Offically Missing You

I’m lost confused as to what to do.
Sometimes I wish you could just walk a couple steps in my shoes,
Feel the pain I’m feeling from how much I’m missing you.
And I swear that’s sayings true, cause you cannot have the cake if your trying to eat it too.
Meaning I can not be your lover, only a homie…not even your boo.
Yet I continue to baby you.
Through and through, and through and through…I’ve met plenty of dudes, but can’t progress cause I stay comparing them to you.
It hurts because you love her, they love you, and I’m just here helping you get through it all.
I do things I don’t do, I say things I don’t say,
I’ve distanced myself from others, longing to have you one of these days, but your routine stays the same.
You don’t know what your feeling, through one ear and out the other…
through one year passes another and I’m still not with you.
People begging me, pleading for me to leave you, and
I inch away retracing my steps right back…
I’m breaking my back and your hardly bending yours.
Yours, Mines, Ours forever …we say–
I’m yours and your mine…
that’s how I wake up each morning, with a reoccurring dream hoping life has changed.
Either me not loving you, or you finally recognizing me…

Hopefully it’s not too late, and you’ve become either a mistake or stay a dream.
Our relationship is getting sicker, because it’s only me participating
yet my feelings get thicker, and you present yourself
here and there…
I still don’t see you.
In the beginning we started off solid, oblivious as to when life would hit…
But it did, hard
Because I feel, I’m the only one living through this
You’re not yourself and for sometime you’ve been missing.

I guess this poem is a point to say that I’m Officially Missing You.
-Leighrick

Figuratively Speaking

Figuratively Speaking…
Is blood truly thicker than water…I mean figuratively speaking.
How can a friends love not be equal or greater than that of a sibling?
Can a bond between an in-law grow quicker than parent?
Can the love of your partner overwhelm that of your brethren?
They say a family that prays together stays together, but what if there’s no praying at all?
What if the only praying going on, is the preying on ones individuality?
Shouldn’t you accept me as I am?
Isn’t Love unconditional?
Or do you only love me under the conditions of what you think is right?
Why is it that friends always seem to be by your side when you get the bad news,
but when your with family news seems to always be on commercial?
How come in my situation two wrongs didn’t make a right, but still two rights made a wrong?
With that being stated…
One shouldn’t make their past someones present.
The only gift that brings is misunderstood lies, drama, and pain…
And…
This only leaves us clueless.
Please tell me, is this the mis-education of Chemistry?
Why do I feel so distant from the ones I share my DNA with?
…..
I guess Love is Blind….Cause my love for you cant see the love you have for me.
And I guess Love is Deaf too, because you have yet to hear my cries for an answer.
I’m confused yet I’m curious as to what Love has in store for me.
All I really want is the answer to my question, because water has been there for me even when I didn’t want it.
And…
They say you cant live long without water, see because that’s what your body is composed;
without water there is no blood???

Now can you answer my question…
Is blood truly thicker than water…figuratively speaking???

-Leighrick

Dont Be Afraid

My greatest fear is love, because the thought of you kills me.

How can someone be so involved, but idle in presence.

You fit the description, and I guess I’ve died because I feel we’re a match made in heaven.

God has given us the gift; the present isn’t enough for me.

I want to travel through the future, and smile because I’m glad you grew old with me.

You’ve been my blanket in the cold, and my soul at times I could no longer burden such emotions.

I can’t even gain control of me.

My minds eye must be blind to true reality because us together, to me feels too much like a fantasy.

When I look into your eyes I see myself, and if you look into to mine you’ll see yourself too.

I sacrifice body, soul, and mind and devote my time to know what rhythm your heart beats and try and coordinate mine to do the same, because I want us to be one.

The Essence of a relationship is not each of us giving 50% because that’s selfish.

I want to give you 100% of me, and I hope you’d do the same because I want our relationship to be 200% better than the rest.

When we kiss, I don’t want it to be because of the passion we have for one another, but because lips can do two things.

1. Lips can capture the unspeakable.

2. Lips can speak the unthinkable

So when we lay down and make love and I’m silent, kiss me because I’m thinking what you’re feeling.

Then Kiss me again because I’ve spoke consciously and told you “I Love You

Conclusively, I fear my feelings for you are too deep, my dreams for us are too big, and the verbal expression of my feelings for you will be too late.

Should I be worried?

Leighrick

Tarnished Gold

I am in this relationship.

 

Its not awkward.

Its not violent.

Its not intimate.

 

Its Silent…

 

The type of silence when something wants to be said, but is held back.

So I hold back my response, because like always…we’ll get nowhere,

even though we’re riding in this car together.

 

We’re just silent.

Sitting.

 

Its like she’s choking on her emotions,

which is suffocating me.

 

Ultimately..

the most said is a greeting.

 

Just a “Hi” or a “Hello

 

On the outside our presences seem to be mellow,

but in the depth there is tension, with obviously invisible conflict.

 

I am that child,

walking in her parents foots steps.

 

Destined for success

Assuming I don’t want to be heard,

with attributes that speak volumes,

Questioning Love.

 

So

I

Remain

Silent.

 

We remain silent.

 

 

Everything forcing us to make conversation,

but the restraint of her tongue is intimidating.

 

 

I am confused.

Within everything that’s been said;

I am still not sure how to perceive it.

 

Its like my good news is being taken for bad news,

and my bad news for worse,

 

So I feel like,

Well Shit…

 

I feel like I’m not even worth the words.

 

 

Which is why

I pass by in silence.

 

 

I’m afraid, because time is moving quickly.

 

Silence is known to be deadly, and I see no future assets in this Gold.

 

Holidays no longer filled with warmth, but with coal.

I try to manufacture some happiness into this relationship,

its not working….

 

My heart keeps sinking,

deeper and deeper and deeper.

 

This relationship goes deeper than the wounds we’ve made visible,

These hand-me-down scars are invisible.

 

Now its not just the suffering of one,

everyone’s worn their heart on their sleeve at some point.

 

 

There is no Freedom of Speech.

Divided we stand, and united we have fallen.

 

But when its too hard to stand,

Ive learned, its okay to kneel.

 

Only when I’m down here, I’m asking for her hand,

because this relationship is until death do us part.

 

Although it’s killing me trying to comprehend.

I will not stop.

 

I know love exists,

I just hope the first steps to rebuild our foundation,

We can share a smile.

 

The real kind,

and not the ones forced by Silence.

 

 

-Leighrick

Letter to the Future [Lost Children pt 1]

Dear Lost Children,

I am writing you this letter, asking you to take my hand. I would like us to take a trip to see this countries past. I am writing you this letter letting you know not to be scared, because I am here to prepare you. I know you yearn for knowledge and guidance, but they’re hiding and burning the books in which some truths are kept (in order to sustain this well lit Hell). I know you are starving, but please child, do not kneel to the Golden Arches of the Burger Kings. I know you want to play, but please don’t roam these streets following the blind, and unattended.

You may ask, “who am I?” or “who are you?“; I am the Present and you are the Future. You see — I am writing you this letter as a gift, so TURN OFF THE TELEVISION and READ. I know you’re young, therefore you need to understand they are killing Our Mother, Our Sisters, and Our Brothers! But this Nation was founded on lies and corruption, so you have every right to blame our Fore Fathers.

Lost Children you may not be concerned because they’ve put you in a box, and marked the target with an “X“, but Ive come to help heal you. They are trying to strip you of everything. I hand-down to you any and everything I have to ensure your Knowledge and Safety.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION! I know it’s hard because your young, don’t let them trick you into thinking you have some disorder, they are just scared at the fact that I’m lining you up like soldiers and preparing for you the take over. I can BET my life and guarantee that these next couple of 16 years wont be so sweet. You’re absorbing all this like a sponge, but I refuse to let them dumb you down like Patrick.

TURN OFF THE RADIO! Don’t repeat those demeaning words, I know its hard because the tune is catchy, but my generation is the victim to the venom , and are now they have become lost generals. Listen to me, you Lost Children are our not so distant futures last chance at hope. But you don’t need the whips and chains, to see that this countries is trying make your life worth less  rather than change. Be the change, and the sense, you are worth everything I’ve wrote.

Do not eat the shit they feed you, because it’ll only stunt your growth and widen the chances of you being incapable, but NEVER GIVE UP! And if I am not present, and they so happen to knock you down its okay. Just GET UP, do not stand by and allow them to keep thinking they’re stronger. PUT THAT HAPPY MEAL DOWN!

Lost Children, I know it hurts, but I’m trying to ease the pain and heal you, because these battle scars leave marks embedded in you physically and mentally. I am sorry my children, but war has been declared. I’ll just end this first letter asking you to join me on the next journey, our brother and sister countries, and prepare to save them too….

Reminding you to DROP THE REMOTE & PICK UP BOOKS.

 I will be here to help guide you…

 

LOVE ALWAYS,

 

Leighrick, The Present

Beast Wars

Someone tame the madness that came from the belly of this beast.

Unfortunately this Evil is heredity.

Tainted fertilization.

Never to be blamed, but

I never felt a cry so violent.

Never seen love rejected so immediately.

With eyes so dominate.

The beast hides behind the beauty despite her being transparent.

The reflection in the mans mirror, ones crying and ones yelling.

Separate ways but the same intentions.

Darkness with no knowledge of Light.

Future could be bright, but in that household they don’t allow night lights.

 

So my hands together

Despite my anger.

I take all pleasure in prayer.

In my heart I’m feeling sympathy,

But in my mind currently, I am furious.

Premeditated Living.

Listening may be rare but imitating is surely present.

To hurt the ones you love could only be the devils presence.

 

That’s Karma at the door, not a Jehovah-Witness…

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Pain I Can Touch

I cut my hand on the bus today,

accidentally on purpose.

I cannot explain to you

how elated I was

and think you’d be able to fathom it.

I mean,

I was able to feel pain.

For those of you who

think this is about me being “emotionally numb“,

….

….

You’re wrong.

I am happy,

Finally…

Finally I feel a pain

I can do something about.

I can see it, touch it, and I can nurture it.

I rushed home,

instead of grabbing the alcohol,

I grabbed the peroxide,

Washed my hands twice,

and applied an even coat of Neosporin.

I dropped everything when I entered my room.

I laid on my bed, staring at in awe of my palm.

I cannot stop smiling.

Finally,

I have been hurt, but

I can do something about it.

I can see the wound,  putting a band-aid for comfort.

I can watch my bodies progression, as the new skin arrives,

reminding me that this pain is only temporary.

Overjoyed that I remember my blood is red and not black.

I guess you can say,

it cut me on the right hand,

but really…

it did.

This pain influenced this poem, so I took some advice and

I

Showed

My

Pain.

-Leighrick