Tag: Unconditional Love

Welcome Depression Addicts

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Welcome…

I do not have dreams. I have a large potraits of reality, everynight, and the next morning it all comes true. I am staring into a black screen, with nothing but frustration running through my mind. It’s begun to tire out my mind, and testing my feelings. Struggling to find the diamond in the rough, except diamonds are oh so cold, and I’m warm blooded. How would the ring fit around my heart? The beats steady pumping, my emotions are getting pimped, my thoughts are getting trampled, and the tears run down my lip.

Open Lab — let them operate on the chaos, putting together the pieces of Lady Chaot!c, and some touches of nuclear spit. The life I lead is unsafe. It’s true misery needs company. Only my company has gone bankrupt to the depths of life’s rotting anatomy. If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul take, so it may be that I am a legend in Gods eyes.

With stress as the monkey on my back, unconditional love is feeding it banana’s. A volcano of sorrow has erupted. Is this such a way for a young black female to live her life? The fight for getting a decent education, but its shadow of confusion and uncontrollable exoticism is the only light. I’ll follow that with my heart instead of my mind.

That is why they call me Lady Chaotic, lyrically spiritual, but my opinions are explicit.

–Leighrick also.known.as {Chaot!c}

Phone Home

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I’m trapped in a box with a cell phone, white walls and a stop sign. I’ve finally caught a signal… I began to phone home. No answer — I guess the answering machine has a mind of its own. Who would have ever thought that the sound of the dial tone, could set the tone for my sickness. I lay flat on my stomach – ill. Until the satellites come correctly into place.

Walls cant cry, windows don’t have arms, and with a mattress full of money still none of it builds a home. I know they seen it coming down my eyes, but I couldn’t feel her text message cry. I peeped it through the mirror, it almost seemed 3D, but not forgetting its reality. I turn over on my back and begin to ponder. Did you see the image you portrayed clearly? I thought at least some of the things I was doing was brand new…

I blink twice, hoping that this is a dream and I’m sailing off in the bay out the double standard cell, cell phone free because my hearts hope isn’t for sale. Transcribing feelings through technology shows no emotion, that goes for the smiley as well… So when that door opened up for me. I grasped the shadows of 3 strong women standing tall….with their hands held out, my future blueprinted. Now I can say that my future at hand will be successful. You’ll miss us when we’re gone…

“I float high good bye. I will miss y’all“

-Leighrick

The Coldest War

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Everyone said life was going to be this hard

However, everyone failed to mention the scars would remain, less obvious than outer appearance.

Daily wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Scabs and keloids protrude from untold her-stories,

 

Belly swollen full of manipulation.

Brain dead,

Unconscious,

Self-conscious —

 

Afraid of self.

 

PAIN

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Her tongue remedial compared to cat like reflexes.

Her own two sense, something she cant afford.

 

She Wrote.

and so

She Spoke.

 

She becomes family with led and ink.

In-laws of different colors

 

A mind is a terrible thing to waste,

as is her pain,

She Wrote.

 

This lonely child found the comfort in the instruments, the silence, and the trees.

 

All she wrote repeatedly:

 

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!”

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!“…

 

Peers read, what appears?

What is perceived?

 

The agony brought a smile upon her face, because shes discovered one of her many talents

Acting.

 

Just Leave Me.

Leave Her Alone.

 

MEANING

Comfort Me.

 

This little girl is on a scavenger hunt.

She tries to abandon the labels, they hold her back.

She searches for someone to foster her creativity.

She longs for someone to adopt her perception.

Her conscience is an Orphan.

 

This lonely child is lost in all the love.

 

Mouth dry as wood.

Eyes shinning bright like dim lights.

These Pinocchio’s snout would grow

if they deny being puppets too.

 

She just wants to be a real woman.

They hear her speak, but no one

LISTENS.

Judgments are passed along,

accompanied by unconditional love.

Under the conditions of seeing thoroughly, only when they chose not to be

BLIND.

 

so confused.

 

Life is hard, for that she was prepared.

They keeping telling her to explain herself.

But no one understands her language.

She tries to translate it, but motha fuckas are impatient.

 

Feeling like a patient, she nursing her thoughts.

Remember, this poor girl is brain dead.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

 

So.

The shadow unexpectedly appeared

placed the pen to her temple.

imprinted a hand against her heart,

and pressed her mouth onto hers.

 

She inhaled comprehension and took her first gasp of LIFE.

Tasteless.

 

Nervous.

Excited.

She understands her language, she wrote back to her through thoughts, emotions, and intuition.

She spoke.

The first words for a young adult.

“I Love You”

She grew inside her,wisdom, her tears the waters that bloomed this gracious flower.

 

Everyone told her life was going to be this hard.

She thought her shit would come out softer after the bullshit they fed her,

another fallacy sugar coated.

 

She’s screaming at her

Lullabies sweet and low.

Her honesty

Bittersweet.

 

This Woman is a Solider.

The series of this Coldest War.

 

To be continued…

 

-Leighrick

Sacrifice

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Resentment builds,

as does my emotions.

It’s hard not to be mad, when my relaxation continues to drink the poisoned potion.

I never felt pain like this before.

How I’m I suppose to live without knowing the true definition of being alive?

You saw right through my eyes, I didn’t have to say a thing.

Just like you, I get lonely too.

How am I suppose to live without the presence of stability?

You saw straight through my soul, and without you I feel incomplete.

Leave me to dehydrate.

For our Love there’s no limit to sacrificing.

-Leighrick

Am I?

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To whom it may concern,

 

Am I really of much help to you, I felt your heart thaw as I held it in my hand..I felt is pump bass, like you were part of my band.. I thought I was of importance when you told me you loved me.. I’m on the bottom shelf, a lot of other shit is above me? Do you love me?

 

Or do I just resemble the other half of your sign, How come I’m always late at least half of the time, how come I have to pay for some other peoples crimes? When the world dulls you out, I still see your shine..

 

I’m just saying, I love you but what am I really to you? Truthfully speaking it’s some crazy shit I would do, just to make you smile, just to hear you maybe once cry out to me, if I am one ocean, then your my seven seas. Ima die over you, you’re my favorite damn disease. The funny thing about it, is its only you I aim to please.

 

Am I more than just temporary, a fling left in July?
Let me know now, cause the love I have is legendary.

 -Leighrick

Figuratively Speaking

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Figuratively Speaking…
Is blood truly thicker than water…I mean figuratively speaking.
How can a friends love not be equal or greater than that of a sibling?
Can a bond between an in-law grow quicker than parent?
Can the love of your partner overwhelm that of your brethren?
They say a family that prays together stays together, but what if there’s no praying at all?
What if the only praying going on, is the preying on ones individuality?
Shouldn’t you accept me as I am?
Isn’t Love unconditional?
Or do you only love me under the conditions of what you think is right?
Why is it that friends always seem to be by your side when you get the bad news,
but when your with family news seems to always be on commercial?
How come in my situation two wrongs didn’t make a right, but still two rights made a wrong?
With that being stated…
One shouldn’t make their past someones present.
The only gift that brings is misunderstood lies, drama, and pain…
And…
This only leaves us clueless.
Please tell me, is this the mis-education of Chemistry?
Why do I feel so distant from the ones I share my DNA with?
…..
I guess Love is Blind….Cause my love for you cant see the love you have for me.
And I guess Love is Deaf too, because you have yet to hear my cries for an answer.
I’m confused yet I’m curious as to what Love has in store for me.
All I really want is the answer to my question, because water has been there for me even when I didn’t want it.
And…
They say you cant live long without water, see because that’s what your body is composed;
without water there is no blood???

Now can you answer my question…
Is blood truly thicker than water…figuratively speaking???

-Leighrick

Tarnished Gold

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I am in this relationship.

 

Its not awkward.

Its not violent.

Its not intimate.

 

Its Silent…

 

The type of silence when something wants to be said, but is held back.

So I hold back my response, because like always…we’ll get nowhere,

even though we’re riding in this car together.

 

We’re just silent.

Sitting.

 

Its like she’s choking on her emotions,

which is suffocating me.

 

Ultimately..

the most said is a greeting.

 

Just a “Hi” or a “Hello”

 

On the outside our presences seem to be mellow,

but in the depth there is tension, with obviously invisible conflict.

 

I am that child,

walking in her parents foots steps.

 

Destined for success

Assuming I don’t want to be heard,

with attributes that speak volumes,

Questioning Love.

 

So

I

Remain

Silent.

 

We remain silent.

 

 

Everything forcing us to make conversation,

but the restraint of her tongue is intimidating.

 

 

I am confused.

Within everything that’s been said;

I am still not sure how to perceive it.

 

Its like my good news is being taken for bad news,

and my bad news for worse,

 

So I feel like,

Well Shit…

 

I feel like I’m not even worth the words.

 

 

Which is why

I pass by in silence.

 

 

I’m afraid, because time is moving quickly.

 

Silence is known to be deadly, and I see no future assets in this Gold.

 

Holidays no longer filled with warmth, but with coal.

I try to manufacture some happiness into this relationship,

its not working….

 

My heart keeps sinking,

deeper and deeper and deeper.

 

This relationship goes deeper than the wounds we’ve made visible,

These hand-me-down scars are invisible.

 

Now its not just the suffering of one,

everyone’s worn their heart on their sleeve at some point.

 

 

There is no Freedom of Speech.

Divided we stand, and united we have fallen.

 

But when its too hard to stand,

Ive learned, its okay to kneel.

 

Only when I’m down here, I’m asking for her hand,

because this relationship is until death do us part.

 

Although it’s killing me trying to comprehend.

I will not stop.

 

I know love exists,

I just hope the first steps to rebuild our foundation,

We can share a smile.

 

The real kind,

and not the ones forced by Silence.

 

 

-Leighrick