Tag: Long Distance Relationships

Sacrifice

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Resentment builds,

as does my emotions.

It’s hard not to be mad, when my relaxation continues to drink the poisoned potion.

I never felt pain like this before.

How I’m I suppose to live without knowing the true definition of being alive?

You saw right through my eyes, I didn’t have to say a thing.

Just like you, I get lonely too.

How am I suppose to live without the presence of stability?

You saw straight through my soul, and without you I feel incomplete.

Leave me to dehydrate.

For our Love there’s no limit to sacrificing.

-Leighrick

Am I?

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To whom it may concern,

 

Am I really of much help to you, I felt your heart thaw as I held it in my hand..I felt is pump bass, like you were part of my band.. I thought I was of importance when you told me you loved me.. I’m on the bottom shelf, a lot of other shit is above me? Do you love me?

 

Or do I just resemble the other half of your sign, How come I’m always late at least half of the time, how come I have to pay for some other peoples crimes? When the world dulls you out, I still see your shine..

 

I’m just saying, I love you but what am I really to you? Truthfully speaking it’s some crazy shit I would do, just to make you smile, just to hear you maybe once cry out to me, if I am one ocean, then your my seven seas. Ima die over you, you’re my favorite damn disease. The funny thing about it, is its only you I aim to please.

 

Am I more than just temporary, a fling left in July?
Let me know now, cause the love I have is legendary.

 -Leighrick

Dont Be Afraid

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My greatest fear is love, because the thought of you kills me.

How can someone be so involved, but idle in presence.

You fit the description, and I guess I’ve died because I feel we’re a match made in heaven.

God has given us the gift; the present isn’t enough for me.

I want to travel through the future, and smile because I’m glad you grew old with me.

You’ve been my blanket in the cold, and my soul at times I could no longer burden such emotions.

I can’t even gain control of me.

My minds eye must be blind to true reality because us together, to me feels too much like a fantasy.

When I look into your eyes I see myself, and if you look into to mine you’ll see yourself too.

I sacrifice body, soul, and mind and devote my time to know what rhythm your heart beats and try and coordinate mine to do the same, because I want us to be one.

The Essence of a relationship is not each of us giving 50% because that’s selfish.

I want to give you 100% of me, and I hope you’d do the same because I want our relationship to be 200% better than the rest.

When we kiss, I don’t want it to be because of the passion we have for one another, but because lips can do two things.

1. Lips can capture the unspeakable.

2. Lips can speak the unthinkable

So when we lay down and make love and I’m silent, kiss me because I’m thinking what you’re feeling.

Then Kiss me again because I’ve spoke consciously and told you “I Love You“

Conclusively, I fear my feelings for you are too deep, my dreams for us are too big, and the verbal expression of my feelings for you will be too late.

Should I be worried?

–Leighrick

Chocolate High

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He sent me four page letters, enclosed with “I Love You’s“, kissed compliments, and hope filled hugs so that I never feel alone.
When I thought I am too weak to stand, he is my backbone.

The sun begins to rise as my eyes begin to close.
I drift off into a land of my own; where thoughts manifest dreams, and the chase after them never seems to cease.
Though I always seem close, I am obsessed with triumph.
Unconsciously I dispute sleep.
Playing Shepard I count sheep, but wolves are recurrently embodying the bad dreams.
If I rest my heart my mind will follow?
Suggesting it’ll beat me to death before the scars and flaws are perfected.

Nevertheless

He is medicine.
Every dose of him releases dopamine, and love regenerates my body.

I’d say….
he’s the better half of me.

Better yet —
If he is a cube, I am the squares, that combined with the depth and passion makes us whole.

Likewise — He fills all the holes.

Together attaining goals.
Aspiring and Inspiring.

He is the key I thought I threw away, and cannot be duplicated.

His heart is gold; though our love invaluable…
He is King to me.
I his Queen.
His lap, my throne.

Reading these letters and holding on to his lips for everlasting kisses.
In his smile, in his eyes, in his words, in his touch,
Whenever I feel unknowingly felt lost…
I find home in his love.

He gave me that key.

Alas — no more running through homelessness.
No more love-seats, no more couches…

At the moment, while I sleep
His chest is my mattress, and he whispers spirited harmonies
ensuring that my dreams are sweet.

So as my environment seems real, my real is a fantasy.
We met on the shores of the beach, a special place.

With notebooks consumed with these letters narrating our story.

To be continued….

With Love,
–Leighrick

Miserys Company

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Im feeling lost and hopeless

In the place I grew up, but homeless.

Invisible — everyone seeing past me, but not in depth.

 

All along I’ve been at home and I left.

Now I’m homeless, heartless, only thing I understand is death.

 

I left to come back to closed minds, closed eyes, deaf ears and little to no time.

 

To see that look in my Grandmothers eyes when I tell her I’m in Love.

Tell her that since I’ve been gone, I’ve done some growing up.

 

To cut the leash and puppet strings.

To close the open books, in my libraries of knowledge.

 

To handle responsibilities.

So that when I return, WE may continue to be top priority.

 

I’m trying to surpress the thoughts, but the stage I’m in, I think they call that a relapse.

Thoughts of pressing the pen to my temple or the pencil in my chest.

 

He gave me all of him, and I left now he feels as though he has nothing left.

But what I don’t think he’s feeling is my heart pressed against his chest.

My bodys presence in his bed.

My soul in his eyes

My mind in his hands…

 

There’s been several sleepless nights because of it.

Everyone wants to turn their back

When I’m screaming at the top of my lungs

“I dont want to be here!“

Everyone shuts their eyes when I tell them

“Look! I gotta plan“

And now everyone is stressing, thinking, they’re never gone see me again.

 

EVERYBODY IS BEING SELFISH.

That’s all the problems and the reasons.

 

I’ve outgrown my shell, and now I’m feeling homeless.

Time is moving too slow for me and now I’m feeling hopeless.

Everything is changing, but I’m still motivated.

 

No laugh is genuine.

Text message “I love you’s” don’t seem as intimate.

Staring into his eyes through pictures, brings tears to mine because now their just memories.

 

Sleepless because I know when I wake up he won’t be right next to me.

Dreamless, because being with him is all I envision.

 

There’s always a catch 22.

I regret it, but I know it’ll be right when I come back.

It’s hard being apart because it shouldn’t be like this.

 

My love for him is greater than the miles we’re apart.

I never felt love like this before, but that’s cause he’s always had my heart.

 

Everyone wants to talk to me.

Everyone thinks I’m crazy.

I don’t want to talk to the people I know, or to someone I don’t.

 

All I need is him, and a pen, with sheets, and sheets, and sheets, and sheets of paper.

 

I write because I can’t speak.

 

Everyone thinks it’s Puppy Love, but I don’t give a fuck what people think.

Shit a dog is 7 times older than humans so our love is way above infancy.

 

I’m ending this shit.

I hope some of y’all deaf mofos hear me.

 

-Leighrick

Questioned Answered by Questions

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July 07, 2008

 

Dear “Friend”,

I had to write a poem dedicated to you.

In return for the way you make me feel,

 the emotion you brought upon me is indescribable.

When we talk I do more than just vibe with you.

Following talking to you each night —

I dream the same dream.

A dream of us laying on cloud 9, looking down on the beach.

And from the eruptions we cause the earth, our names appear in the sand.

As we’re floating our cloud becomes overly condensed with intellect, passion, and innocence.

Precipitation falls as letters, spelling “Insuperable“,

because that’s how our relationship can be defined.

I couldn’t think of me without you, because you are the cure.

The cure for all my needs, wants, and problems.

I have to let this pen express my emotions because in reality…

we’re just friends?

You leave me speechless.

I am traveling over a thousand miles for this journey of me & you.

When I am in my room my mattress speaks to me;

somehow I’m no longer feeling as lonely…

As we vibe,

we exult in our victory of scripting our own history, or maybe her-story; how about ourstory?

But

When we pass through those uncanny gates of

dreams, hopes, and wishes,

I roll over to the other side of my bed and wake up to my phone…

it reads one missed call.

 

Stop answering my questions with questions and maybe then, I’ll answer yours…

 

–Leighrick

Meet Me at Our Special Place

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Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

And —

Maybe…

Just Maybe…

One of them is not me,

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

—

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

“Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me…

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking…

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick