Tag: Dysfunctional Families

Figuratively Speaking

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Figuratively Speaking…
Is blood truly thicker than water…I mean figuratively speaking.
How can a friends love not be equal or greater than that of a sibling?
Can a bond between an in-law grow quicker than parent?
Can the love of your partner overwhelm that of your brethren?
They say a family that prays together stays together, but what if there’s no praying at all?
What if the only praying going on, is the preying on ones individuality?
Shouldn’t you accept me as I am?
Isn’t Love unconditional?
Or do you only love me under the conditions of what you think is right?
Why is it that friends always seem to be by your side when you get the bad news,
but when your with family news seems to always be on commercial?
How come in my situation two wrongs didn’t make a right, but still two rights made a wrong?
With that being stated…
One shouldn’t make their past someones present.
The only gift that brings is misunderstood lies, drama, and pain…
And…
This only leaves us clueless.
Please tell me, is this the mis-education of Chemistry?
Why do I feel so distant from the ones I share my DNA with?
…..
I guess Love is Blind….Cause my love for you cant see the love you have for me.
And I guess Love is Deaf too, because you have yet to hear my cries for an answer.
I’m confused yet I’m curious as to what Love has in store for me.
All I really want is the answer to my question, because water has been there for me even when I didn’t want it.
And…
They say you cant live long without water, see because that’s what your body is composed;
without water there is no blood???

Now can you answer my question…
Is blood truly thicker than water…figuratively speaking???

-Leighrick

Tarnished Gold

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I am in this relationship.

 

Its not awkward.

Its not violent.

Its not intimate.

 

Its Silent…

 

The type of silence when something wants to be said, but is held back.

So I hold back my response, because like always…we’ll get nowhere,

even though we’re riding in this car together.

 

We’re just silent.

Sitting.

 

Its like she’s choking on her emotions,

which is suffocating me.

 

Ultimately..

the most said is a greeting.

 

Just a “Hi” or a “Hello”

 

On the outside our presences seem to be mellow,

but in the depth there is tension, with obviously invisible conflict.

 

I am that child,

walking in her parents foots steps.

 

Destined for success

Assuming I don’t want to be heard,

with attributes that speak volumes,

Questioning Love.

 

So

I

Remain

Silent.

 

We remain silent.

 

 

Everything forcing us to make conversation,

but the restraint of her tongue is intimidating.

 

 

I am confused.

Within everything that’s been said;

I am still not sure how to perceive it.

 

Its like my good news is being taken for bad news,

and my bad news for worse,

 

So I feel like,

Well Shit…

 

I feel like I’m not even worth the words.

 

 

Which is why

I pass by in silence.

 

 

I’m afraid, because time is moving quickly.

 

Silence is known to be deadly, and I see no future assets in this Gold.

 

Holidays no longer filled with warmth, but with coal.

I try to manufacture some happiness into this relationship,

its not working….

 

My heart keeps sinking,

deeper and deeper and deeper.

 

This relationship goes deeper than the wounds we’ve made visible,

These hand-me-down scars are invisible.

 

Now its not just the suffering of one,

everyone’s worn their heart on their sleeve at some point.

 

 

There is no Freedom of Speech.

Divided we stand, and united we have fallen.

 

But when its too hard to stand,

Ive learned, its okay to kneel.

 

Only when I’m down here, I’m asking for her hand,

because this relationship is until death do us part.

 

Although it’s killing me trying to comprehend.

I will not stop.

 

I know love exists,

I just hope the first steps to rebuild our foundation,

We can share a smile.

 

The real kind,

and not the ones forced by Silence.

 

 

-Leighrick

Beast Wars

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Someone tame the madness that came from the belly of this beast.

Unfortunately this Evil is heredity.

Tainted fertilization.

Never to be blamed, but

I never felt a cry so violent.

Never seen love rejected so immediately.

With eyes so dominate.

The beast hides behind the beauty despite her being transparent.

The reflection in the mans mirror, ones crying and ones yelling.

Separate ways but the same intentions.

Darkness with no knowledge of Light.

Future could be bright, but in that household they don’t allow night lights.

 

So my hands together

Despite my anger.

I take all pleasure in prayer.

In my heart I’m feeling sympathy,

But in my mind currently, I am furious.

Premeditated Living.

Listening may be rare but imitating is surely present.

To hurt the ones you love could only be the devils presence.

 

That’s Karma at the door, not a Jehovah-Witness…

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Someone to Scream for

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Someone scream for the little girl inside of her.

 

Mothering everyone’s problems.

 

Yearning to be held by her own, and switch back the roles.

 

Life has never been easy.

 

She witnessed a life of rage.

Endured every form of abuse.

And is now her own emotional slave.

 

Someone scream for the woman she’ll grow to be.

 

3 little pigs, life doesn’t knock like the wolves, it continues to blow down houses but her foundation is strong.

 

She houses all the issues, she replaces their dirty laundry with clean clothes. As she tries forcefully feed them gentle honesty.

 

The little engine that could, pride and determination pushing her through college.

 

Someone scream for the wife, she will later become.

 

A heart filled with aches and stitches.

A nose accustom to uncensored scent of bullshit.

Emotions used for pleasure and ignored through pain.

Still she is enriched with hope, making sure no ill will is accompanying her.

 

Someone scream for the mother in the sister she’s always provided.

 

She’s just trying to find her self and profess good examples.

Allow them to recognize that she encounters obstacles daily.

Even through all the stress, she puts time away to listen.

 

Someone scream for the daughter she is.

 

This apple has grown beautifully, because of her family tree.

And although it may not fall far from the tree, she rolls and explores the grass engraving her own path.

 

Someone scream for the friend in her.

 

She’s building walls, while they’re caring less.

Allow her to acknowledge the ones around her are replacing each brick with trust.

That if she falls off her ladder, she recognizes the ones that catch her, before she falls, and if they miss….

Aid in cleaning her up.

 

Someone scream for this young lady, because she can’t seem to do it herself.

She has been so busy screaming for everyone else, she lost her voice, and her lost breath….

 

So scream to comfort her —

on her mission to find herself.

 

-Leighrick

Devils Food Cake : Opposite Day

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I don’t touch that bottle

my father’s finger prints are permanent,

Sometimes he’d mistake my neck for a bottle.

 

They say the Skyy is the limit,

but he didn’t think that was enough.

Blood brothers with Jack,

Intoxicated visions of him being Daniel

In a lions den, I remember vividly

as he got up from his throne, and slammed the door

Lying telling me he’d be right back.

 

Every attempt my mother took to turn her back

He’d whip it.

Repeatedly, Repeatedly, Repeatedly

Cries like a broken record,

Broken heart

Broken ribs

No Protection.

And

he’d leave with a satisfied appetite of affection.

 

We had covered all mirrors in the house,

Bruised pride

Swollen eyes

and a transparent reflection.

 

We were only dependents

with no sense of declaration.

Longing to be rescued,

but cowardly courage was always a distraction.

No ends to support our means.

No knowledge of definitions,

 

Love was pain

and Love was what we longed for,

so our only option was to remain.

 

He was raping our personalities.

We were no longer people,

but soon to be fatalities.

 

And we were.

 

 

On the anniversary of my birth,

he turned the station wagon into a hearse,

and while he was driving,

he was trying to decipher his reality from his wishes

and as the vehicle  was swerving,

I threw up regret, and —

 

 

I woke up.

At last, the truth was revealed

the world was finally upside down,

like I had always thought it’d been.

 

I remember rounds of hollow tips

were fired into the vacancy of my chest,

but in my dream I had mistaken the sound of my mothers screams for bullets.

 

 

On the anniversary of my birth…

My father killed my Mother,

My mother gave birth to my baby Brother,

and God taught him how to fly,

before my father stripped him of his wings.

 

So when I woke up,

My father presented me with an upside down cake,

and with out saying any words,

he looked me deep past my eyelids,

wiped my eyes,

and said ‘Happy Birthday’.

 

 

There is no limit to Skyy,

No better friends than E&J,

No Better Amo than Yeager-bombs,

and

No better Freedom than Death.

 

–Leighrick©

Conscious Dreamin’

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I’d be lying if I say I didn’t want to go back.

 

As I’m lying on my back,

An abundance of thoughts are racing through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

It’s December and I’m having dreams of Santa placing me in my fathers lap.

A stork delivering me between my mothers legs.

 

Flashbacks holding my Sisters hands, they’re teaching me how to dance.

 

Walk down stairs to sneak something to eat, and see my brothers red hands.

I’d be lying if I say I didn’t want to go back.

 

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

Numerous thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

I see me sitting on the table as my grandmother feeds me.

I wont bite the hand, rather admire the gentleness of them.

Now I’m running across the grass blowing bubbles with my cousins.

There’s an elephant in the room, but won’t nobody say nothing.

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

A plethora of thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track.

Hey ! I’m cruising; riding a bike that won’t take me anywhere.

I remember Grandmas red beans & rice, cabbage, and spaghetti nobody would want to share.

“There’s a hole in my stockings” I said, but she always had an extra pair.

I can still hear Wild Bill calling me the prettiest girl

Opening my eyes during the long prayer

Admiring my nephew as he plays in his mothers hair

Her stomach round my niece is in there.

 

And as I’m lying on my back

An overflow of thoughts race through my head, so its hard to stay on track

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to go back.

When we gathered together and laughed until we shed tears.

Every household had a secret that they didn’t want to share

I keep smiling sitting at the table with no one there.

So I fill in the empty seats with memories.

Now I’m remember this place, and never meant for it to come here.

The real estate I’m on is now a couch I call my home.

 

And as I’m lying on my back

Thoughts are shadowing memories, so it’s hard to place a bet

Who would win this war the guilt or  the hard head

In a room with 4 walls and no ceilings,

No doors, windows, or ladders,

How the fuck do I get out of here?

Everything around me happened so fast, why do I feel like I’m in slow motion?

 

As I’m lying on my back

I pack this bowl and drink this potion.

Who would’ve thought I’d be the sucker for love

I never showed emotion.

But I feel my heart skip a couple beats every time I hold my Grandmothers hand.

I tend to rethink everything I could have done different.

I’m trying to cherish time, but how am I suppose to do that if I cant even get a grasp of it?

 

And as I’m lying on my back,

I never thought it would have come to this.

A point where I can’t even finish this without

adding a couple “What Ifs“, a couple “Maybes”

Thinking — is it best to be myself, or what I am expected to be?

Then I think again

Should I have even wrote this?

Many will read into a misconstrued message.

 

Fuck it tho

 

As I’m lying on my back

I find no reason to lie.

I wish I could go back just to make more memories…..

 

-Leighrick