Category Archives: Volume 2 [The Drought]

Trauma.

This Plane

This Plane

As I’m on this plane, I’m writing our names in the clouds.

Though I miss you extremely despite the elevation I still feel high.

It’s almost impossible to explain your touch, the clouds know it’s hard to keep dry eyes.

This seat is uncomfortable because it’s not your lap.

My body will ache for some months because your not attached, and all these people need to shut the fuck up because they sound nothing like your laugh.

When the train arrived your words hugged me the whole ride, giving me the comfort of knowing this isn’t a goodbye.

That whole ride I cried, I still feel as though I’m dying inside.

Instead like the winds you kept strong for me.

I saw the love in your eyes and felt the warmth in your heart.

I know things will change temporarily but what remains is the love in our hearts.

I’ll always be there and you’ll always be here.

No one nor thing will be able to fill the void in our hearts.

A race against insanity, seems like life never wants us to get a head start.

I feel miserable, I want to cry, but deep inside I know my tears aren’t invisible.

I don’t these people bugging asking me what’s wrong.

I might scream, and curse…cause deep inside I wanna strap something to chest and let them all feel my hurt.

I’m shaking my head.

I keep complaining, and complaining this feeling isnt forever.

Already my heads getting fucked up, no more time to be selfish…

this battle is against time.

I have end this because the more I write,
the more tears that build up.

Just know that I’m with you.

I Love You.

-Leighrick

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Bed Spread

There’s too much confusion just to let the dust settle.

The shit hit the fan, and now my heart is in shambles.

Trying to pick-up all the pieces to the puzzle, but those missing have been swept under the rug.

I got this illness…

Love Sick.

Curious, yet left without answers

The bush is not the only thing being beaten around.

I no longer wake up with a smile,

Now I live in a frown.

 

My heart is building up its walls again, a safer house.

 

Resentment unfortunately is the foundation for my anger.

These lies have enclosed my heart in inflammation.

My mind couldn’t keep its thoughts off premeditated suicide.

 

I enter the panic room.

 

I put this love gun to my temple, as tears of passion run down my cheeks;

While my trigger finger frees me, and fills my medulla-oblongata with these hollow tip uncertainties.

Bloodshed, my loves sinks beneath me, and a sea of red is engulfed by my bedsheets.

Death Bed.

My last thought hoping some trtuh will come of sacrifice.

Label me another

Premeditated Love Suicide

 

-Leighrick

Pain I Can Touch

I cut my hand on the bus today,

accidentally on purpose.

I cannot explain to you

how elated I was

and think you’d be able to fathom it.

 

I mean,

I was able to feel pain.

For those of you who

think this is about me being “emotionally numb“,

….

….

You’re wrong.

 

I am happy,

Finally…

Finally I feel a pain

I can do something about.

I can see it, touch it, and I can nurture it.

 

 

I rushed home,

instead of grabbing the alcohol,

I grabbed the peroxide,

Washed my hands twice,

and applied an even coat of Neosporin.

 

I dropped everything when I entered my room.

I laid on my bed, staring at in awe of my palm.

I cannot stop smiling.

 

Finally,

I have been hurt, but

I can do something about it.

 

 

I can see the wound,  putting a band-aid for comfort.

I can watch my bodies progression, as the new skin arrives,

reminding me that this pain is only temporary.

 

Overjoyed that I remember my blood is red and not black.

I guess you can say,

it cut me on the right hand,

but really…

it did.

 

This pain influenced this poem, so I took some advice and

 

I

Showed

My

Pain.

 

-Leighrick

Good Bye to the Marvins

Knock, Knock

 “Who goes there?”

 Marvin!

I ask, “Marvin who?“, and then the knocking stops…

 I ask, “Is this the same Marvin, who spent his days locked up in that room where everything happened?”

 [Yes]

He’s calling me:

Intoxicated with Regret and High off Pride?

Dressed head to toe in the suit of persuasion with selfish fragrance.

A man sick, because of his cold heart.

A man who lacks guidance, empty, because he lacks soul..

 

[Yes]

 

The one who intrudes up my phone, begging and pleading me?

Disrespecting, the man I maybe with, someone I had hoped for him to be.

Now longing to be reacquainted, because I shortened our relationship and ceased all communication.

 

[Yes]

 

The one who blinded me?

The reason I am no longer able to look into his eyes, and realize potential.

I only see who you are now.

The true intentions in the eyes of this individual.

 

I am peeping through this peephole, with the eyes of the people.

 

Everyone who claims to have known “Love“, heard the bells ringing,

they saw the white fences, gowns, and pictured bands around their fingers.

Until they heard the church bells, and instead knocking on the door, God knocked the walls down.

Reminding you, that you can answer the call and respond to his messages,

but keep in mind he has the wrong message in the texts he’s sent —

You know you accidentally ignore the call, knowing he’s to prideful to apologize,

but the silence of his emotions will leave that voicemail.

 

And it continues…

 

[Marvin’s at the door yelling]

Fuck that new dude that you love so bad!”

 [I’m yelling back]

Fuck you too, for not realizing what you had!

 [Marvin Yells]

“I know you still think about the times we had!”

 [I open the door]

Exactly baby that’s the point, had as in the past.

You are now just a memory…

I’ve put you behind the glass, reminding myself to cherish the experience, but never relive the misery.

I’ve relieved myself of thoughts that you could ever change & will never be honest with yourself nor I.

 

[Slams the door]

Now go back to those females, that play your game.

 [Knock, Knock]

“Who is it?”

[Marvin]: “I’m just saying you could do better — tell me have you heard that lately?

[Me]: To answer your question, yes people have BEEN telling, I can do better…

And I know you’ve been hearing that from other females regularly.

You fell into it.

I haven’t tried —

I’m not able end something I once put my all in, and move onto something new, rejuvenated.

And although I haven’t decided to do better,

the door of opportunity is locked.

 

So now you can sit and continue your addiction of looking at random broads naked pictures, and talking about how you almost had me fooled.

But I’m glad you came knocking on my door; I finally peeped my head through the hole you were digging me.

Otherwise I would never be able to climb out and brush the dirt from those feelings off my chest,

And the saying: “The grass is greener on the other side“….

Might mean a lot more to you.

 

You can keep my heart and that tag around your neck as a memorandum of the things you’ve sacrificed for less.

 

With that said,

Let us have a toast for the Marvins,

and I say

GoodBYE to the Marvins.

 

-Leighrick

Meet Me at Our Special Place

Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

 

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

 

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

 

And —

 

Maybe…

 

Just Maybe…

 

One of them is not me,

 

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

 

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

 

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

 

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

 

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

 

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

 

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

 

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

 

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

 

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me

 

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

 

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick

No FIlter

A promising question.

Promiscuous Answers.

 

Aware that there’s life after me, but

Next life time, will I see you again?

 

Actions of selfishness,

Defy the suppression of nostalgic thoughts.

The hurt of remembering leaves emotional scars.

 

Two sleeves baring tattooed broken hearts.

This wardrobe neglected and dejected.

Hand-me-downs – Hand me down faded smiles.

 

Happiness hasn’t felt the same

Not even Sadness itself has felt this shame.

 

Conversations turn into confessions,

History’s left unwritten – the mysteries…

What is (y)OUR story?

 

I’ve revised mine.

This Fantasy has turned Non-Fiction.

Once believed in fairy tales until discovering,

Witches can be men too.

 

As minds wonder –

On those long walks are you searching for me?

 

Inside feeling empty, but how long will this last?

Hungry since birth, never tasting satisfaction.

 

How does one go about embracing the present

If they cannot fully comprehend their past?

 

Promising Questions.

Broken Answers.

 

Has Cupid cast a spell on us forever?

Cursed with loving you, never?

Instead I curse until I start feeling a little better.

 

Use to weather any story together,

Star gazing as the sky is falling,

Today feels more like Christmas in the Summer.

 

-Leighrick ♥

Unfinished Eulogy

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart hurting.

 

I find no condolences in loneliness.

 

My bed is comforting, but there’s too much space.

 

As my pillows lend their shoulders to me, I plead my case.

 

I plead the 5th.

Well…this 5th I got in my hand.

Minus about 3 oz,

so you can add whatever left

of this 8th..

 

 

I just want something to draw a smile from me, without misery being written all over my face.

 

His name permanently engraved,

We’re hangin’ on a thread,

I guess symbolically this chain, and I tend to notice its

been lingering to left side,

where the melancholy is the strongest..

 

With these words, Ive built sentences

and with these sentences, Ive filled notebooks.

A literary chest to store these memories

being ready to be put at rest, but

within these notebooks,

I have written a thousand drafts of Eulogies,

but have never finished one.

 

Its like being 3 1/2 feet deep

negotiating with Satan,

because Ive already been to Hell and back

trying to attain some truth and knowledge behind, Real Love.

 

But

the other half of me

is being cradled by God,

In a dream, but it seems nothing less than real.

 

 

I’m not gonna lie some nights I contemplate it.

 

Life without him has been a Broadway play, without the music.

So much potential yet so much pressure, enough to make someone lose it.

And I did,

within the “it”

I lost “I”

So really…

I’m still looking for the two of us.

 

Phantoms of you appear seldom,

only because I know you’ll never be here,

but its my Guilty Pleasure.

 

 

Still —

 

I am here…

 

Lights off.

Candles burning.

Eyes closed.

Heart yearning, but Mind careful.

 

I am Sorry tho,

I had to get that off my chest,

My whole thing is, I am afraid.

There’s no other place my heart would be,

than on my sleeve, for all to see, cause….

there’s no doubt

 

I still love him.

 

-Leighrick