Tag: Consciousness

When the Hands Touch

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I lifted my hand to raise the bar,

You lifted your hand with anger to discharge.

 

Flirting with poetic justice behind these thin bars.

It kills me to see this love dying.

 

 it’s even worse knowing I’m a part.

 

We started a garden, and you’ve mistreated our seeds.

It takes a city to raise a tree,

and a village to nurture their growth successfully.

 

To look at you is gruesome.

 

How did we split ways like X, come together, then arrive at an end like Z.

 

Furthermore,

Who am I to say?…the least

Who am I if I stay?

 

 I spread my wings as that of a seagull;

Heading towards the Bay because I see goals I’m striving to obtain.

 

 That I put behind your pride,

The same position you left the knife in my back.

Ashamed.

 

I rose to realize your lies and I were laying one in the same.

Instead I laid with my loves, our hearts one in the same.

 

You appear once again, at the crossroads of Insane and Who to blame.

Blame it on the Alcohol, the Girls, the Weed, just not Me.

 

You can point two fingers, but those other six aren’t pointed towards Me.

 

We were the arrows, when you felt lost

We pointed back, leaving you an open seat.

You chose paths before day broke.

 

is it the money?

 

Funny,

I wouldn’t pay a penny out of my 2-sense for a dollar worth of your thoughts.

Looking for a quarter figure in a dime worth no more then a nickel.

 

Money makes the world go round,

You’re circling betrayal chasing behind confusion.

This disillusion is far more real than what you can fathom, and still have yet to feel.

 

When the pain kicks in,

I hope the waters overflow the sky;

Allowing me to taste your tears in the raindrops during my parade.

 

I know your up there hiding somewhere…

 

Gone.

 

–Leighrick

Open Door Policy

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You left the door open.

I’m not sure if you know;

I’m peeping through windows,

Seeing if your alone.

I’m one foot in and one foot out

The closer you approach,

My heart starts beating faster.

Do I have time to run away?

Should I stay and tough it out?

I can’t forget what it’s like to be in the same room as you…

We don’t have to speak,

Because we make conversation through our eyes.

Let me know, who knows how to Love you like I do?

Who’s one touch can change your mood?

What kind of bullshit have you gotten use to?

If this was 21 questions, would you be truthful?

No matter if it hurt my feelings,

If I step foot in the house…

Should I be prepared to lose you?

A house is not a home,

When I left,

Where you did you find shelter?

Is it in some other womans lap – I mean shack.

I sneak down to the basement;

It’s flooding.

I can see the emotional wreckage.

The foundation’s penetrated deep with inquisitions and incisions.

Concrete cannot be plastered over

This needs to be rebuilt.

The living room is empty,

is there some irony in that?

Long halls decorated with picture perfect memories.

It’s dark back here.

Spider webs and memories collecting dust.

Do you ever roam these feelings, just to reminisce?

I guess you just stay in the front…

I see a names and numbers, but

I wont bothering hurting myself and look.

Composition books spread across the floor,

Balled up papers adorn the table.

In the refrigerator, no more selfish left to make meals?

Cups half empty, very few half full.

Dishes and dirty laundry piled up like secrets.

I saw your notebook,

Willingly with restraint to look in it.

Wondering what lays next to it.

What I mistook for empty syringes, were just empty pens,

With my picture underneath.

It’s time to leave,

Rekindling feelings of vulnerable.

In this crib,

Where once my baby and I slept.

And overslept,

And sexed,

And cried,

And laughed,

And ate,

And wrestled,

And argued,

And I packed,

And it. . . .rained.

Crying silently, I creep out.

Trying my best not to leave traces

Showing that I revisited this house…

Just as my body is half way out the door,

My hand is snatched

…and it’s yours.

You ask me to stay a while,

I can’t even look you in your face.

Instead I look down, because my eyes give me away.

Identical with my heart, my voice cracks.

You found me, but I am at a loss for words.

Uncertainty about  how I should feel.

Should I smile or should I slap you?

We both felt the pain, that our mistakes could never amount to.

But forgiveness is a drug,

I can’t help to self prescribe.

Nevertheless I leave..

My hand slipping out of yours slowly,

I try to look back but I refuse,

Is this Deja Vu?

Everything’s moving so fast,

In an instance I’m nowhere near you, but with time —

With time I’m your next door neighbor.

I’m sitting in my living room, half past dead

Watching other people live their realities in shallow misery, just to have intuition left to comfort me

And you call me..

We talk

And then you talk for hours.

I got the flowers you’d leave on my doorstep.

You offer me dinner,

I’m not sure if my heart can afford yet..

A sacrifice, I am not sure I’m willing to take

Instead – I say, “maybe“.

Eventually,

I ask you over my place for lunch.

You agree…

This isn’t a happy ending,

I am hardly satisfied.

I would like to know,

Who loves you like I do?

Or should’ve

Or would’ve

Or could’ve

Or doesn’t?

Honestly…Did I even know how to?

–Leighrick

The Last Time

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Last time I saw you, I saw me.  Lately I’ve been looking in the mirror, and this caged bird is now free. Freedom slips my mind; sometimes I sing a little off key. Overcoming stage fright–hit the lights please. I want them to see my message by reason darkness.

What they thinking are nightmares, just a city girls dreams. This empathy has this piece I’m writing mirroring me. A victim of split personality. Trying to divide the thoughts and subtract the feelings.

Bring upon Confusion…

When I see you again, finally I feel empty like the glass you left me with, that I threw against the wall. Except when it hit the ground it didn’t break, but out spilled every memory.

Can you feel what I feel, when I feel what I’m feeling? You shouldn’t because I’m numb. Selfishly selfless; although I never cared for any other than myself. What should i have done? I was helpless!

The next time I saw you, I saw me swimming in my tears, a shellfish. Beyond this course exterior, I am a jewel waiting to be made a necklace.

Then I remembered that I forgot. Recuperating flesh wounds with internal bleeding; often I find myself hiding in my feelings. I forgot that I remember.

So the next time I saw him– posture immaculate, a smile moonlit in a dim mind, eyes seductive, with his arms wide. He thrust his hands upon my hips, and squeezed me until his spirit made my soul cry.

Now I can’t even fathom what you look like.

-Leighrick

Misty Eyes

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Lust will set a trap

Don’t fall for it

or else you’ll fall

in the dusts of love

trying to catch it.

While the memories slowly

collect dust.

You cleanse your body

of the mud that the tears created.

You washed the clothes you wore that day

so much they faded.

They see you and

act like they don’t know you.

As if you didn’t share a past

when you’re in each others presence.

I guess that love scheme was just a blessing,

in disguise of genius.

Who knew

not to mix emotions in with their lovemaking.

I would ask about values,

But how much Self-worth

is Self-pity?

You dotted your i’s and crossed your t’s,

still the P’s and Q’s leave you questioning.

Ain’t that peculiar?

You use to be gay with eyes filled with glee,

Singing the songs of others

that once experienced the same love.

Unfortunately,

The rainbow that came into sight

when it rained

on your parade

is now

a new shade of grey.

–Leighrick

Unreasonable

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When I fell, you looked down and turned your back.

I warned you  you’d never stop falling, now look whos hand is reaching back.

In this game the ball has curved, and you have struck out.

I ran home. You went outfield.

I mean way out there and left.

I’m sure of that, because I was right there.

The right answers with no wrong intentions.

How could you forget to mention you weren’t ready for my love?

Unsurprisingly, you stayed ready for lust.

You thrust me your heart as bait, and then you yanked mine out.

Ive recovered with numerous stitches, but you continue taunting me.

I sit and wonder, is God trying to test my strength?

How much I actually believe.

Not with my eyes, with insight.

I’m just trying to comprehend the definition of faith.

I am not a fantasy you can step in and out of. I am a Human Being.

Knowingly the Woman of your dreams, and that…

That was the reality of it all.

-Leighrick

Melancholy Lullaby

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Days like these are usually harder than others. I sit and think, what man could I possibly allow myself love more than my father and my brothers?

When the walls stop listening and the paper begins to thin. Pens dry like wells – I continue throwing coins in. Always sinking to the bottom, in relation to my feelings.

Tho my foundation has been shaken, I remain standing on both feet.

Days like these I remember smiles were to keep from sobbing. When the loudness of my laugh echoed and filled the emptiness within. When I picked up the good book, and threatened to test the 7 deadliest sins.

I felt the most suspense. How could one live a unpredictable life knowing what’s coming next? How must it be handled?

I disguised myself and walked blind into a world full of misjudgements. With the thoughts of where I should be. What I could’ve done; what would I give it all up for? Maybe some selfish loving….

Seeking love near and far, but up close is where it’s absent. Filling hollowness with questions. Is my acting so good that you feel like your words mean nothing?

To me this is far beyond explanation. The smile on my face and the frown in my heart are not adjacent.

Who can replace the feeling of replacement? Wouldn’t that be replacing you and I with something unfamiliar?

As an artist we want to be heard, and since I was in 3rd grade, Ive been curious as to why Van Gough cut off his ear. Was it fear? If so – I can relate to that.

My blood boils on the contrary my breathes are flat. I have a plateau of dreams, but I keep taking steps back. Life is all about risks they say, but I’m bored of this game.

I’m aiming at the moon, since I cannot seem to catch the shooting stars. If I had a wish, for one night I’d like to silence these thoughts.

to be continued..

-Leighrick

Wings Under Tailored Suits

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I broke free from my chain last night. I was afraid I was going to be sad or upset, but I was more enthralled. I guess it was a sign to let go, wholeheartedly. There was little to no pain, and quiet honestly – there’s belief I snatched it off my neck unknowingly conscious.

It’s funny, I thought this one piece of jewelry defined me. I used to feel so naked and absent without it. Now, I feel released.

Interesting how that happens. Maybe because through these last two years, that was the only thing I had left. A constant reminder of how I remembered myself then. The happiness. —

I guess…I guess I finally felt the weight it had on my heart and held over my head. No longer chained, I am in search of a new piece. No longer one that tries to define me, but inspire me.

Ha!

Maybe that’s just it. I’ve been inspired. I’ve been drinking more water; in result, I have developed an astounding sense of clarity. There is something about water, the moons strength to keep pushing the waves and breeze of the beach. The Life living inside of these bodies of water, and the life it replenishes inside myself.

My mind no longer rattles thoughts but caresses them. My heart no longer beats me, but thumps to melodies of new endeavors. I no longer feel the need to chase after the truth, because I’ve realized the truth I was chasing after were lies.

Which ultimately brought me to the light. When I look in the mirror; no longer in my eyes do I see you – I see my smile wide and bright.

Tonight this caged bird is free. I ripped off the sleeves burden with my heart. I unveil my wings and fly! I’ll even sing!

Until some one grabs hold of me by a limb,

I Am FREE.

-Leighrick