Monthly Archives: June 2013

Miserys Company

Im feeling lost and hopeless

In the place I grew up, but homeless.

Invisible — everyone seeing past me, but not in depth.

 

All along I’ve been at home and I left.

Now I’m homeless, heartless, only thing I understand is death.

 

I left to come back to closed minds, closed eyes, deaf ears and little to no time.

 

To see that look in my Grandmothers eyes when I tell her I’m in Love.

Tell her that since I’ve been gone, I’ve done some growing up.

 

To cut the leash and puppet strings.

To close the open books, in my libraries of knowledge.

 

To handle responsibilities.

So that when I return, WE may continue to be top priority.

 

I’m trying to surpress the thoughts, but the stage I’m in, I think they call that a relapse.

Thoughts of pressing the pen to my temple or the pencil in my chest.

 

He gave me all of him, and I left now he feels as though he has nothing left.

But what I don’t think he’s feeling is my heart pressed against his chest.

My bodys presence in his bed.

My soul in his eyes

My mind in his hands…

 

There’s been several sleepless nights because of it.

Everyone wants to turn their back

When I’m screaming at the top of my lungs

I dont want to be here!

Everyone shuts their eyes when I tell them

Look! I gotta plan

And now everyone is stressing, thinking, they’re never gone see me again.

 

EVERYBODY IS BEING SELFISH.

That’s all the problems and the reasons.

 

I’ve outgrown my shell, and now I’m feeling homeless.

Time is moving too slow for me and now I’m feeling hopeless.

Everything is changing, but I’m still motivated.

 

No laugh is genuine.

Text message “I love you’s” don’t seem as intimate.

Staring into his eyes through pictures, brings tears to mine because now their just memories.

 

Sleepless because I know when I wake up he won’t be right next to me.

Dreamless, because being with him is all I envision.

 

There’s always a catch 22.

I regret it, but I know it’ll be right when I come back.

It’s hard being apart because it shouldn’t be like this.

 

My love for him is greater than the miles we’re apart.

I never felt love like this before, but that’s cause he’s always had my heart.

 

Everyone wants to talk to me.

Everyone thinks I’m crazy.

I don’t want to talk to the people I know, or to someone I don’t.

 

All I need is him, and a pen, with sheets, and sheets, and sheets, and sheets of paper.

 

I write because I can’t speak.

 

Everyone thinks it’s Puppy Love, but I don’t give a fuck what people think.

Shit a dog is 7 times older than humans so our love is way above infancy.

 

I’m ending this shit.

I hope some of y’all deaf mofos hear me.

 

-Leighrick

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4 Elements to Loving You

Water

 Overflowing gallantry,

I sip on your wisdom,

 tasting your sixth sense,

 swallowing your energy;

 Hoping to digest reasoning,

 and release all animosity.

 

 Air

Spirits as subtle as winds, you are here with me.

Everywhere — I embrace the breeze captivated with your presence.

Throughout mountains, across seas…

Inside me, surrounding trees

I feel blessed

 whenever I wake up and am allowed to breath.

 

Fire

 Burn all threads of the elapsed time without one another.

Ignite the flames of our intellect,

The luminosity of your warmth brought to me,

in a dream asleep or in an awakened daze of the day.

My heart-burns,

Why isn’t the joy consecutive in some of these aches?

 The only time I’d wish for winter.

 Who’d thought rain drops could feel so soothing during the irritation.

 

Earth

 Whom revolves around whom?

We coexist tho we have morphed into one being.

Have the desire to cherish my heart, as you do the memories stored in your brain.

 Rest your hand upon my chest to make sure there is always feeling.

 Embrace our relationship with arms of understanding.

 Fill the seas with our tears…

 Fill the desert with our the dirt of our disagreement.

Create

Life.

 

Revolve Emotions

Rekindle Flames

Relinquish Fears

 as I rehabilitate your feelings towards Love.

 

-Leighrick

The Tree That Fell in the City

I’m about as ungrateful as impatient can get me.

The type that forgets hospitals exist when I am sick.

And often times, I wish there was only 6.

Like maybe there’d be some balance if the odd didn’t exist.

Fixated on my crowded loneliness.

Wiping my tears as I reminiscence.

Trying to find the “I” in dependent, bout as hard as it gets.

So I sip & I twist.

 

I have dwelled with the premature & tolerated pre-Madonnas.

I’ve disguised my pride and dressed my thoughts.

Been on the same page as many, but rarely ever the same book.

I have mistaken blessings for a curses.

Let go of my ego for equality,

Breaking fast for fallen soldiers in the army of humanity, in the war of morality.

Experienced the experiment of genocide.

Ive stayed inside to hide, then stood tall when no one was around.

Smiled, when inside it’s a frown.

Often –

I walk with my head down.

 

Until then,

The pen personifies my motives.

The paper organizes my thoughts into origami, shifting shapes into my alter persona.

A schizophrenic Gemini, filled with personality, conflicted by decision.

I put my hand up for a time-out but this motion picture, illiterate to intermissions.

Ticketed oppression.

 

I digress.

Throw my hands up in confession

I’m not who you think I am!” —

My soul goes deeper than my reflection.

Complacency is more effortless than depression.

Independence has a currency, Protection.

 

Some say, “Money makes the world go ’round“, but

Its a recession.

So has the world withheld movement?

Funny we think it revolves around us, but

We’re no where close to the moon.

See the solar system?

In my souls there’s a system,

Replace uncertainty with Faith.

Everything lives & everyone dies.

 

You see,

This world might seem cold, and soon these storm clouds will turn to rain.

Meaning — I am the sun that will shine,

As you fret and precipitate, my words will ease the pain.

For every smile there’s 100 times the drops of rain.

So plant your seed, and let the roots dig deeper than what the eyes can see, the hand can touch, and the heart can feel.

Become one with your growth, but never be the one to cut down a tree.

Just because their still doesn’t mean they don’t scream.

….

Did you hear it?

 

-Leighrick

How Many Mics?

Too many mics and not enough MCs

These rappers are still babies to this game all they spit is gaga..shit driving me crazy

How many carrots will it take you see, guess them diamonds really blindin and the cats got more than they tongue,

cause those grills got they mouth on freeze…and these lames still swagg biting.

Still Evil wearing true religion, constantly being fake like any implant on Nicki.

My words boom like echos in a tunnel you can’t help but hear my message more than once

I Do Right And Kill Everything I can’t help that my Young Moneys growing up.

Fuck Pink Dollaz I’m trynna turn the whole world back green and blue.

I write fire so flame is after my stage name like Wocka,

And record labels still handing out deals like candy..Willy Wonka

But this paper is my factory, and these beats are my workers, no machinery I don’t fuck with auto-tune,

just stay tuned into what I’m providing you to read, knowledge is automatic

Be ready to get real

Like the I in Will I can’t help but maintain being ill.

Because I’m sick of this so called music, and allergic to their wanna be attempts at lyrics

These rappers are all my children, they’re so full or drama my words making em young n restless

These lames are driving me Ludacris, I had to stand up for what I believe in.

Got them thinking I’m crazy, this exactly why I need a doctor producing a beat behind this.

All these artist so dry now, I’m parched.

I need some juice man, where OJ?

And since all they worried about are groupies

These rappers needs some fits man, where the Gucci at?

I wanna bring up the underground not that Illuminati, I’m not a mason just amazing.

I ball, these New Boyz can’t play my position,

Ima Cool Kid bruh, the Pacific’s not they’re Division.

I know writing like this can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare ..

You can get real and join the circle or you can just stay a square.

Either way get real…cause every line is a step closer to my dreams.

-Leighrick

Metaphorical Pen

I think its about that time.

Its safe to grab the pistol.

Im tired of growing, everyday its more stressful.

I hate money.

I hate school.

I think this day can be stamped official.

Im tired of feeling bitter and

Im tired of being stressed.

Im just tired of breathing, it takes all my energy.

Especially when im breathing for dozens of people, and most of them kin to me.

This poem is about me.

For once I just want to lay in the dark.

Stare at the ceiling music blasting till I’ve gone deaf.

I don’t want to hear the bullshit anymore.

All I hear is death.

 I’ll reach under my bed.

Favorite teddy bear pressed against my chest.

And finally put these hands to use.

Afterwards,

I’ll write my name in the liquid.

Shit I dont know how, but I’ll attempt to swim in it.

This is the day to embrace the first time I felt Free

Then everybody had to go an ruin it.

So I’ll leave it up to you to decided if the pistol is just a metaphor for my pen.

-Leighrick

When dreams become reality
When dreams become reality

Good Bye to the Marvins

Knock, Knock

 “Who goes there?”

 Marvin!

I ask, “Marvin who?“, and then the knocking stops…

 I ask, “Is this the same Marvin, who spent his days locked up in that room where everything happened?”

 [Yes]

He’s calling me:

Intoxicated with Regret and High off Pride?

Dressed head to toe in the suit of persuasion with selfish fragrance.

A man sick, because of his cold heart.

A man who lacks guidance, empty, because he lacks soul..

 

[Yes]

 

The one who intrudes up my phone, begging and pleading me?

Disrespecting, the man I maybe with, someone I had hoped for him to be.

Now longing to be reacquainted, because I shortened our relationship and ceased all communication.

 

[Yes]

 

The one who blinded me?

The reason I am no longer able to look into his eyes, and realize potential.

I only see who you are now.

The true intentions in the eyes of this individual.

 

I am peeping through this peephole, with the eyes of the people.

 

Everyone who claims to have known “Love“, heard the bells ringing,

they saw the white fences, gowns, and pictured bands around their fingers.

Until they heard the church bells, and instead knocking on the door, God knocked the walls down.

Reminding you, that you can answer the call and respond to his messages,

but keep in mind he has the wrong message in the texts he’s sent —

You know you accidentally ignore the call, knowing he’s to prideful to apologize,

but the silence of his emotions will leave that voicemail.

 

And it continues…

 

[Marvin’s at the door yelling]

Fuck that new dude that you love so bad!”

 [I’m yelling back]

Fuck you too, for not realizing what you had!

 [Marvin Yells]

“I know you still think about the times we had!”

 [I open the door]

Exactly baby that’s the point, had as in the past.

You are now just a memory…

I’ve put you behind the glass, reminding myself to cherish the experience, but never relive the misery.

I’ve relieved myself of thoughts that you could ever change & will never be honest with yourself nor I.

 

[Slams the door]

Now go back to those females, that play your game.

 [Knock, Knock]

“Who is it?”

[Marvin]: “I’m just saying you could do better — tell me have you heard that lately?

[Me]: To answer your question, yes people have BEEN telling, I can do better…

And I know you’ve been hearing that from other females regularly.

You fell into it.

I haven’t tried —

I’m not able end something I once put my all in, and move onto something new, rejuvenated.

And although I haven’t decided to do better,

the door of opportunity is locked.

 

So now you can sit and continue your addiction of looking at random broads naked pictures, and talking about how you almost had me fooled.

But I’m glad you came knocking on my door; I finally peeped my head through the hole you were digging me.

Otherwise I would never be able to climb out and brush the dirt from those feelings off my chest,

And the saying: “The grass is greener on the other side“….

Might mean a lot more to you.

 

You can keep my heart and that tag around your neck as a memorandum of the things you’ve sacrificed for less.

 

With that said,

Let us have a toast for the Marvins,

and I say

GoodBYE to the Marvins.

 

-Leighrick

Theft

Across the way

Within the midst of the shadows

Spotted are hooded eyes.

Surprisingly seen peeking.

Brown skin, Chocolate

of African/Latin descent, certainly not Puerto Rican

Long black hair resting on the shoulder,

Sliding down the back.

Unsure if it’s a dress or a shirt made from scratch.

Olives sitting in grey skies used to describe her eyes.

Your name consuming temptation,

If my number was served on a platter would you take?

On the days when loneliness is felt,

Can I replace the emptiness?

Feelings of a baby longing to be held close to your chest.

Or

I can be your baby?

We can be the wind blowing trees as the sun sets.

On this bus, a diamond in the rough.

A jewel not worthy of a nickname.

Crown Royal

Intoxicating Thoughts.

This woman is poison.

Our presence is one in the same.

Tho the sun clings to your being

The way that your sitting,

The light shinning behind you, a glow.

I want to be your shadow

Watching your back and every step you may take.

Excuse me again, but

You dropped your Halo.

I’ll bend down to pick it up, but

When I bend down, I might stay there

Manipulating the Halo into a ring

Since I’m already down on bending knee.

Is that too fast?

I’ve seen love in a glance,

but never at first sight.

My eyes water every time you smile,

Like I want to be the water when you take a bath.

Motion still, so instilled in you is relaxing.

The bubbles resemble clouds,

and you an Aphrodisiac, the being of a Goddess.

Quiet heart felt confessions, but who’s perception?

Curiosity is lingering..

Like the cologne in the hug that I gave before I left.

Theft

Leighrick

When It Hurts So Bad

Instill your strength in me.

 

Retell your history through your eyes.

 

Whisper your power of forgiveness.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

Holding your hand I feel your vibrant soul.

 

Your minds working against time —

 

And my words are fighting the same battle.

 

Allow me to be your shield in this imaginary war.

 

Share with me the freedom of releasing our pains through tears.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

Lauryn said it the best, “what you want might make you cry

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad.

 

It feels so good.

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

Why does it feel so good, when it hurts so bad?

 

 

 

Your smile numbs my thoughts.

 

Your laughter hinders any regrets.

 

 

 

Instill your strength in me and I’ll stand strong.

 

Your eyes tell stories non-revealed.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

As much as I’m not there beside you.

 

I place my hand upon your heart and remember the warmth.

 

History speaks although your words remain silent.

 

 

 

When it hurts so bad,

 

Embrace me.

 

 

 

You are my everything,

 

my heart beats differently,

 

thoughts of you replace my animosity.

 

 

 

When it hurts,

 

Who will I embrace?

 

When your not here ?

 

 

 

I Love You.

 

 

 

-Leighrick

An Ode to Roller Coasters

Please excuse me if it seems like I’m just going through the motions.

It’s just I never rode this roller-coaster.

this is my first time and I’m so full of emotions.

I’ve been through so many loops, being upside down was normal to me.

The pain of heart dropping into my stomach, has never been attended to.

But with you, this ride is different, its a natural high without a

destination, unless its towards everlasting ecstasy.

Some think they’re at the top and that’s when their carts get stuck.

Then they drop unexpectedly yet it was secretly anticipated.

Even still, this roller-coaster has been shaky.

My heart is finally tied down, security.

However, this bliss might just be my mind playing tricks on me.

Because unlike like the others on this ride,

I don’t scream.

 

-Leighrick

Devils Food Cake : Opposite Day

I don’t touch that bottle

my father’s finger prints are permanent,

Sometimes he’d mistake my neck for a bottle.

 

They say the Skyy is the limit,

but he didn’t think that was enough.

Blood brothers with Jack,

Intoxicated visions of him being Daniel

In a lions den, I remember vividly

as he got up from his throne, and slammed the door

Lying telling me he’d be right back.

 

Every attempt my mother took to turn her back

He’d whip it.

Repeatedly, Repeatedly, Repeatedly

Cries like a broken record,

Broken heart

Broken ribs

No Protection.

And

he’d leave with a satisfied appetite of affection.

 

We had covered all mirrors in the house,

Bruised pride

Swollen eyes

and a transparent reflection.

 

We were only dependents

with no sense of declaration.

Longing to be rescued,

but cowardly courage was always a distraction.

No ends to support our means.

No knowledge of definitions,

 

Love was pain

and Love was what we longed for,

so our only option was to remain.

 

He was raping our personalities.

We were no longer people,

but soon to be fatalities.

 

And we were.

 

 

On the anniversary of my birth,

he turned the station wagon into a hearse,

and while he was driving,

he was trying to decipher his reality from his wishes

and as the vehicle  was swerving,

I threw up regret, and —

 

 

I woke up.

At last, the truth was revealed

the world was finally upside down,

like I had always thought it’d been.

 

I remember rounds of hollow tips

were fired into the vacancy of my chest,

but in my dream I had mistaken the sound of my mothers screams for bullets.

 

 

On the anniversary of my birth…

My father killed my Mother,

My mother gave birth to my baby Brother,

and God taught him how to fly,

before my father stripped him of his wings.

 

So when I woke up,

My father presented me with an upside down cake,

and with out saying any words,

he looked me deep past my eyelids,

wiped my eyes,

and said ‘Happy Birthday’.

 

 

There is no limit to Skyy,

No better friends than E&J,

No Better Amo than Yeager-bombs,

and

No better Freedom than Death.

 

Leighrick©