to be put at rest, but

within these notebooks,

I have written a thousand drafts of Eulogies,

but have never finished one.

Its like being 3 1/2 feet deep

negotiating with Satan,

because Ive already been to Hell and back

trying to attain some truth and knowledge behind, Real Love.

But

the other half of me

is being cradled by God,

In a dream, but it seems nothing less than real.

I’m not gonna lie some nights I contemplate it.

Life without him has been a Broadway play, without the music.

So much potential yet so much pressure, enough to make someone lose it.

And I did,

within the “it”

I lost “I”

So really…

I’m still looking for the two of us.

Phantoms of you appear seldom,

only because I know you’ll never be here,

but its my Guilty Pleasure.

Still —

I am here…

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart yearning, but Mind careful.

I am Sorry tho,

I had to get that off my chest,

My whole thing is, I am afraid.

There’s no other place my heart would be,

than on my sleeve, for all to see, cause….

there’s no doubt

I still love him.

-Leighrick

Opposites Attract : You Can’t Choose Love

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She see’s the mask your hiding behind.

Your life is like a charades game.

You’re living with the finer things,

But she see’s your dying inside.

Leaving a piece of yourself with all these misses,

But what your missing is the mate; in which your soul’s been trying to find.

How can you find love,

If your not searching for the love you have for self?

Who hurt you, to make you hurt her?

Suddenly all those “last times” turn into an eternity

And now, when she hears “I’m sorry“, it’s meaningless.

Why?

Why do you do the opposite of what you feel?

Even still she suffers from love, because she just wants you feel.

Feel something!

She stuck in his story,

because he hasn’t dealt with what’s happened in the past.

She stays.

At a distance, but in a way

At an arms reach.

He sees, yes he sees too.

Past the facade she displays,

She’s weary, but her journey continues.

Not sure whether she should stay stationed in this storm until the sunshine,

or move on past the grey skies, because she aware of other shelter.

But why?

Why did she leave?

Why didn’t she stay?

Comprised beliefs.

False visions of the future.

Repressed disbelief.

But.

She stays.

He comes and goes as he pleases.

She stays.

Occasionally he sees himself in the mirror.

So…she stays.

Because she sees what he refuses.

He believes what she denies.

And still–

Love chooses to stay.

Love knows what they both don’t.

Love knows if and when to fade.

So,

When Love makes its decision.

They’ll both know the feeling of pain.

Either in dismiss or rejoice.

This rain,

This rain,

Hasn’t only rained on one persons house.

Still,

This journey of the Geminis continues,

so this too shall pass. . . . .

 –Leigrick

The Proposal

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I feel like I’ve been falling, but

I am down on bended knee.

 

With one hand out for you presenting a heart, and

the other handing you a key.

 

In my eyes you can see the pain,

behind yours I see purity.

 

Funny we’ve seemed to trade places, but

you’re one of the few I trust with my real identity.

 

Like the city I reside, I see your beauty through your faults.

Full of entertainment,

I’ve have become content with this smile you’ve left on my face.

 

Vibrant emotions.

 

I’ve been hurt, and

right now I am just kind of going through the motions,

Slow...

 

Keeping my heart beats above average, except

Skipping beats.

I find myself skipping to songs in the middle of the street.

Dancing with your voice, music to my ears.

 

Again,

I’m down, on one knee

offering you a fistful of tears.

 

And I figured you hate to see me cry, but

that is how you’ll know its real.

 

This key is not cliche,

not to my heart or the heartbreak hotel

 

However,

Its a key to my city,

lose all contact with me and find me if its real.

 

On the other hand

this heart I am offering, I’ve sculpted piece by piece.

Each scar a story, and

It may be a bit cold, but its still healing, and

It may be a bold, but I built it to be brave

which made it tough..

 

So,

If you take these items from my hands,

I place mine together asking you for your trust,

in exchange for my love.

 

–Leighrick