Monthly Archives: May 2013

Questioned Answered by Questions

July 07, 2008

 

Dear “Friend”,

I had to write a poem dedicated to you.

In return for the way you make me feel,

 the emotion you brought upon me is indescribable.

When we talk I do more than just vibe with you.

Following talking to you each night —

I dream the same dream.

A dream of us laying on cloud 9, looking down on the beach.

And from the eruptions we cause the earth, our names appear in the sand.

As we’re floating our cloud becomes overly condensed with intellect, passion, and innocence.

Precipitation falls as letters, spelling “Insuperable“,

because that’s how our relationship can be defined.

I couldn’t think of me without you, because you are the cure.

The cure for all my needs, wants, and problems.

I have to let this pen express my emotions because in reality…

we’re just friends?

You leave me speechless.

I am traveling over a thousand miles for this journey of me & you.

When I am in my room my mattress speaks to me;

somehow I’m no longer feeling as lonely…

As we vibe,

we exult in our victory of scripting our own history, or maybe her-story; how about ourstory?

But

When we pass through those uncanny gates of

dreams, hopes, and wishes,

I roll over to the other side of my bed and wake up to my phone…

it reads one missed call.

 

Stop answering my questions with questions and maybe then, I’ll answer yours…

 

Leighrick

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Jezebel

My Sleeping Beauty.

 

Black as Night

The sun ignites you in the daylight.

 

I tell you I’d be right back,

only to hide away from a distance,

to see passer-byes acknowledge your symmetry.

 

I always smile,

Always proud tho.

 

I feel like when I’m inside you,

I’m in the presence of a Queen.

 

I love hearing you sing that song,

when I turn you on…

and how you take control when I hit that sweet spot,

but always allow me time to recuperate if I lose control.

 

You are my first

I’ve studied you inside and out.

and I know sometimes you can get a little dirty, but your aroma is the sweetest

Lady you are Gorgeous.

I wasn’t sure if my First Love was ever gonna find me,

because I was searching for some days, weeks, months, damn near years.

 

But although your a lil older, 

I love it when you teach me new things,

I need to get those papers ASAP, because now that I got the key to your heart;

I know how start loving you unconditionally.

With frequent dates to take you Wining and Dining,

Forever I’ll remember You, My First.

 

So lets turn up the bass,

and glide with the vibe.

Let the windows down,

and let the haze crawl out

 

You my number 1 baby,

there is no You without I

 

Dear Jezebel.

 

-Leighrick

Chain Music

Chain so big I c’aint pop my collar,

wouldn’t dare to sell yourself short,

but you’d sell you soul for a dollar.

 

Its all good tho, cause when they see you,

you gone have a chain so big you c’aint pop yo collar.

 

However, You see diamonds and I see blood.

You see chains, and I see rope,

so if you can’t hang with the message within the words,

you might want to cut loose, while your ahead.

 

You see grills, and I see a jaw wired shut,

another American idle, idle of a voice…

 

See the weight of that chain is not only allowing you to display your foolishness,

but it is weighing you down from what you’ve been destined to be..

Royalty.

 

See,

 

They’ve stripped us of all crowns, culture, and language.

 

Our ancestors have lived with the chains around their neck, wrists, and ankles

for hundreds of years, and sat in a lifetime full of tears,

just for them rust and break free.

Striving to regain our Royalty, but you refuse to be Loyal.

 

While you see Whips and Chains,

I’m only seeing Whips and Chains,

 

While I record our Mother’s cries of help, replaying them in my mind,

memorizing every note, reminding myself that this is the fuel to the ambition in my Soul.

 

You rerecord these songs, and reiterate to the world that your ignorant.

 

Think Free.

 

They gather you in groups, and now you’ve become the groupie.

They have that chain around your neck so tight, your unable to pop your collar,

As your trying to signify your dominance, your spiritually dying.

Yet you have fallen like a Domino, according to the set-up.

 

Chain so big you cant pop your collar.

Now the shades have come off, you’ve turned to me

Looking me in the eye, as they glorify the illumination of the hatred for your brethren.

Upset at me, because I’m free from the chains.

 

You’ll never be free from behind those bars, until you stop investing in cribs.

You’ll never be rid the scars, if you keep investing in whips.

You keep bragging bout your chain being so big, you c’aint pop your collar,

but you’ll always be at their finger tips…

 

-Leighrick

Meet Me at Our Special Place

Are you high right now?

My longing to re-embrace you

seem to want you more when

I’m coming down.

Thought so highly of me because,

I was the one who kept your head up.

When you were at your lowest, I was

Someone and my love was something to look forward to,

Then shit hit the fan, and the air was never really cleared.

Like white-out on a page, you always know what’s there,

but no stranger knows what hides between the lines.

 

Now I’m just another low, and the only one left to look up to now is God,

That’s a circumstance that makes you insecure.

A relationship you need to mend, better yet begin to sew

because only he knows what he has in store for you.

 

You talk the talk,

often read his words,

still rarely set foot to walk the path to speak to him.

You’ve been wondering who you are, and only 2 people know.

 

And —

 

Maybe…

 

Just Maybe…

 

One of them is not me,

 

See I’ve been contemplating the way you think,

and figured…it’s no longer about me.

Don’t get me wrong,I am not selfish, it doesn’t have to be

It never really has been,

I mean..considering all you’ve been through;

I can think of one time, that was when I made the biggest decision of our relationship.

….we’ve seen how that ended.

Do you see where my indecisiveness stems from?

 

So high off the pedestal, I fell low.

A Queen feeling dethroned and alone, so

I am screaming

Nooooooooo“,

Blowing big O’s…

Visually people can witness how empty I am, inside.

 

I feel like a child who moved, and lost their best friend.

Idle mind living, awaiting to be reunited…

Only that now we wont be running into each other again for another 10+ years.

And if its one thing I fear, it’s that in the not so distant future your face wont be so clear.

Instead we’ve stopped playing tag and are now playing catch-up.

Maybe even Hide-N-Go-Seek, because the love we have for one another, we still haven’t been able to control.

Once again, we find ourselves hiding in the shadows of our feelings..

 

I am an emotional slave to myself.

Trapped behind the pearly gates, and not the ones residing in the sky.

A rebellious heart with a timid mind, imprisoned in a body,

I look in the mirror and call mine,

Except when I look through these eyes,

I see an optical illusion

Its me telling myself I am fine, but

If you lived a day with my Soul,

You would understand why this song bird cries.

 

So I ask..

How high were your thoughts of me?

Did your head make it in the clouds?

Because my thoughts of you..

I have to be honest, after all we’ve been through have gone up and down similar to a roller-coaster.

 

However,

The love I am consumed with while thinking about you is beyond our space,

across galaxies, we as humans have yet to discover.

 

So,

When I try to explain the love I have for you, I cant because this feeling has yet to be defined.

It’s stronger than love and not used so loosely.

 

From coast to coast I’d travel,

Except as of late

I don’t have the funds to by a coaster, to sit my cup of coffee on, as I develop a master plan to bring You & I together.

 

With saying all this,

I still don’t think you understand…

I remember you telling me, “everything is just words now“, but

We’re both writers?

 

I thought we were both riders [?]

I’ve been finding out words do have power,

I am trying to be detailed, specific, and complex enough so that no else can figure out this piece,

That is except for you

Maybe not even you.

I am probably just writing this for me

 

You know,

So I can see how I feel on paper, and be justified.

Even though I don’t think its good enough.

Maybe, I simply had to get this off my chest,

because my heart was about to burst through its cages, rip the skin, and jump in my hands

just so it can be comforted.

 

I’m laying on my back, at my lowest but very high.

Thinking about you, thinking about forever, just thinking

Drifting off into dreaming, the only place I would be able to meet you, but lately…

You haven’t been showing up….

-Leighrick

My Crossroad

n the Salvation Army.

I have come to my crossroad

I’m standing here alone.

 

It’s like I know what’s right,

But I still keep going left.

 

If I reach my hand out,

would you reach back..

and embrace me?

 

I know I gave you the cold shoulder,

But the hand that I’m extending,

Has my heart on its sleeve.

 

 

Tonight’s the first time I’ve cried in a couple months,

Lately I ain’t been having time to grieve.

It usually doesn’t rain in Southern California.

 

But, That was just self greed,

My pride is too rich and My heart is broke.

 

Middle class mind,

Living diagonal

I walk a thin line

Between Ups n Downs

 

 

Doesn’t help the DJ keeps playing my love song, in the background.

Elevator music.

 

 

I get lifted,

Too high to see my lows.

But,

When I come down,

I hit rock bottom,

Too low to see the skies.

 

I’m diggin’ my hole deeper

Consumed by the darkness.

 —

Look what we’ve done.

I would blame you, it takes two.

I stand before my crossroads.

It’s not much surrounding.

 

Suddenly this sand turned to sea,

And now I’m staring into the horizon

drowning in the ocean.

Still,

My most sacred place

is the beach.

I’m leaning towards the right.

 —

Fear is mocking me,

Honesty is trynna bargain with me,

Lust is taunting,

Memories are interrupting,

 

Why is Love testing me?

 

I lift my hand to pick you up when you were down,

I never cheated.

I did my homework, tried learning everything about you that I didn’t know,

When the questions were proposed, there was no research needed.

The pieces about you, are the notes that fill in many of my notebooks.

 

I was a student in this lesson of love.

 

I guess we’ve failed the final.

I’m more upset, because I thought it was just a midterm,

Until you said,

” Fuck it, I Never Actually Loved”, anyways…

and that was FINAL.

—-

Sitting at this crossroad.

I’ve been thinking about you.

That’s how I know things changed,

Because I use to always think about Us…

 

I’ve stopped crying now.

The sun will come out tomorrow,

My conscience has quieted down.

 

I’ll just listen to my thoughts

until I fade into temporary unconsciousness,

Waking up tomorrow with a smile full of pain,

but shinning bright with denial.

 

Leighrick

Pocket Change

Green grass, white fences, blue skies, soft kisses.
All make for sweet dreams…
Shooting stars, coins in ponds, eleven twice on a clock.
All make for big wishes….
Broken hearts, negative thoughts, “I didn’t mean..”
All make for used tissues….

Which all these make for deep rooted issues.

We love to hate love, but we hate to miss it.
We love to love love, and still we miss it.

In that green grass there’s dead flowers,
Beyond that fence is a new house.
In the blue skies there are rain clouds.
Beyond the lips of soft kisses there is passion.

Identify us together, but who are you to me?

Shooting stars wound the night.
Coins in ponds may be the change sought by a vagabond.
11:11…awaiting Good Mornings and Good Nights.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I knew how to decipher what I write….

Broken hearts can be healed, but will always be flawed.
Negative thoughts replenish positive ambitions.
I didn’t mean to get too deep, only to give you something to read.

The needle in the haystack isn’t hiding, and the elephant in the room is just a figurine.

-Leighrick

Inaccurate Precision

I’m always right sometimes…

I mean who else can find such greatness in depression?

He says I’m painfully beautiful; I hope smirks can calm nerves.

More times than less I appear invisible.
People are always looking at me, but they cant see me.
Is that why they stare so blankly?

He tells me I have a noticeable absence, but is never coming is better than being late?

I’m always right sometimes….

I can’t help that I am naturally strange !

I had a dream last night, I mean we all do….it’s no open secret

However,
You & I were in a room alone together.
Suddenly, we both began laughing hysterically, kind of like a sad joy.
We just sat, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed until this morning…I woke up dead.

Now this may sound wilde, but I can resist anything, except temptation!
I am a wolf in lambs clothes, an honest thief.
And unfortunate as this mastery is, I am great at smuggling hearts.
A little pain never hurt anyone, right?

I’m always right sometimes…

I mean these are modern relationships are so old fashion!
Let’s create our own love; it’s our only choice!
The start to this will be amazing!
Then we can end painfully beautiful.
A little pain never hurt anyone, right?

I’m always right sometimes…

Pain for Pleasure?
You seem awfully happy; why I am crying?
Just because this is almost exactly what I wanted.
Now, let’s not act like adult children about this.
We agree to disagree…

I’m always right sometimes…

I always write, sometimes in wordless books
This ones I named : Our Love-Hate Relationship.

Inaccurate Precision.

-Leighrick

Where Do Lost Angels Go?

Flowing water open portals.
whether closed or open, they become free.

Free of feeling, thinking, oblivious to knowledge.
Why am I crying?

Drops of glee, grief, enmity, even when drowsy.

Bottled water preserving them over years.
The pit fall, the pitiful — cork high and bottle deep.

There is so much in the rush, but slow to accumulate.

I am not weak, I am strong !

There has been weeks in years, I’ve held on
When I listen to this song, when I see that face, when I smell the fear, when I taste the salt —I stand tall.

Bursting out into tears like a fire-hydrant.
I’m my own river, cliche, denial.

For crying out loud, don’t be so quiet!!
Say something, at least the most you can say is ‘nothing’..

What’s wrong?
Nothing.

Flowing water opens portals.
whether closed or open, you become free.

-Leighrick

Castles Made of Sand

I hear my train comin’ as the hands on the clock get close to holding each other. 12 marks the spot. Midnight to be exact. When the darkness reveals its self in the beauty of the stars, and still hides in the light. There are too many stars to count; I wonder is it possible to run out of wishes? Well — I empty my pockets out into the pond. The change I’d pay the price to see. Within the ripples, [stop the music]….I’m not quite finished dreaming.

Listening to the winds singing, imagine we were dancing with stars. We can be the first to create life on Mars, and instead of counting sheep to fall asleep we sit and watch the cow measuring the circumference of the Moon.

Tonight it’s blue with a purple-ish tint,
I figured it’s been walked on, one too many times…

We are one of a kind, a love many couple wish they could explain — even better comprehend. So we pretend that our love doesn’t really exist. Like this is all just some fairy tale, because even those endings aren’t always happy. Secretly we’re happy. Publicly we’re ignorant and bliss is our shadows. And even from 2,000 miles I can hear my train coming. Midnight is leaving.

Questioning my sadness, why is love so deceiving? All board the train, I step foot on; then transforms into paper planes, and floats me back down onto my window seal.

Still.
I sit still.

I left for you, and you never came to get me. You’re guilty of stealing smiles. My innocence is steel, you can never penetrate the real me….I guess I am the one that’s guilty. That seems to be all I ever hear, judgements.

You never came to get me.

I heard my train coming, and I tried to wait patiently for you…you were never really here? I pushed you so far I thought you’d bounce back, instead you stayed in the clear. Far away from what I needed, but close to everything I wanted.

Power trips on bleeding hearts and exposes vulnerability. Now I am up all night counting how many sheep can idealistically equal a cow.

Memories take vacations, and some never bother to reappear. They become residents in complacency, neighboring fear. I AM NOT SCARED ANY MORE – only scarred.

How long does it take bruises to heal on broken hearts? ….

I guess this piece is just a start. We can still be a collage instead of a picture; there’s no such thing as perfect art! We haven’t practiced much anyways, but we can start. Take the best of you and best of me, embrace what we’ve become, actors call this role play.

THIS REAL, I feel it — at least I felt it. I mean I thought I had before.

The Pain — You keep digging holes trying to tunnel into my heart, but you’ve barely scratched the surface. You’ve been here before.

I choose to ignore the thoughts of you that rise like smoke when the train approaches.

Love. This is the shit that every one longs for?
That they wait so long for?
That they bend their backs and run laps trying to chase it, go through hurdles, and take long jumps for…. sacrifice.

That must be nice.

Being able to love the one you longed for….

I hear my train a coming. I see deep feelings rocking relationships. I smell the exhaust from the complaints.

Crash landing.

The one in a million we all mourn for.

No Love Lost,
-Leighrick

No FIlter

A promising question.

Promiscuous Answers.

 

Aware that there’s life after me, but

Next life time, will I see you again?

 

Actions of selfishness,

Defy the suppression of nostalgic thoughts.

The hurt of remembering leaves emotional scars.

 

Two sleeves baring tattooed broken hearts.

This wardrobe neglected and dejected.

Hand-me-downs – Hand me down faded smiles.

 

Happiness hasn’t felt the same

Not even Sadness itself has felt this shame.

 

Conversations turn into confessions,

History’s left unwritten – the mysteries…

What is (y)OUR story?

 

I’ve revised mine.

This Fantasy has turned Non-Fiction.

Once believed in fairy tales until discovering,

Witches can be men too.

 

As minds wonder –

On those long walks are you searching for me?

 

Inside feeling empty, but how long will this last?

Hungry since birth, never tasting satisfaction.

 

How does one go about embracing the present

If they cannot fully comprehend their past?

 

Promising Questions.

Broken Answers.

 

Has Cupid cast a spell on us forever?

Cursed with loving you, never?

Instead I curse until I start feeling a little better.

 

Use to weather any story together,

Star gazing as the sky is falling,

Today feels more like Christmas in the Summer.

 

-Leighrick ♥